please do make a real post about how much you love baron von steuben

flatbear:

beggars-opera:

falsedetective:

ok here’s some facts about my guy baron von steuben

• very dubious claims of
  nobility. i’m too drunk and lazy to look it up right now but i’m pretty
  sure he shouldn’t have actually been called a baron
• anyway he served in the prussian army under frederick the great but he was discharged because of some big gay sex scandal
• he spent a while in germany but – you guessed it – got into another big gay sex scandal
• eventually
  he realized his best option, to avoid prosecution for all these big gay
  sex scandals, was to leave europe entirely and go to america where they
  had way bigger fish to fry at the moment
• so he’s recruited by
  the continental army, with the assistance of a letter of recommendation
  from ben franklin that HUGELY exaggerates his experience, probably
  unintentionally (the french title “Lieutenant General Quarters Maitre”
  was mistranslated as “lieutenant general” even though it really
  meant “deputy quartermaster”)
• so he rolls into america – first
  of all, he’s arrested at the dock because he accidentally dressed
  himself and all his men in red coats and everyone thought they were
  british soliders. awkward
• so once that’s all worked out, he rolls
  into valley forge with his whole crew – like, several aides, a chef, his
  dog, the whole shebang, and he’s greeted by an army of dudes who don’t
  even have matching coats and haven’t showered in 10 years. these guys
  are literally using their bayonets as cooking skewers, that’s how
  piss-poor an army they are. steub is like “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?” he is so disgusted with them
• so the steub starts devising a
  bunch of drills for them to kick their ass into shape. the problem here
  is, he doesn’t speak a word of english, so he generally conducts drills
  by cursing at the soldiers in an incomprehensible mix of german, french,
  and english, leaving his french-speaking aides (alexander hamilton and
  john laurens among them) to translate for him
• language barrier aside, everyone absolutely loves him. he’s such a dude. at one point in the war he holds a pantsless party, like, where you’re only allowed into the tent if you’re not wearing pants? flaming shots were served. this really happened i can source it if you want
• literally america would not exist without this guy. the army was a fucking DISASTER before he showed up and taught them how to fight
• anYywaY after the war he moves in with two of his aides/sugar babies, future senator william north and future state representative benjamin walker. the actual situation among these housemates is unclear but some of them were definitely banging each other. anyway, later in life he legally ADOPTS these two guys because he’s such a dedicated sugar daddy
• he takes in a whole harem of hot young twinks including, at one point, john adams’ son and hercules mulligan’s son after the adamses try to break the two lovebirds up
• he had no idea how to handle money and poor alexander hamilton had to manage all his finances and save him from bankruptcy lmao
• i love him though we didn’t deserve him

ALWAYS reblog the pantsless flaming shots party

Holy shit.