So apparently in Skyrim, if you just eat all your stolen items in between the “wait I know you” and actually getting arrested, the guard will just… walk away???
I LEGITIMATELY DOWNLOADED AND INSTALLED SKYRIM JUST TO TEST THIS.
I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING AFTERWARDS.
You do know you can just… keep walking, right? Also why are you only stealing food items???
1) it’s not about the fact that you can keep walking
2) it’s not about playing properly only stealing food
It’s about CAN YOU, if your only stolen items are food, eat them all and get out of being arrested. The answer is yes.
If you’re trying to make this into some sort of logic or reason thing you are not playing Skyrim correctly my dude.
It’s about the mental image of a guard starting to apprehend you, watching you devour three cheese wheels in like half a second (presumably looking him dead in the eyes as you do), and deciding that he is not getting paid enough to deal with this bullshit.
I know most of you never thought about that, but… GUYS.
“What Can I Do” [wɒt kæn aɪ duː] sounds awfully like “водки найду” [vɒtki naɪduː], which means “I’m gonna find some vodka”.
“Can’t Buy Me Love” [kɑːnt baɪ miː lʌv] is another gem, because I know a whole bunch of people who sing along to that with the phrase “кинь бабе лом” [kɪŋˈbɑːbi lom], which means “throw a crowbar to that [tough] woman”.
Don’t be alarmed, that’s just the way we hear things.
I do that even when I’m sober… T_T
Michael Jackson’s “I’m bad” sounds awfully close to “Обед” [abed], which translates as “Dinner”. So we often call this song ”The song of a very hungry man” 😉
It happens in spanish too!
“I wanna love you” sounds like “Agua en el hoyo” (water in the hole) and a lot of people sing it that way instead.
See also “This is the rhythm of the night” -> “¿Esos son Rebook o son Nike?” (Are those Rebook or Nike?)
I see this entry is revived))
I need to make another example: “Let’s twist again, like we did last summer”, the “ like we did last summer” is often sung like, “и трусы с лавсаном (and the underpants with lavsan)”. I’ve seen people singing that in karaoke. As you might have guessed, that… amplifies the fun a bit.
To conclude this part, I also need to make an honourable mention. Thanks to Taika Waititi, “VLADISLAV! Baby don’t hurt me…” has gone GLOBAL)))
In Dutch, these are called “mama appelsapjes”, in honour of the refrain in Michael Jackson’s “Wanna be starting something”, which sounds a bit like “mama apple juice”.
The real classic, however, is “ik zat alleen in een vuile kameel” (I sat alone in a dirty camel), heard in “Down under” by Man at Work.
My fave will always be the opening lines of “This Sex Is On Fire”. I genuinely have no idea what the actual English lines are, but in Dutch it sounds like
“Eeuwen geleden (Centuries ago)
Ik kom met het zout” (I come with the salt)
Doesn’t even make any good sense but it manages the get me going every time.
It gets better!! We need more stories like that ;} Other languages, anyone?
oh my god, this is a huge thing in denmark with coldplay’s yellow. the lyric “your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones” unmistakably sounds like the danish “jeg sked, åh ja jeg sked en bums” which in turns means “I shat, oh yeah I shat a pimple”. it’s gotten to the point where it’s such a beloved joke nationwide that coldplay has been informed of it and find it very difficult to play the song in denmark because people simultaneously scream the wrong lyrics and lose their shit completely
I watched a Buzzfeed video about this and now I can’t hear Sweet Dreams Are Made of This without thinking “sin jeans al mediodia” (without jeans at noon)
Hay agua en el refri (I want to break free) is my favourite
The one direction song “one thing” is famous in France for beginning with “ive tried playing it cool” which sounds a hell lot like “attrape les mes couilles” in French :’)
There’s that one song where they repeat “this kiss, this kiss”, well in Finnish it sounds like “tiskis” which approximately translates as dish washing
We even have a radio station publishing misheard lyrics like that here in Germany.
One of the classics is probably Chris Norman’s Midnight Lady: instead of hearing “Oh my feelings grow” we hear “Oma fiel ins Klo” which translates to “Grandma fell into the toilet”. Or “Aghate Bauer” (Aghate Farmer) instead of “I’ve got the Power” OR “It must have been something you said” as “Du musst besoffen bestelln” (You have to order drunk).
A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they’re all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.
I would watch the crap outta this like wow
Envy: “Glut, back off the guy, okay?”
Gluttony: “I’m just saying he could stand to gain a few pounds! I made spaghetti!”
Sloth: “After we eat, it’s gonna be time for a nice nap. We’ve earned it!”
