Something that may come as surprising to folks whose needs and comfort levels are already catered to by the world around them, is that “coping” is exhausting.
There are a great many people who are perfectly capable of adjusting to certain situations, be it a matter of social interaction, or physical disability, medical conditions, or whatever the case may be. Through trial and error we have discovered tricks and methods that allow us to function in a society that wasn’t created with us in mind, and we’re very good at making it look like we’re getting along just fine.
But it’s tiring. Always, constantly having to be vigilant and on-guard while everyone around us takes everything in stride, and then no one understands why, at the end of the day, we shut down. Because we were able to “get by” throughout the day, suddenly our unwillingness or inability to cope is no longer valid.
It’s like carrying a 20 pound weight all fucking day long. Just because you can doesn’t mean you don’t need or deserve a break. And then when you finally put the weight down, everyone around you scolds you and chastises you, accuses you of being lazy, insists that you’re just “faking because it’s convenient.”
This is why it’s so fucking unbearable living in a home where everyone chooses to disregard your limits and your comfort levels. Family members will say, “I’m not going to cater to your needs, because the ~real world~ won’t cater to you and you need to get used to that.”
Consider: People who struggle and cope through everyday life are already painfully aware that the “real world” doesn’t give a fuck about us. This is why we develop coping strategies that allow us to function. This is why when we finally come home, when we are FINALLY through with the “real world” for the day, we just want some goddamn compassion. We just want the people we live with to place value on our needs, comfort levels, and limitations. We want the people who say they love us to demonstrate that love through doing whatever small thing they can do to ensure that when we’re in the comfort of our own homes, we can actually be comfortable instead of having to continue carrying around that weight that we’ve been forced to hold up all. day. long.
The thing I find so unfathomable, so confusing, is how so-called feminists can talk endlessly about the emotional labor that women do and the extra mental load that women carry (especially women in
heterosexual situations) and yet they can’t seem to understand how fucking exhausting it is for us disabled people to carry the mental load of managing our conditions every moment of every day – to say nothing of the mental, physical, and emotional toll that our symptoms cause on their own. It’s literally the same concept, and yet I can’t tell you how many blank, confused, or even judgemental stares I’ve gotten from abled feminists when I try to explain why I’m so tired and unable to keep up with them.
This is why i straight up REFUSE to watch movies except on my own, very specific terms. Like, dude, the general world is already too much for my autistic empath ass, i will not be subjecting myself to yet more cognitive heavy lifting for something that’s supposed to be enjoyable and relaxing.
Kimchi and Justice 