feathersmoons:

star-anise:

raptorific:

If I were Harry Potter I would have addressed Voldemort as “Tim Riddle.” He’d be like “IT’S TOM RIDDLE. ALSO, IT’S NOT TOM RIDDLE, IT’S VOLDEMORT.” Ahahaha classic Tim. 

Dudley would do this. Give me a fic where Voldemort tries going after redeemed!Dudley and Dudley’s skills from years of being an arse save Harry’s life while Harry saves his.

Okay so I never got there in writing (yet), but this is basically canon for LilyLives!Verse.

Dudley is also responsible for the spreading tendency of the DA kids to use “Voldy-fiddle”, “Deathface”, “Snakey-cheeks”, and a number of other insulting names, which he continues to encourage during the Taboo-period, “because look, you change it up every once in a while, keep the same shapes but change it a bit, and then as it gets popular they ahve to Taboo that one, which means that somewhere out there some Death Eater is in fact using the name ‘Voldy-fiddle’ for at least a few seconds.”

For those who feel that the flippant approach is insulting to those Voldemort has harmed, he recommends just skipping right to variations on “that miserable fucking monstrous piece of shit”; it’s not like anyone will ever be confused as to who you’re talking about.

I am pretty sure by the end of it he has in fact called Riddle “Snake-fucker” to his face. Because if he’s going to die, he’s going to die historic on the fury road spitting in his enemy’s face. Also fuck you, this isn’t even his war, HE WASN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY.