True friendship
im allison
Category: Uncategorized
Lizard mlems Pt.2
Posted by IUsedToCare
The one in the back literally doesn’t even touch the food LMAOO
he is trying his best
she is trying her best
(these are mourning geckos, an all-female, parthenogenetic species!)
I support the lesbian lizard dinner party
>be in ancient athens 5th century bc
>be a bard at a popular joint
>be playing my lyre and rocking those sweet tunes
>some asshole keeps telling me to play some homer like a sellout
>mainstream.vaseart
>try to ignore him but he keeps shouting
>finally give up and tell him that i’ll do him one better and play him the tale of bophades and his testicles
>man looks at me like i’ve just spoken the sphinx’s riddle
>asks me who in hades bophades is and why his testicles are important
>’you mean you haven’t heard about bophades’ nuts?’
>man breaks my lyre and goes on a rampage
>city of athens votes for me to be ritually ostracized for 10 years for causing chaos
>mfw
The most valuable thing I learned doing a Masters degree with depression, anxiety and ADHD was to change my “things I’m bad at” list to “things I can’t do on my own.” Stop thinking of them as things I could do if I tried hard enough, and accept that I can’t accomplish them by effort and willpower alone; they’re genuine neurocognitive deficits, and if I need to do the thing, then just like a blind person reading or a mobility impaired person going up a storey in a building, I need to find a different method.
I’m “bad at” working on long-term projects without an imminent deadline or someone breathing down my neck? Okay, let’s change that: I can’t work on long-term projects without an imminent deadline and someone breathing down my neck. So let’s create an imminent deadline and recruit neck-breathers. Find a sympathetic prof who will agree that 3 weeks before the due date they expect me to show them my preliminary notes and bibliography. Get a friend I trust to block off an hour to sit with me and keep asking, “Are you working on your project?” Write a blog post about my progress. Arrange to trade papers and proofread them with another student.
Accept your limitations and learn to leverage them, instead of buying the neurotypical fairytale that they’ll go away if you just try hard enough.
Mismatched protagonist duos, anime edition – go!
She’s a bubbly, pink-haired schoolgirl who’s secretly a magical princess from space! He’s a broodingly mysterious white-haired pretty-boy whose cursed blood carries a terrible power! Together… they fight crime!
(I like to imagine that every time he goes off on one of his grandly nihilistic rants, she interrupts him with a well-placed whack upside the head with her sparkly princess wand.)
He’s a shy, bookish middle-schooler with an adorable pet monster. She’s a world-weary full conversion cyborg with PTSD. She teaches him how to stand up for himself; he teaches her how to feel again.
(It only gets worse from here.)
She’s an up-and-coming high school volleyball star looking to step up her game in preparation for the big tournament. He’s a legendary ninja assassin looking for one final student to pass his ultimate techniques onto before the slow-acting poison inflicted upon him by a traitorous ex-pupil claims his life. A chance meeting leads them to discover that maybe – just maybe – they can help each other.
(This one could get messy.)
He’s a gruff, scar-faced pirate leading a life of epic romance and intrigue on the fringes of Federation-controlled space. She’s his perfectly ordinary pet cat, whose adorable misadventures – chasing bugs through the cargo holds and getting stuck in the ventilation shafts – are somehow accidentally responsible for the success of all of her owner’s schemes. He never figures it out.
(Only slightly meta.)
She’s an adorable five-year-old girl whose irrepressible curiosity and high spirits help her adjust after she’s sent to live with her estranged father following her mother’s sudden illness. He’s the Sorcerer-King of Lost Atlantis, and is adjusting to the challenges of fatherhood rather less well.
(No, don’t touch that. Or that, or that, or…)
One’s a disgraced ex-samurai on a bloody-handed quest across Sengoku period Japan to avenge the death of her murdered child. The other’s a wacky, pop-culture-loving Shinto demigoddess who’s traveled back from the 21st Century in search of her missing cat, accidentally binding herself to her new companion in the process. They hate each other’s guts, but it looks like they’re stuck with one another!
(Angry yuri shipping edition, posted by request.)
One’s a cynical, hard-drinking ex-police detective turned private eye on the trail of the conspiracy that killed his former partner. The other’s an energetic young martial arts prodigy whose superhuman prowess is fueled by the power of friendship. After a series of disastrous and seemingly coincidental encounters, it transpires that they’re both after the same villain; can they work together – or at least stop getting in each other’s way – long enough to see justice done?
(One for the boys.)
One’s a hard-working single mom struggling to make ends meet as she raises her precocious four-year-old daughter. The other’s a slacker angel who got kicked out of Heaven after she carelessly killed God’s favourite potted plant. Through a chain of unlikely events, they end up sharing an apartment!
(It’s about responsibility or something.)
One’s a terminally shy shut-in who gets most of her information about the outside world from overwrought romance novels. The other just wants to help her sister get out more, make friends, maybe even meet someone nice – a plan complicated by her day job as Grand Inquisitor of the Galactic Imperium.
