On Paper

writteninthekitchensink:

He failed my class. It really wasn’t even a close call. I couldn’t do the 2-point mercy bump. 

It wasn’t for a lack of trying on either of our parts. Yeah, he could have put more effort into homework, but “home” isn’t easy for him in a year of personal transition. He could have studied to improve his quiz and test scores. But in class, he tried his hardest. Always had his hand raised. Not the best reader, but always the first to volunteer. If I needed a favor or an errand, he’d be there before I got the request out of my mouth. 

He had his off days too. He could be a nudge. We’d go out into the hall and have a little chat, and he’d admit he was off. I said, “One step at a time,” mimicking a book we read in class that he loved. And he’d go back in and hold it together.

When we received teacher thank you’s, he wrote to me. “Thank you for believing in me when no one else did.” I sat at my desk, with tears in my eyes because I didn’t think he’d write to me and I certainly didn’t think he’d write that.

So when I sat down to give my “thank you’s” in the form of awards, I had to repay the debt. I couldn’t congratulate him on his grades, so I gave him a well-deserved participation award. His face lit up when I said his name. My teammate said when he returned from the stage, he sat there staring at the paper with a smile. When I returned, he pointed at me and I pointed back. And then I had to turn around and pull it together. It was the only award he received and he carried it like a trophy.

I requested him for summer school. I know it doesn’t look like we made strides, but we did and I want to send him to 8th grade with that momentum.

On paper, this was a failure. On paper, he dropped my passing rate and lost me a point in APPR. On paper, his reading scores dropped. On paper, I didn’t do my best for him. On paper, this whole year was a waste for both of us. 

And this is the problem with education today. You can’t measure fruitless diligence and dedication. You can’t prove someone is doing their best when their best isn’t hitting expectations set for other kids. You cannot give points for pulling it together on a bad day. You cannot assess heart. These are all impossible things to quantify. 

It wasn’t a failure. It was a success in every way but one.