Pride: “Damn right we did!”
Just imagine the Catholic Church making a statement regarding this new tv show.
Wrath does nothing but encourage him to punch assholes.
“You deserve better! That was YOUR parking space!”
“He’s like three hundred pounds of muscle, Wrath.”
“And you are 165 pounds of RAGE!”
Wrath’s advice isn’t great, but he means well.
Greed spends his days trying to help him manage his budget and put money on the side
“Bro check this out i’ve got the sickest retirement plan, technically it’s tax evasion i guess but fuck those guys, right?”
So I accidentally learned today about this thing where lots of people ship Carmen Sandiego and Waldo from Where’s Waldo?
And on the one hand I love it, because it’s silly and hilarious and you can learn about it and giggle and move on OR you can think about it for a long time and get really into it and that’s a great thing about the Internet
But it really grinds my gears that all the fanart visions of the couple I could immediately see on google showed this really conventionally gendered arrangement where Waldo is like leading/supporting Carmen or rescuing her?
And it’s like exCUSE ME I get that they’d be a cute couple because they’re both hard to find, and because why not, but like she’s an ex-detective criminal mastermind unbound by time and space and he’s a tourist who can’t find his map they are hard to find for VERY DIFFERENT REASONS and you cannot convince me that fucking adorable bespectacled soft butch brings-a-walking-stick-to-the-beach dazed and confused WALDO would be in the driver’s seat of that operation I mean GOD
Right, i mean obviously you can’t find Waldo because CARMEN SANDIEGO STOLE HIM.
the most #UselessLesbian thing i have ever done was when i was trying to figure out if this girl liked me or not, just constantly arguing with myself about it, and after a couple, uh, months, of this, i was like, “god i wish i could just like… go to court and lay out all this evidence and have a couple lawyers argue over the TRUE MEANING of her text messages, and then a judge tells me if she likes me or not.” and then the proverbial lightbulb went off over my proverbial head, and i dug into my mock trial folder from high school and found the trial guidelines and i wrote out an entire trial transcript featuring a plaintiff (me), my attorney (my wildest hopes and dreams), a defense attorney (my worst fears and insecurities), and a judge (my desperate attempt at rationality). the final product was several thousand words long. it clarified nothing. at any point in this process did it occur to me to ask her how she felt about me? absolutely not. did i ever stop and think, “hey, maybe i should tell her that i like her?” absolutely not. that’s for people who take risks and i don’t take risks i take myself to court in my own head.
grade A romcom material here just picture the movie:
a harried law student meets a pretty girl (maybe she’s an artist or something else cheesy and romantic) the pretty girl flirts with her but she can’t decide if it’s just being friends or actually flirting
she gets together with her friends and over the course of a few days holds an epic mock trial that draws more and more of a crowd until the pretty girl finds out
at the last minute the pretty girl rushes into the courtroom shouting “i have new evidence to present to the court,” the mock judge asks her to step forward and she just kisses the law student
the courtroom cheers
case closed ruled in favor of the defendant
later after they graduate they get married at the courthouse
The only acceptable reason for this is if this character is actually a demon who seduces men and then eats them. [source]
who wrote this, expose him
my breasts are nicely separated. Completely divided, every year they move apart by half an inch.
My breasts are nicely separated though they still fight for custody of the children.
I,,a woman,,,am WiDeR LOweR dOwN
That was difficult to read.
So ugly
My name is Ebony D’arkness Dementia Raven Way, and my breasts are nicely separated
OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT AND HOW ON EARTH DID IT GET PUBLISHED
You can always tell when it’s a man writing a description because they focus oddly on the breasts. There will always be something about breasts and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read historical or fantasy fiction and they talk about “her breasts hanging freely under her tunic” or what the fuck ever and it’s like…women don’t do that? We don’t describe ourselves by saying “I have blonde hair and blue eyes and my breasts hang freely under my tunic”. I kind of feel like we should counter by awkwardly mentioning all male character’s balls in their description. It’s kind of in the same vein.
“I have auburn hair and hazel eyes and my copious nicely separated balls hangs freely under my breeches”
G E T W I D E R L O W E R D O W N
“To get back to my body”
This is the first time I saw this post with art and I am in tears.
