yknow if romeo had just Cried on juliets corpse for a couple hours instead of drinking poison Right Then they would have been Fine
The moral of the story is: always take time to cry for a few hours before making important decisions.
So I’m more or less being facetious here, but this is actually a thing.
Hamlet is genre savvy. Hamlet knows how Tragedies work, and he’s not going to rush in and get stabby without making absolutely certain he’s got all the facts.
Except once he thinks he has all the facts – once he’s certain that it really is the ghost of his father and Claudius really did kill him, he rushes in and stabs the wrong guy, which starts a domino line of deaths and gets Laertes embroiled in his own revenge tragedy and ultimately results in the deaths of nearly every character other than Horatio.
That’s the irony and the tragedy of the story. Hamlet knows his tropes and actively tries to avoid them, and the tropes get him anyway. It’s inevitable, the tropes are hungry.
I want a sticker that says the tropes are hungry so I can put it on my laptop
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun; Coral is far more red than her lips’ red; If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun; If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head. I have seen roses damask’d, red and white, But no such roses see I in her cheeks; And in some perfumes is there more delight Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know That music hath a far more pleasing sound; I grant I never saw a goddess go; My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground: And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare As any she belied with false compare.
Everyone has been talking about the Countess Olivia, so let’s swing over to her household and see what’s going on over there!
I love Sir Andrew. He’s a total idiot, but such an endearing one. Sir Toby, meanwhile, is a dick.
FUN FACT: Maria’s name is pronounced “mah-RYE-ah” and not “mah-REE-ah”. Fortunately, “Toby” and “Andrew” are pronounced pretty much like you’d expect them to be.
My scene-by-scene re-telling of Twelfth Night saunters on, with today’s comic seeing the introduction of one of Shakespeare’s great female leads: Viola.
FUN FACT: The name “Viola” isn’t actually mentioned by any character until the last scene of the play! We literally have no idea what her real name is until the last scene.
OTHER FUN FACT: “Viola” is pronounced “VIE-oh-lah” and not, as I originally thought in my youth, "vee-OH-lah". One is a famous Shakespearean heroine, the other is a massively underrated string instrument.
And don’t ask me about her cunning plan to disguise herself as a singing eunuch. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
You’ve checked out the dramatis personae, so let’s get right into the opening scene of Twelfth Night, with one of Shakespeare’s most famous opening lines!
Orsino is such a drama queen. He’s also kind of an obsessive stalker at this point, with no respect for boundaries or for other people’s feelings.
Don’t be like Orsino, guys. He’s got some good lines, but his interpersonal skills need help. Tune in next week to see if he gets it!
Also (and I swear I’ll stop harping on about this soon) be sure to check out my Patreon page! For a small monthly subscription, you not only help me continue making stick figure Shakespeare comics, but you also get access to a variety of fun, exclusive perks!
I’m at the pop up globe watching twelfth night and I kid u not the fool basically just went ‘anyway here’s wonderwall’ and is actually fucking playing it with all the audience singing along???? And all i can think is how happy shakespeare would be that his play is being upstaged by a fucking meme
Time for another scene-by-scene retelling of an entire Shakespeare play! This time around I’m going to try my hand at adapting my first comedy, and it’s one of my favorites: Twelfth Night.
LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
Also, be sure to check outmy Patreon page! For a small monthly subscription, you not only help me continue making stick figure Shakespeare comics, but you also get access to a variety of fun, exclusive perks!
I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:
Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.
Think about it.
Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.
Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.
They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.
Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.
The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.
Everybody wins. Nobody dies.
THE SHAKESPERE AU I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED
DUDE DID YOU JUST FIX ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC PLAYS EVER CREATED?!
ONCE AGAIN EVERYTHING IS SOLVED BY THE QUEER LENS.
Yesterday the choice Juliet had was to let her mom keep talking, or to interrupt and learn a little more about how big rooster sex parts are. The winner by a slim margin was to learn rooster science, so that’s what we’ll do! THANKS, INTERNET. Again there’s only one choice in the first node, so we’ll keep going and get TWO nodes today!
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LEARN MORE ABOUT ROOSTER PARTS, HOW BIG ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?
Gosh, I don’t know … about the size of a small egg?
Okay. Cool. Gross.
MOVING ON
Your mom says she wants you to get married and have kids right away. You know, like she did when she was twelve! She says you’re overdue, Juliet!
MOMS, am I right??
Anyway, she’s organized this party tonight so that you can meet your future husband, to whom you are, as of a few hours ago, already promised. She’s set it all up, wheels are already in motion, so you’ll definitely be marrying the dude you meet tonight. Also, she says, it’s a masked ball, so everyone will be hiding their faces!
You note to yourself that this is a terrible themed party to have if you actually want to judge how attractive people are, so this dude she wants you to marry must be have some problems.
“Juliet,” your mom says, “don’t you think this surprise mandatory arranged marriage is the most wonderful news??”
Alright, this is getting serious. If you keep doing everything your mother asks of you, you’re going to end up married to a stranger, and not just any stranger, but one who thinks the best way to meet women is to get their moms to promise women to him sight unseen. You wanna get out of here, see the world, maybe start making some decisions for yourself?
Or do you want to say “Yes Mom” automatically?
OPTION ADVENTURE: Run past them, tear out of the house, never look back
OPTION MAYBE MARRIAGE IS ITS OWN ADVENTURE: Say “Yes Mom” automatically.
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Reblog to run away for new adventures, fav to stay put and agree with your Mom and see what she’s got up her sleeve, and we’ll go with the winning option tomorrow! And don’t forget to order your copy of the book! ❤
For SOME reason, I have a feeling OPTION ADVENTURE is gonna win out over OPTION “MAYBE MARRIAGE IS ITS OWN ADVENTURE”??
Ryan North’s choose your own adventure comics are some of my favorites. (the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #7 anyone?)
Kimchi and Justice 