autisticadvocacy:

Suggestions for anon?

Man, I keep writing dissertations for these.

My (normally very verbal) five year old sometimes does this too.  (We’re not sure if he’s NT or not – our whole family is kind of in a diagnostic limbo.  I’m pretty sure his father is autistic, but.  who knows.  Anyway.)  can you find any kind of pattern to this?  is it mostly when she’s distressed, or also at other times?  if it’s mostly when she’s distressed, what kind of distress?  (like, is she hurt, is she embarrassed, is she sad, etc.)  (and pay close attention if it’s also at other times – is it possible that something is happening that’s upsetting for her but not something an adult would notice?  i find this happens a LOT.  My son is frequently upset about things I would NEVER have thought might upset him. XD)

Honestly I’d go right ahead with asking a five year old “are you having trouble talking right now?”  from there you can move on to Is there something you need? Are you hurt? Do you need to be alone for a little while? (all the way up to “am I asking too many questions?”)  If the problem is that she’s too overwhelmed to talk, you taking on the job of talking rather than trying to coax her to talk may be a relief to her, and paradoxically help her get back to talking more quickly.

One thing I find with my son is that when he refuses to talk it’s often because he doesn’t have a script for the situation.  And a lot of five year olds are like this, whether neurotypical or not – keep in mind the kid has only been speaking the language for like three years.  They don’t always know what they want to say.  Some of them deal with this by using the wrong words, some deal with it by using no words. 

I try to process with him after something upsetting happens (whether it’s that he did something wrong, or something happened to him), and if it’s the case that he didn’t use words, I’ll suggest some to him for next time.  “You wanted me to get out of your way, so you pushed me.  It would be better to say ‘excuse me’ so I know to move out of your way.”  obviously a simplistic example but you get the point.  Kids have a lot on their plates when dealing with tough situations: 

• notice that something is wrong
• figure out what the problem is
• figure out what emotion they are having about it
• figure out what they want to do about it
• try to deal with it, which often creates a new problem, leading right back to step one. 

Adding “create and speak aloud an original sentence to communicate the problem” is a lot to ask when they’re already trying to do so much.  (in a classroom, you’re only supposed to give even a NT kid that age MAYBE two directions at a time, or else they get overwhelmed.)  And really, speech isn’t where the main focus should be – the focus should be on solving the problem, right?  so we can get rid of the assumption that a kid has to make up their own words to talk about it, and give them some scripts to work with.  

Obviously I don’t know your kid, nor am I a speech pathologist (although I was a kindergarten teacher for several years) so don’t take this as professional advice, yadda yadda. But I hope it’s helpful.