some classics valentine’s day poems

raisel-the-riveter:

johnnyatruant:

johnnyatruant:

johnnyatruant:

teashoesandhair:

thoodleoo:

Achilles

roses are red

wine-dark is the sea

my boyfriend is dead

time for a killing spree

Oedipus

roses are red

a hue like no other

you know, valentine,

you’re just like my mother?

Catullus

my girl’s eyes are swollen

her sparrow is dead

but is that just a metaphor

for my dick instead?

Cato

roses are red

space is black like a void

who cares about love

Carthage must be destroyed

Poseidon

Roses are red

like bitter regret 

I’m god of the ocean 

let me make you wet 😉

Odysseus

My wife is at home

but babe, let’s forget her; 

I’ll show you a good time

‘cause Nobody’s better

Athena 

Roses are red

violets are red 

everything is red 

I love war

Apollo

Roses are red

but I haven’t got any

all of my lovers

have turned into botany

Prometheus

I’ve bought you some roses

‘cause babe, I’m a giver

say you’ll be mine

I’ll really de-liver

Zeus

Roses are red

violets are blue

shit, Hera’s coming – 

Julius Caesar

Roses are red, 

And so is my blood.

What the fuck Brutus?

I thought we were good! 

Pompey

Roses are red,

My pate’s on a plate.

Ptolemy got head

On our first date. 

Crassus

Gold is not red, 

It’s yellow like honey. 

Your house is on fire,

So give me your money. 

Porcia

Embers are red,

The hottest fire’s blue.

I swallowed these coals

So you’d know I was true. 

Cato the Younger

Entrails are red.

You can’t keep me in stitches. 

I ripped my guts open.

Fuck all you bitches. 

Catilina

I see two bodies. 

They’re me and you. 

I fucked a Vestal. 

I fucked your dad, too. 

Clodius 

Roses are red, 

I have three hot sisses.  

I put on a dress

And I nailed Caesar’s missus. 

@raisel-the-riveter DEAL WITH THIS IT’S YOUR FAULT. 

Cicero

Violets are indigo,

Roses are crimson.

Silver my tongue is,

Like Fulvia’s hairpin. 

Mark Antony

Roses are red,

And violets bucolic. 

I’m Marcus Antonius

And I’m an alcoholic. 

@raisel-the-riveter I CAN’T STOP. 

!!! OH MY GOD