goodticklebrain:

Dear old Shakespeare’s birthday/deathday is coming up this Sunday! To celebrate, I’ve written him a little song.

….OK, I’ve stolen a song from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton and then rewritten all the lyrics.

Happy Birthday, Shakespeare!

For other Shakespearean Hamilton parodies, check out

And for other Shakespeare birthday comics, check out

@linmanuel !

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

chaoticproximity:

yournewfriendshouse:

zinglebert-bembledack:

agoodcartoon:

digitaldiscipline:

magistrate-of-mediocrity:

dr-archeville:

bogleech:

kramergate:

micspam:

ghostsnif:

sciencevevo:

agoodcartoon:

Guys who complain about the friendzone often don’t care about their female friends’ personal boundaries, forcing their female friends build more walls up. A good cartoon.

– submitted by Gene

why is he tearing down a wall with an axe

i hate it when your put in the friendzone and made to tear down a wall

Mr. Gorbachev…tear down this friendzone

how you gonna draw some shit that makes you look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining and still feel like you’re the victim

I DON’T *CHOP* UNDERSTAND *CHOP* WHY *CHOP* YOU CAN’T *CHOP* JUST *CHOP* LET ME *CHOP* BONE YOU *CHOP* ON AN INDEFINITE *CHOP* EXCLUSIVE *CHOP* BASIS *CHOP* WHEN *CHOP* I’M *CHOP* SO *CHOP* NIIIIIIIIIIIICE *CHOP*

“I’m going to wall you up now, Fortunato.”

“Ha ha, and then what? 😉 ”

“For the love of God, Montresor!”
-Cask of Amontifriendzone, Edgar Allan Poe

Incessantly, I heard a smacking,
as of some entitled dipshit whacking,
whacking on my chamber door.

Resignedly, I placed another layer,
voicing a quiet, repeated prayer,
“This dude thinks he’s a player,
but I am not a point to score,
he should fuck off and bother me no more.”

Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

– The Craven, by Edward Allen Bro

edgar allen bro

Oh my god

holy shit

This gets better every time.

(Tips hat)

M’ontresor

andhumanslovedstories:

andhumanslovedstories:

Okay guys but a remake of The Princess Bride where the frame story is a sick little girl home from school, playing like Breath of the Wild when her grandmother comes in to read her a book. And she starts reading aloud, and the fantasy part starts and it’s footage from the original film that plays for 30 seconds, before the little girl interrupts to be like “is this a story where a bunch of guys save a girl?” in this really annoyed voice

And the grandmother is like “……nooo, let me start again, I misread,” and the fantasy starts again, except this time Wesley is a farm girl and Buttercup is the haughty boy who doesn’t realize he loves her, and Inigo Montoya is a woman, and so is Fezzik and Vizzini, and Humperdinck and Miracle Max, they’re all women, and the only men in the story are the ones playing the roles that were originally female (so: Buttercup, Max’s wife, old lady who boos in nightmare sequence, I literally think that’s it?)

(I thought about lesbian Princess Bride because of course, but then I thought what if you kept the script almost exactly the same, and when reviews complain that the men were boring, we can be like THE ROLES WERE ALWAYS BORING IT JUST WASNT NOTICEABLE BECAUSE THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE WOMEN)

(Lesbian Princess Bride tho, that’s giving me a lot to think about)

And there’s nothing gritty about the remake, the swordplay is as acrobatic as it is unrealistic, the quips are just as light, the colors just as bright, the characters just as ridiculous, and the rodents of unusual size are still giant puppets except women, everywhere women, women women women of all kinds, and it wins a billion oscars

@alkaloidbitch made a very important point about how we may Enhance the Gay, yes yes yes let me stress the degree to which Inigo and Fezzik are married, and oh boy the height difference, oh boy god almighty the sweet sweet height difference

Alberta Health Services expands scope of mumps outbreak to include entire Edmonton zone

star-anise:

allthecanadianpolitics:

As the number mumps cases continues to rise, Alberta Health Services (AHS) is responding by expanding the scope of the outbreak to include the entire Edmonton zone.

