Tag: autismproblems

wifemomartist:

jgamer-aspie:

wifemomartist:

jgamer-aspie:

butterflyinthewell:

Using your PC to explain autism to people who don’t get it.

My brain tries to acknowledge literally everything, and I have to decide whether to click “yes” or “no’ when it prompts me to acknowledge or ignore stimuli. 

Clock ticking? Y/N … N
Cat running wildly through the house? Y/N … N
Telephone ringing? Y/N … Y
Name called? Y/N … Y

I might click ‘no’ without ‘reading’ the message, but I’m still acknowledging it long enough to discard it. 

Stimming is me idling as I decide what to do if there is more than one alert popping up. It can also help me close a lot of alert boxes at once as long as more don’t pop up while I’m trying to close what’s already there. I’ll probably develop a lot of lag if more alerts pop up.

Meltdowns and shutdowns are the program freezing and crashing because there’s too much popping up at once and not enough RAM. The system can’t handle all that data.

If I’m sick, hungry, tired, injured, or dealing with monthly female stuff, my body will be generating its own stimulus popups to compete with popups from outside. Internal popups take up RAM normally allocated for handling external stuff, so my program will lag more and crash faster on fewer external popups.

And that’s it.

–Side note, I am not a technical person at all, but this analogy seems to make the most sense to people.

That analogy actually works rather well.

this is so perfect. except it’s almost like i don’t get a choice whether to acknowledge or ignore the stimuli, i have to acknowledge it because ignoring isn’t really an option.. but overall this is totally on point and i love it.

I guess it’s not like “ignore” this, but the stimulus(like the dialog box) requires conscious thought to close it, whether you choose to act upon that stimulus or not.

yeah maybe “ignore” was the wrong word.. i just meant that it gets processed either way. 🙂

I am NT w/ a 5 y.o. niece who sometimes won’t speak, including sometimes when speaking would benefit her (e.g. she is distressed by something but won’t tell what–it may turn out she is chilly or hungry, etc). I don’t notice other signs of Autism, but today it made me wonder, and even if she’s not Autistic, maybe she struggles with language. How would you ask a small child whether she’s not speaking because she temporarily can’t? Any tips for how to communicate better with her when this happens?

autisticadvocacy:

Suggestions for anon?

Man, I keep writing dissertations for these.

My (normally very verbal) five year old sometimes does this too.  (We’re not sure if he’s NT or not – our whole family is kind of in a diagnostic limbo.  I’m pretty sure his father is autistic, but.  who knows.  Anyway.)  can you find any kind of pattern to this?  is it mostly when she’s distressed, or also at other times?  if it’s mostly when she’s distressed, what kind of distress?  (like, is she hurt, is she embarrassed, is she sad, etc.)  (and pay close attention if it’s also at other times – is it possible that something is happening that’s upsetting for her but not something an adult would notice?  i find this happens a LOT.  My son is frequently upset about things I would NEVER have thought might upset him. XD)

Honestly I’d go right ahead with asking a five year old “are you having trouble talking right now?”  from there you can move on to Is there something you need? Are you hurt? Do you need to be alone for a little while? (all the way up to “am I asking too many questions?”)  If the problem is that she’s too overwhelmed to talk, you taking on the job of talking rather than trying to coax her to talk may be a relief to her, and paradoxically help her get back to talking more quickly.

One thing I find with my son is that when he refuses to talk it’s often because he doesn’t have a script for the situation.  And a lot of five year olds are like this, whether neurotypical or not – keep in mind the kid has only been speaking the language for like three years.  They don’t always know what they want to say.  Some of them deal with this by using the wrong words, some deal with it by using no words. 

I try to process with him after something upsetting happens (whether it’s that he did something wrong, or something happened to him), and if it’s the case that he didn’t use words, I’ll suggest some to him for next time.  “You wanted me to get out of your way, so you pushed me.  It would be better to say ‘excuse me’ so I know to move out of your way.”  obviously a simplistic example but you get the point.  Kids have a lot on their plates when dealing with tough situations: 

  • notice that something is wrong
  • figure out what the problem is
  • figure out what emotion they are having about it
  • figure out what they want to do about it
  • try to deal with it, which often creates a new problem, leading right back to step one. 

Adding “create and speak aloud an original sentence to communicate the problem” is a lot to ask when they’re already trying to do so much.  (in a classroom, you’re only supposed to give even a NT kid that age MAYBE two directions at a time, or else they get overwhelmed.)  And really, speech isn’t where the main focus should be – the focus should be on solving the problem, right?  so we can get rid of the assumption that a kid has to make up their own words to talk about it, and give them some scripts to work with.  

Obviously I don’t know your kid, nor am I a speech pathologist (although I was a kindergarten teacher for several years) so don’t take this as professional advice, yadda yadda. But I hope it’s helpful. 

