dear other autistic parents of autistic children, can you please give advice on what to do when you run out of spoons but you still gotta do the parent thing bc you’re like, the parent, even though you desperately want to run and hide?
This got kinda long. 😛
if the kid is older i’d say that it may be helpful to let them see what’s going on with you? especially since they are also autistic and will have to figure out how to manage being overextended themselves. you’d have to be careful not to phrase it in a way that makes the kid think that it’s their fault, but i think it would be really valuable for a kid to hear you say that you’re overstimulated/ overextended/ etc. and talk about how you are going to try dealing with it. Try to remember that things like “no, we can’t go to the park right now because I’m overstimulated and it would be too painful” are COMPLETELY REASONABLE, and that seeing you set those kind of boundaries will reinforce for the kid that those are acceptable boundaries for them to have, too. If the kid can be left unsupervised for a little while, telling them that you’re taking a short sensory break could also be a good thing to do. (they can interrupt you in an emergency, but otherwise they are to occupy themselves quietly for [length of time] while you rest.) And if they can’t… things like putting on an episode of Sesame Street or something so that the kid isn’t demanding your undivided attention for a couple minutes is NOT a cop-out. Especially if you are a full-time parent, there are probably going to be days now and then that are nothing BUT Sesame Street (or whatever). This is FINE. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of them. You don’t have to provide stimulating and educational experiences every single second. 😛
For infants… ear plugs were a godsend for me. And similarly to the Sesame Street thing above: sometimes you have to put the kid down in the crib (or playpen or safe enclosed space of your choice) and just walk away for a little while. They might wail, but it is FAR better that they wail for a little while than that you get to a point of melting down, where you CAN’T take care of them safely.
Not knowing more about your situation that’s about as much as I’ve got. I hope it helps, and please feel free to bother me in my askbox if you want to chat.
Kimchi and Justice 