According to an AHS news release, as of March 28, 51 cases of mumps have been confirmed in Alberta so far this year, 24 of which are in Edmonton Zone.

The outbreak had previously been declared specific to the University of Alberta. In February, the University confirmed four cases of mumps at its main campus.

AHS is recommending anyone who lives, works or goes to school in Edmonton, and was born in or after 1970, receive up to two free doses of the vaccine.

“To stop the further spread of illness, and protect ourselves and our loved ones, we encourage all Edmonton Zone residents to ensure that they are up to date with all of their immunizations,” said Dr. Joanna Oda, zone medical officer of health with AHS. “If you’re unsure of your immunization status, call Health Link at 811 or your local public health centre.”

Anyone born before 1970 is assumed to be immune to the mumps because of the disease’s prevalence during that time. Anyone who has already received at least two doses of the vaccine does not require any additional doses.

Continue Reading.

Jeez, guys, STOP PARTYING WITH JILL AND GET IMMUNIZED.

@latining @wuts-good-gatsby

Alberta Health Services expands scope of mumps outbreak to include entire Edmonton zone

rainbowgingerkitty:

coffeebuddha:

sikadion:

juptile:

bazernalbus:

Concept: fantasy world where dragons are A Thing™ but instead of them being these rare, semi-legendary creatures who exist solely to terrorise and wreak havoc and mayhem and burn inconveniences to a crisp they’re like… dogs… vaguely domesticated cats…

They come in loads of sizes and it’s a common thing to hear them scritching across your roof or rummaging in your garbage. You pass by like four every time you go to the market.

There’s even some snoozing at market stalls and strays playing with children and stealing scraps of food that fall in the street, with mottled scales and mixed textures of feathers and mismatched jewel colours.

Your favourite baker has three tiny western diamondtips who are in charge of keeping the ovens fired up and don’t always eat all of the bread. Sometimes.

Linda Bagshot on the corner has a ground rooster who can’t fly but always reaches up and stretches her neck out as far as she can to try and scrounge pets as you pass her garden wall.

A local inn is named after its summer aura who is the length of the room, all careful length and soft scales, with breath perfumed like spring breeze and scales that emanate just enough warmth to comfort, just enough that you won’t fall asleep, just enough that it’s tempting nonetheless.

The school you went to has a forest guardian older than the town itself who spends all his time slowly ambling down the corridors, and his favourites are the kids learning their first letters who like to read to him, sound out letters and marks that don’t have any correlation just yet, and you know that nobody has conclusively proven that dragons understand human tongues but you also know that if anyone understands, it’s him.

There’s a festival of dragons, a public holiday where banners are strewn and candles glow even into the wee hours and rainbow confetti and paint clogs the streets and maybe some overexcited babies set things alight but that’s ok, the town prepared better this year, far fewer people will lose their gardens and eyebrows this time, they promise.

And yes ok, there are big dragons. Ferocious dragons. Dragons that only come out once every ten years to feed and pillage. Dragons who rule the seas and shake mountains, who take flight and block out the stars. There are reasons you don’t go into the woods at night, reasons some wells are avoided, reasons entire villages up and vanished without a trace.

But there are also dragons who curl up with your children to rock them to sleep, and ward off nightmares. There are dragons who open doors and fetch supplies and guide those without sight. There are dragons who mimic words and whistles and delight in your joy when they get them just right.

There are dragons who adopt orphaned piglets, kittens, lambs, calves, puppies, ducklings. There are dragons who sunbathe and dragons who need kept on ice and dragons who climb atop weather vanes in storms to conduct electricity. Dragons who sparkle like jewels in the light and dragons who glow in the dark and dragons with flora creeping in and around their scales and dragons who sound like windchimes when they fold their wings.

Concept: there are dragons.

There are so many dragons.

@dragonsgalaxy

@ace-of-allons-y

@sweetfirebird

This was so soothing