Thoughts on doing right by nonspeaking people

realsocialskills:

Anonymous said to realsocialskills:

I thought your post about kids with autism was great… but tbh I feel like a lot of autism resources ignore autistic people who are less self aware? For example, my sister, who has autism and is unaware of it + cannot speak… where are the resources that apply to her?

How can I help and support her? I feel like people with autism like her are frequently ignored in these kinds of posts.

realsocialskills said:

Several things:

Remember how much you don’t know:

  • You can’t really say definitively that your sister isn’t aware of autism
  • There is no reliable way to assess receptive language in someone without reliable expressive communication
  • Ie: You know that your sister can’t talk; you don’t know what she understands
  • Some tests can show that someone *does* understand language, but they can never show definitively that they *don’t*
  • Your sister may understand language; she may not. There’s no reliable way to be sure
  • It’s important to keep both possibilities in mind
  • Dave Hingsburger wrote a couple of good posts about interacting with nonspeaking people who may or may not understand language here and here

Keeping in mind the possibility that she understands language (or that she might be able to learn how to use language):

  • Talk to her like she understands
  • Tell her about things you think she might want to know (including autism)
  • Tell her that you can what she thinks, and that you know she might understand you
  • When you make choices related to her, explain them to her
  • Tell her what’s going on and what’s going to happen, whether or not she demonstrates understanding
  • Have books around about things she might want to know about
  • Turn the TV or radio to things you think she might be interested in
  • If she’s a child, put her in educational settings in which she’s hearing lessons on grade-level material, whether or not she’s able to demonstrate comprehension
  • Keep trying for communication support

Regarding communication support:

  • There are a *lot* of different things to try
  • A month-long trial is not long enough to determine whether a communication strategy will work for someone
  • Some people can use a system right away; some people need months of being shown how it works and experimentation before they can use it
  • You don’t have to use simpler systems before you can do more complex things
  • One of the things you should try is a high-tech AAC system based on core vocabulary.
  • Speak For Yourself has some advantages over most other systems (including that they have good resources for people supporting family members without much professional support)
  • This is a good post on the importance of trying things, with some suggestions of things to try. (It’s written by a parent of a young child, but it’s also relevant for people supporting older children or adults).
  • Human-supported systems like a PODD book work better for some people
  • Signed languages like ASL work well for some people
  • The Rapid Prompting Method works for some people nothing else works for. (It’s particularly effective for people with severe apraxia or severe attention problems.)
  • Facilitated Communication/Supported Typing also works well for some people who other methods don’t work for. (It has major drawbacks and risks, including the fact that a lot of people will assume that her communication isn’t real. But it does work well for some people.)
  • Multi-sensory systems like Makaton also work for some people (but systems that allow for more open forms of communication are better)
  • tl;dr There are a *lot* of approaches to supporting communication, and it’s important to keep trying to find one that will work for her

Keep in mind the possibility that she does not understand language, or that she needs help understanding it:

  • She might not understand words
  • She might need pictures or symbols to help her understand words
  • She might need simplified language (but don’t make *everything* simplified, because that might not be what she needs. It’s a guess)
  • Whether or not she understands language, she does think, and her thoughts matter
  • She likes and dislikes things, and that matters too
  • (Self-awareness and language aren’t the same thing)

Make room for stuff she cares about:

  • If you think she likes, cares about, or is interested in something, find ways of making that thing available to her
  • Even if it’s things like watching the same clips on YouTube over and over, or spinning things.
  • If those things are important to her, then they’re important
  • Create opportunities for her to try new things. (Not forced. But like, offer her different kinds of food and books and stuff to watch on TV and places to go.)
  • Let it be an end in itself
  • Don’t make everything she likes into therapy
  • And *especially* don’t make everything she likes into a reinforcer to get her to do what you want
  • She has the right to like things, be interested in things, and have time that is her own

Help her to find a peer group:

  • If she doesn’t know any other autistic people, that’s a problem
  • If she doesn’t know any other nonspeaking people, that’s a problem
  • If the only time she spends with other disabled people is in tightly regimented special education or therapeutic settings, that’s also a problem
  • It’s important for disabled people to have the opportunity to meet and interact with other disabled people
  • This is particularly important for disabled people whose communication is thoroughly atypical.
  • Eg: there may be other autistic people who readily understand her body language
  • Not all disabled people will be friends, and it’s important not to force it
  • It’s also important to create opportunities
  • (And to make sure she’s seen pictures and videos of other people who look like her.)

