sarahexplosions:

the comments on this post make me want a civil war au in an elementary school

idk third-grade tony wants to be class president?  and steve says that’s stupid.  and tony’s mad at steve for not sitting with him at lunch yesterday, so they get into a fight.

tony: ‘fine, this friday at recess, we fight’
steve: ‘bring it on, let’s fight now’
tony: ‘no, i want to play basketball at recess today’

steve tells his bff bucky about it, of course, so bucky says he’ll fight tony with him.  which naturally leads to tony and steve going to everyone in class and trying to get them on their side.

steve sits with clint at lunch and asks nicely, and clint signs up, because steve asks first.  tony immediately goes to the new kid peter and befriends him and gets him on his side.  wanda goes to steve because tony pulled on her hair last week.  tony bribes the weird kid vision with a hostess cupcake, and those things are damn valuable.

it starts to affect the class.  scott lang wants to switch desks because he’s surrounded by tony’s people on all sides.  steve leads his team to the other side of the lunch table, far away from tony as possible.  tony tries to draw a picture of steve exploding in art class.

and then friday recess comes, and it’s like something out of a western, all of tony’s team on one side of the grass and steve’s team on the other.

tony: ‘so how does this work’
steve: ‘we fight!’
tony: ‘i know that!  i meant like, on the count of three?  last team standing wins?  team that gets in the most punches wins?’
steve: ‘fine, we fight on on count of three!  one, two, three!’

unfortunately, that’s the exact moment their teacher mr. fury shows up and breaks up the party.  apparently he overheard natasha and clint apologizing to each other in advance for beating each other up.

mr. fury wonders why he chose this job, and brings everyone inside and a long talk about how we don’t solve interpersonal problems with punching.  and then it’s an airing of grievances and trying to figure out solutions and sharon cries for getting in trouble and everyone decides they hate steve and tony for getting them into this mess.  and into detention.

it’s a long weekend, and none of the kids will look at tony and steve on monday.  it kinda sucks.  steve sits next to tony at lunch because they’re both alone, and steve decides he should probably apologize like a big kid.  he does.  tony says he’s sorry too, and then shares his bag of potato chips.

everyone’s forgotten about it in two weeks.