some random leverage headcanons:

gyzym:

– eliot spencer: leap baby. he was born on one of those rare february 29ths rarely seen in the wild and thus only has one real birthday every four years. parker, who had never really thought about the concept of leap babies before this fact about eliot came to light, is HORRIFIED by this, and takes to throwing eliot impromptu makeup birthday “parties.” given that parker spent many years throwing herself birthday “parties,” that word is a loose definition of the happenings at best; usually she takes him to steal something expensive under false pretenses and then yells SURPRISE when he realizes why they’re really there. hardison, on the other hand, is very focused on the fact that eliot’s 40th birthday will technically be his 10th, and goes to great lengths to put together elaborate events that are not remotely appropriate for the grown man eliot actually is. eliot will insist to anyone who will listen that he hates both of these approaches, but everyone knows that he’s lying.

– once every six months or so eliot has to replace their microwave because parker has put foil inside of it and turned it on. she claims every time that she “forgot” to take it off some food she was reheating, but eliot has replaced like 15 microwaves and never once found anything but foil inside the old ones; he’s pretty sure she just likes blowing the damned things up. he would personally rather just live without a microwave at this point, but hardison point-blank refuses – eliot’s home cooked meals are all well and good, but sometimes a man just needs his hot pockets.

– hardison likes to take long, luxurious showers, but he is 100% convinced that there is something wrong with the hot water in their building, because every now and again, totally randomly, with no correlation to length of shower or time of day or use of other water-based appliances he can figure out (and believe me, he has devoted considerable time to his attempt to do just that), the water will abruptly go ice cold and ruin his whole shower experience. someday soon, he will figure out that the link between these incidents is eliot, standing next to their water heater with a wrench and cackling to himself as hardison shrieks blue murder above him. when that day comes his revenge shall be swift and merciless.

– at some point, parker sees some film or tv show that features the concept of blowing a kiss and makes that squinty-eyed devious face that always makes hardison and eliot exchange a look of concern/borderline terror. shortly after that, it becomes apparent that she’s decided that she can poke their injuries all she likes if she kisses her finger before she does it. this is, of course, very wrong, but they both find it – especially the long suffering face she makes as she does it, as if to say FINE, YOU BIG BABIES, IF YOU WON’T JUST LET ME JAB AT IT LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE ANYMORE – too adorable to correct her (not that either of them, eliot in particular, would admit it).

– hardison does, eventually, brew up a batch he calls thief juice. it does weirdly well, eventually becoming a staple on the brewpub’s beer list, though there’s always a steep drop in sales whenever parker starts sneaking up behind people who order it declare proudly that it’s a mouth crime.