Find ways of listening to her:

  • Whether or not she uses language, she’s communicating some things in some ways
  • Find ways of listening to her
  • Pay attention to what she does, and how she’s reacting to things, and what you think she might mean
  • (Do keep in mind that you’re guessing — it’s easy to misunderstand nonverbal communication when someone has no words or unambiguous symbolic gestures to correct you with).
  • Tell her, through words and actions, that you care about understanding what she’s telling you
  • Eg: Say explicitly things like “I think you are trying to tell me something. I’m not sure what you mean, but I’m trying to understand.”
  • Then when you think you know what she means, don’t ignore it; act on it
  • Whether or not she understands your words, it’s likely that saying them will help her to understand that you care. (It will also remind you to care).
  • The more you work on listening to her, the more often you will understand her communication

Creative arts therapists might be helpful:

  • Some creative arts therapists (particularly music therapists) do good work with nonspeaking people
  • They can often find expressive and receptive communication that others don’t find
  • They can also help to figure out what someone likes
  • (Make sure the person you go to isn’t also a behaviorist. Behavior therapists are not good at this and they tend to cause other problems).

Share what you know about her communication:

  • If others think she doesn’t communicate, tell them what you know or suspect about her communication
  • Sometimes they will use what you tell them to communicate with her
  • Even if they don’t believe you, the fact that you think she communicates will often make them treat her better

Don’t make decisions for her that she can make for herself:

  • eg: If she understands what clothing is and can pick a shirt, don’t decide for her which shirt to wear
  • If there are different kinds of food, don’t pick for her; ask her what she wants
  • If she’s in a social setting with other people; don’t prompt her into interacting with particular people. Being nonspeaking doesn’t make you the boss of her social life.
  • Just generally, don’t script everything. Respect her space and see what she initiates and chooses.
  • And if she needs help choosing, don’t take over; offer support
  • Eg: If she’s overwhelmed by the number of shirts she has, try picking up two and asking which one.

tl;dr If someone doesn’t speak, it’s important not to assume they’re unable to understand language — and also important not to assume that they do. In either case, it’s important to listen to them, speak to them respectfully, work on finding ways to support their communication, make room for their interests, and respect their decisions.

echolalaphile:

that thing where you got woken up by a loud noise like a drill to the brain so your ears are super sensitive and you can’t stand the thought of any noise at all but you find it nearly impossible to get work done without an audiobook.

into-the-weeds and i have decided.  i am getting someone to draft me a proper summons and I am mailing it to God (via the post office, which IIRC does actually maintain a collection of letters to God) to sue him/her/it/them for ears.  (Still haven’t decided whether to send it certified mail so it’ll be admissible in court or not. XD)

that thing where you got woken up by a loud noise like a drill to the brain so your ears are super sensitive and you can’t stand the thought of any noise at all but you find it nearly impossible to get work done without an audiobook.

podficcerpositivity:

image: “i love hearing what different podficcers decide to do with the same story”

so, like.. this is allowed?  (I’m new to podfic, and having trouble figuring out what the etiquette is here.  I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen more than one podfic in the ‘related works’ section of AO3? but friends of mine have said it would probably be fine and then i see this and nobody has actually written out any RULES about this that i can find and AAAAAAH.)

*cough* i mean hi.  carry on.

please help me

autistic-ash-von-slasher:

dear other autistic parents of autistic children, can you please give advice on what to do when you run out of spoons but you still gotta do the parent thing bc you’re like, the parent, even though you desperately want to run and hide?

This got kinda long. 😛

if the kid is older i’d say that it may be helpful to let them see what’s going on with you?  especially since they are also autistic and will have to figure out how to manage being overextended themselves.  you’d have to be careful not to phrase it in a way that makes the kid think that it’s their fault, but i think it would be really valuable for a kid to hear you say that you’re overstimulated/ overextended/ etc. and talk about how you are going to try dealing with it.  Try to remember that things like “no, we can’t go to the park right now because I’m overstimulated and it would be too painful” are COMPLETELY REASONABLE, and that seeing you set those kind of boundaries will reinforce for the kid that those are acceptable boundaries for them to have, too.  If the kid can be left unsupervised for a little while, telling them that you’re taking a short sensory break could also be a good thing to do.  (they can interrupt you in an emergency, but otherwise they are to occupy themselves quietly for [length of time] while you rest.)  And if they can’t… things like putting on an episode of Sesame Street or something so that the kid isn’t demanding your undivided attention for a couple minutes is NOT a cop-out.  Especially if you are a full-time parent, there are probably going to be days now and then that are nothing BUT Sesame Street (or whatever).  This is FINE.  You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of them.  You don’t have to provide stimulating and educational experiences every single second. 😛

For infants… ear plugs were a godsend for me.  And similarly to the Sesame Street thing above:  sometimes you have to put the kid down in the crib (or playpen or safe enclosed space of your choice) and just walk away for a little while.  They might wail, but it is FAR better that they wail for a little while than that you get to a point of melting down, where you CAN’T take care of them safely.

Not knowing more about your situation that’s about as much as I’ve got.  I hope it helps, and please feel free to bother me in my askbox if you want to chat.