(Work-life balance is tough!)
One’s a librarian. The other’s the goddamn Devil.
(That’s it. That’s the entire premise. Just the Devil hanging out in a library, bothering the librarian for the entirety of each weekly 22-minute episode. They probably kiss at the end, because of course they do.)
One’s an incredibly boring salaryman. The other is… also an incredibly boring salaryman. It is a heartwarming tale of two incredibly boring people in love.
(Bet you didn’t see that one coming.)
I would watch every goddamn single one of these
Also your word for “today” is actually five words in a trenchcoat. “aujourd’hui” is “a + le + jour + de + hui” in which “hui” is the etymological “today”, same route as Spanish “hoy” and Italian “oggi”. You pompous bagel eaters can’t just say “today”, you have to say “In The Day Of Today”.
but wait, because there is a common expression that really rustles my jimmies, that is “au jour d’aujourd’hui” which basically means “as of now”, but if you translate it literally it becomes “in the day of the day of today”
if i could physically kill the french language i would
Famous Poems Rewritten as Limericks
The Raven
There once was a girl named Lenore
And a bird and a bust and a door
And a guy with depression
And a whole lot of questions
And the bird always says “Nevermore.”Footprints in the Sand
There was a man who, at low tide
Would walk with the Lord by his side
Jesus said “Now look back;
You’ll see one set of tracks.
That’s when you got a piggy-back ride.”Response to ‘This Is Just To Say’
This note on the fridge is to say
That those ripe plums that you put away
Well, I ate them last night
They tasted all right
Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay?Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening
There once was a horse-riding chap
Who took a trip in a cold snap
He stopped in the snow
But he soon had to go:
He was miles away from a nap.Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
There was an old father of Dylan
Who was seriously, mortally illin’
“I want,” Dylan said
“You to bitch till you’re dead.
“I’ll be pissed if you kick it while chillin’.”I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud
There once was a poet named Will
Who tramped his way over a hill
And was speechless for hours
Over some stupid flowers
This was years before TV, but still.THE ONE FOR DO NOT GO GENTLE
IM CRYING
A chap from a faraway land
Said two big stone legs (topless) stand
An inscription fine
Reads “this shit’s all mine”
But all there’s to see is the sand.OMFG,
The Second Coming
The falcon flies wider in scorn
All things fall apart, or are torn
And now, what rough beast
Will arise in the East
And slouch Bethlehemward to be born?Edgar Allen Poe, “The Raven”:
Enthroned on the bust by the door,
The raven exclaims “Nevermore!”
It’s rather annoying,
For I was enjoying
My mourning for dear lost Lenore.Edgar Allen Poe, “The Bells”:
Bells are quite noisy, it’s true,
And each has a quite distinct hue,
From silver and gold
Different stories are told,
Foretelling both glory and rue.W. H. Auden, “Funeral Blues”:
Shut off the clocks and the phone,
And let no dog bark with his bone:
Let the planes overhead
Only say “he is dead”…
Now I’m sorry, there’s nobody home.T. S. Eliot, “The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock”:
A man can walk down on the beach
Roll his pants up and munch on a peach;
He isn’t deluded
And won’t be included
By mermaids that sing each to each.T.S. Eliot, “The Wasteland”:
You called me the hyacinth girl
When you gave sweet Shakespeare a whirl;
The city’s unreal,
And the dead men don’t feel,
So let’s let the storm warnings twirl.Lewis Carroll, “The Jabberwock”:
‘Twas mimsy out there by the wabe
And all of the momewraths out grabe.
The Jabberwock’s dead
(Some kid took off its head,
And his father said “You’re my best babe!”).Beowulf:
Terribly troubled, the Thane
Demanded defense from a Dane
For fierce in the fen
Mighty monsters maimed men
Great Grendal gave plenty of pain.William Butler Yeats, “Stolen Child”:
Come on, human kid, and let’s go,
There’s so much to see and to show.
Run off with the fae,
Hurry fast, skip away,
And you’ll never a mortal life know!John Keats, ‘La Belle Dame Sans Merci":
The sedge is all dry; spring has sped,
And the birds that once sang have all fled.
The merciless dame
Goes on making her claim
To young hunks who keep winding up dead.Lord Tennyson, “The Princess”:
The echoes keep fading away
With the splendor that ebbs with the day,
But the castle is grand
In this bright fairyland,
And there’s not that much else I can say.Christina Rossetti, “Goblin Market”:
At goblin men we mustn’t stare,
And we shouldn’t go to their Fair.
Their fruit may seem tasty,
But we can’t be hasty,
And don’t let them play with your hair!Oh my god, the Beowulf one. Oh.
holy shit, the merciless dame is perfect
I love the jabberwock!
Shakespeare, Sonnet 18
Have I called you a summer’s day yet?
Like the sun, and ur makin me sweat
Even Death is dismayed
Cuz you castin’ no shade
An I wrote this so peeps won’t forget
I’m in awe.
Kimchi and Justice 