How many people’s fantasies did Deadpool just live out?
nickfil on Reddit: “Fun fact: I’m the colorist for that story and originally made him a gryffindor. We went back and forth on a couple rounds of corrections and the editors insisted hufflepuff. That isn’t a casual joke. That’s deliberate deadpool cannon.”
I… cannot get over my delight that Deadpool is a Hufflepuff.
Canonically.
this is the type of thing I like comic book creators to spend a lot of time thinking about, not whether characters wear underpants
gryffindor: skinned knees, singed eyebrows, a candle held just a little bit too close to the face. ski-lodge hot chocolate. that trick people play with bic lighters where you end up holding a handful of flames. sparks from a burning christmas tree (whole needles drifting skyward, carried by the smoke – a new beginning to a new year.)
hufflepuff: new growth sprouting from the earth, turning clay on a potters wheel, warm food that tastes like home and sticks to the inside of your ribs. falling in love with a new pet. giving someone a cool rock. walking barefoot on pavement still warm from a day of sun, soaking up the earth’s energy through your feet.
ravenclaw: graph paper, open windows, immensely detailed and precise paper airplanes. sunny winter days. caffeine fueled epiphanies – watching the sun come up as you put the finishing touches on a paper and not caring because you know you made something worth being proud of. the way the wind moves your pages around when you’re reading outside, never quite losing your place.
slytherin: waves crashing against jagged rocks, evergreen trees silhouetted against a flat white sky. a clear mountain lake, every detail of the bottom visible from the surface except for the true depth of the water. a really well-fitting suit, the purposeful sound of high heels on linoleum. the film noir look of headlights on wet pavement. a city in the pouring rain.
I bet for the professors teaching Ravenclaws is like herding cats away from empty boxes.
Older Ravenclaws have finely honed the art of asking just the right argumentative questions to direct their teacher onto an entire-class-session-long tangent about something entirely irrelevant to the course material.
Can you imagine Ravenclaws trying to overhaul the entire school system with Muggle ideas. Trying to figure out how to best teach people, more concerned with how people learn than what they’re learning.
“Why do we force people to learn things they aren’t interested in, we should create our own curriculum.”
“We should figure out everyone’s learning styles.”
“We need smaller class sizes.”
“No, no, wait, guys, what if we eliminated grades entirely.”
Yeah, Ravenclaws would drive Hermione up the wall.
“Fire the whole staff and start over.”
“Present more opportunities for seventh-year independent research!”
“Why hasn’t anyone made magically modified calculators yet?”
“Why are we still using quills and parchment when pencils exist? Please explain.”
“I don’t want to enter the work force directly after school, what are my options for higher education? Is there magical university?”
“I don’t feel confident in my professor’s qualifications because she’s teaching me astrology but doesn’t know any facts about space beyond about the year 1764.”
Muggleborn Ravenclaws forming rogue study groups to teach other students chemistry and algebra and English literature, just imagine.
“They call this the astronomy tower but we’re learning about the effects of Venus when it’s in the fourth house and the professor doesn’t believe Neptune is a planet I am really concerned.”
“Okay but what’s the oxidation state of Mandrake root in pepperup potion?”
“But can you apply differential calculus to arithmancy or not?“
“The portrayal of the witches in Macbeth has some pretty troubling implications, also, I don’t think their potion would have actually done anything.”
I sincerely believe that by 7th year Ravenclaws would just tell the door to their common room to fuck off and it would open for them
Q “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” A “You shouldn’t shove either up your arse.” “…Technically, yes.”
Imagine it, a poor First Year is waiting outside the common room, they can’t answer the riddle in a way to appease the eagle and must wait until someone else to answer it for them. It’s getting late, they’re starting to resign themselves to having to spend the night here.
Suddenly, their saviour comes! It’s a seventh year! Back from a night finishing off their Araithmancy essay in the Library. They look angry, but our poor little first year squares their shoulders, waiting to see what will happen, and hope that they’ll keep the door open for them.
The Seventh Year bangs the handle against the wall, and a slightly disgruntled voice asks the question again: “What is the truth?”
The Student Replies, “The Truth is that I am so fucking sick of all these mother fucking questions about stupid fucking topics like this you bloody fuck-witted bastard. Who in the name of Merlin’s saggy left testicle gives a fucking damn about all this shit anyway? I’ve been working my arse off in the library for the last seven hours now let me the fuck in or, truthfully, I’ll blast my way in and take you with me.”
The eagle knocker tutts, but allows the student entry anyway, and our little first year enters, eyes wide and in shock. They watch the seventh year go up to their bedroom, awe all over their face at their new hero. They did, indeed, learn something that day by waiting for someone to arrive, they learnt that swearing has a magic all of it’s fucking own, and that sometimes it is big and clever to use it.
Okay but the Hat was just like, “Sure kid whatever” when Harry requested against Slytherin. What kind of conversation was this?
NO NEVILLE I CAN’T DO THAT YOU HAVE THE HEART OF A LION
THE WIZARD OF OZ WILL GIVE YOU COURAGE NEVILLE
HAKUNA MATATA NEVILLE
DO NOT RECITE THE DEEP MAGIC TO ME NEVILLE I WAS THERE WHEN IT WAS WRITTEN
Okay, I’ve seen this post a couple of times & something just occurred to me.
Harry was pretty 50/50 Gryffindor/Slytherin from what I remember the hat saying (and according to the wiki blurb on hatstalls having a fairly equal split of traits from more than one house is the common cause of them) so when he asked not to be put into Slytherin the hat was fine with taking that preference into account and put him in Gryffindor. (Also the fact that the hat said he could be great and powerful in Slytherin and Harry’s response was pretty much no I don’t want that pretty clearly demonstrates non-Slytherin traits.)
On the other hand, the above doesn’t mention the hat being at all indecisive about where to put Neville. The hat wasn’t going “hmmm this is tough you’re pretty Gryffindor but you’re kind of Hufflepuff too”. It was probably more like “Yep! Gryffindor for sure!” Followed by Neville being all “No I’m totally a Hufflepuff!” and then proceeding to argue with the hat about it for almost 5 minutes. (Which when you think about it is a super Gryffindor thing to do.) By the end the hat was probably like oh my god kid you’re so Gryffindor you’re practically Godric’s heir shut up and get sorted there already!
“You’re practically Godric’s heir!”
As Neville pulls the sword of Gryffindor from the depths of the hat seven years later, the hat must have been so fucking smug. Like “oh yeah kid, this is such a Hufflepuff thing to do. Charge in with a blade and the bare basics of a plan that basically boils down to ‘I trust Harry, kill the snake.’ Helga would TOTALLY have done that. Oh wait! Did I say Helga? I MEANT GRYFFINDOR!”
Kimchi and Justice 