Reblogging again because IT HAS BEEN ILLUSTRATED NOW 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Im actually laughing so hard omg
end harpy shaming 2k18
Also pleats are for fabric, plaits are for hair
Like, I’m trying to imagine pleated hair. Is that like a bad 80s crimp job or something?
another weird thing about beer is that it has weird masculinity connections to it. “ya i’ll get a beer, i don’t want none of them girly drinks” Jimothy, you’re drinking wheat juice with a 5% alcohol content and my mixed, fruity, “girly” drink is 40% alcohol and tastes great
O.KAY *CRACKS KNUCKLES* I AM ABOUT TO GIVE YOU AN EDUCATION
BEER IS TRADITIONALLY A WOMAN’S DRINK, IT IS THE MOST FEMALE OF ALL OF THE DRINKS. FOR THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF YEARS, BEER WAS MADE AT HOME BY WOMEN, TO BE CONSUMED BY WOMEN AND CHILDREN–IT WAS ACTUALLY A SOURCE OF NUTRIENTS FOR MANY HOUSEHOLDS. WOMEN CREATED THE CRAFT OF BEER, AND FOR MOST OF HUMAN HISTORY THAT IS WHO YOU’D BUY IT FROM: MANY WOMEN MADE ADDITIONAL INCOME BY BREWING AND SELLING BEER FROM HOME. IT WASN’T UNTIL THE ERA OF INDUSTRIALIZATION THAT BEER BEGAN TO BE BREWED IN FACTORIES. AND ONCE BEER WAS BEING BREWED ON A LARGE SCALE, IT MADE TO START MARKETING IT TO ALL THE MALE FACTORY WORKERS WHO SUDDENLY HAD EXTRA INCOME. HENCE AN AGGRESSIVE MARKETING CAMPAIGN TO RE-BRAND BEER, A DRINK INTRINSICALLY TIED WITH WOMEN’S HISTORY, AS A ‘MASCULINE’ BEVERAGE.
EVEN BETTER, FEMALE BREWSTERS WERE THE ORIGINAL WICKED OLD WITCH. THE TROPES WE COMMONLY ASSOCIATE WITH STEREOTYPICAL WITCHES ARE ACTUALLY BASED ON THE TRADITIONAL BREWSTER. CAULDRONS & HOT STEAMING POTIONS = BEER BREWING. THE WITCH’S HAT: BELIEVE IT OR NOT POINTY HATS WERE ACTUALLY WORN BY BREWSTERS WHEN SELLING THEIR PRODUCT AT MARKETS: THE ENORMOUS HEADGEAR HELPED THEM STAND OUT, AND CLEARLY TOLD EVERYONE ‘YO MOTHERFUCKA GET YOUR BEER HERE’.
CATS AS FAMILIARS: CATS WERE COMMONLY USED TO PREVENT RODENTS FROM GETTING INTO THE WHEAT. EVEN THE BROOMSTICK IS RELATED TO BEER: A BUNDLE OF TWIGS RESEMBLING A BROOM WAS USED AS AD FOR ALEHOUSES
so basically, beer is the ultimate woman’s and witch’s drink
REBLOG ME
fuck u guys, i didn’t spend 20 min fact checking for 3 notes
I am impressed at this much knowledge
Also, anthropologists say there is much evidence that women invented agriculture, and that the first semi-permenant agricultural villages were established for the primary purpose of facilitating beer-brewing.
That’s right: Civilization was invented by women. For beer.
I love this. Everything toxic about western male identity can be traced back to some sort of caveman ad campaign.
LISTEN UP MY BITCHES THERE IS MORE!
i love it when sexists use caveman ‘it’s just biology’ to justify misogyny because there’s growing evidence that ancient humans split childcare evenly. to be precise, men were probably in charge of majority of child care, due to the fact that through pregnancy women already put in disproportionate effort to reproduction: even distribution of labor is evolutionarily advantageous.
a lot of what we ‘know’ about ancient humans is the interpretations of male scientists looking at the past through the lens of a modern patriarchal society. as womens’ voice become more heard, within and outside of the field, we’re getting new interpretations that are based on science and not prejudice.
ancient ‘Venus’ figurines, some of the oldest artworks in existence. so named for the ‘ideal woman,’ the roman goddess of beauty, as it was assumed they were made through male carvers (google ‘the male gaze’), and therefore erotic.
NOPE
a newer (and way more compelling) theory is that they are self-depictions by female artists. ancient humans didn’t have mirrors, obviously. notice the way the breasts and stomachs bulge? that’s what happens when you look down at your own body. instead of the male gaze, these figurines come from the female’s self-gaze, so to speak–it is from women’s literal viewpoint of their own bodies.
society insists on sexualizing women, but these statues were probably meant to reflect womanhood, fertility, and motherhood.
most of history is written and interpreted by men. it’s not that men have more influenced the world, it’s that the spectacular contributions of women have been erase. Women’s absence in history is artificially created by men.
Kimchi and Justice 