someone: the classics are so refined
diogenes: i’m gonna throw a chicken at plato and then i’m gonna reward myself by whacking it in public
vase painters: how many dicks do you think are enough? at least 5
aristophanes: you need 3 fart soundboards to perform this play properly
lucian: the moon is full of gay people, anyway let’s argue about whether sleeping with girls or boys is better
catullus: i want to make out infinity times with my girlfriend
the entire roman senate: ostensibly we are a respectable body but actually we are a preschool full of man-sized babies
ovid: haha then what 😉
horace: i fucking hate this goddamn tree also hey wanna hear about a wet dream i had
martial: you’re hot but you queef too much so i don’t want to have sex with you
someone: such elegance