you ever been so stressed that you’re calm
this is my constant state
my chill is fake
“How are you so calm?!”
“I’ve passed beyond stressed, beyond hysteria, into the grey misty indifference of complete shutdown of all but emergency services in my brain.”bolded for emphasis.
Tag: autismproblems
so does anyone else have what i call for lack of a better term “sense echoes”? like, you touch something unusual and can feel it on your fingers for hours, even after touching other things/washing your hands/etc. or you hear something and it echoes around your head and you have to work really hard to shut it up. and does anyone have suggestions for how to damp that off?
(Leary and Donnellan)
[Marked difficulties in: STARTING, STOPPING, EXECUTING (speed, intensity, rhythm timing, direction, duration), CONTINUING, COMBINING, SWITCHING } { May impede: POSTURES, ACTIONS, SPEECH, THOUGHTS, PERCEPTIONS, EMOTIONS, MEMORIES.]
Fastest way ever to convey the mechanics of autism to someone who is totally new to it and needs something fast and easy.
When autistic people talk about not wanting to be changed, we’re not talking about wanting to remain static and unchanging throughout time…We’re saying “We don’t want to be changed” in the same way that a cat, faced with becoming a dog, would say “I don’t want to be changed.” The cat isn’t denying the important passage from kittenhood to adulthood. The cat is saying I want to grow as a cat, not a dog.
Mel Baggs, “What not changing us means” (via neurodiversitysci)
It is so weird when I read something and I’m going “Wow, right, that’s totally accurate,” and then I read down to the attribution and it’s something I had written ages ago and completely forgotten about.
(via withasmoothroundstone)
me trying really hard looks like a normal person not trying at all
how to adult:
- make lots of lists
- make your bed
- send lots of emails and only cry maximum 5 minutes before making phone calls
- scream only mildly internally when strangers talk to you
- laundry sometimes
signs of a shutdown in autistic people
- Becoming less verbal or nonverbal
- Looking “spaced out” or detached from what’s happening
- Withdrawing, not wanting to be around people
- Curling up in the fetal position
- Hiding out under furniture, blankets, etc.
And no, person observing above-mentioned signs, there’s nothing you can do to help. Except go away.
The “go away” bit is good for making a point, since it points out that not intervening is better than trying to intervene and making things worse. That said – some things drawn from my own experience:
- As a few other posters have said, if the person shutting down is in a crowded, noisy, or otherwise threatening place, remove them to somewhere calmer and safer. Be gentle, since physical contact can make sensory overload worse.
- Try not to ask too many difficult questions (and please do not ask them anything that could wait until later). Being in a shut down often makes executive dysfunction or language processing issues worse; even simple yes-or-no questions can be difficult to handle, either because it is frustrating to process the words, or to make a decision. Do not assume that they haven’t heard you if they don’t respond immediately.
- I, personally, tend to be more prone to withdrawing or becoming irritable when I haven’t had food lately. If you know the person in question well enough to evaluate this, take this into consideration. The one question that’s always welcome to me is “do you want food?”. Not “have you eaten lately?” (requires memory + categorization), and not “what can I get you?” (requires decision making).
Most importantly: Do not trivialize or try to blame them for what is happening. This is severely damaging toward trust, and if an autistic person has a bad experience with you while they’re experiencing a meltdown or other episode, they may no longer feel safe around you. Your presence may make a subsequent episode worse if they have a bad history with you. If you suspect you’re not capable of responding apffpropriately (and if you are neurotypical and don’t know the person in question very well, you are in this category by default!), it is a wiser choice to leave.
By far the most important thing you can do to support an autistic friend who is having a shutdown is to have talked with this person before they experience a shutdown so that you have a plan in place and both of you understand what to expect in case of emergency. Do this when you both feel emotionally safe. Discuss your plans on a regular basis to reinforce your own preparedness and to reinforce a sense of predictability and security in your friend.
Basically, treat your friend like a human being rather than as a generic cluster of symptoms. Don’t interact with them in a way that is dictated by their diagnosis. Instead, ask them what they need from you, as an individual.
also some indicators that an autistic person is shutting down:
- signs that their auditory processing isn’t working as well as it typically does, including frequently asking for things to be repeated for clarification (obviously the context matters with this one–if this is in a loud room or a room with several noises going on at once/if it’s a situation where most people would do this, then it’s likely not a sign of a shutdown, especially if no other signs are present)
- not being able to give clear answers (ex. more frequent use of “i don’t know/care/understand”)
- more difficulty processing what they’re seeing than is usual (can’t think of indicators of this)
- having a harder time/not being able to read
- basically anything indicating that their processing isn’t working as well as usual
- obvious signs of increased anxiety/distress (rapid stimming, concerning expressions–looking expressionless, teary, angry, and/or frustrated, getting easily frustrated, unusual tone of voice/speech patterns)
most of these are signs i (sometimes) recognize in myself when i’m close to shutting down
and it’s important to remember that a couple of these doesn’t necessarily mean someone is shutting down, especially considering these should be changes and not just what’s typical for the person in question (ex. having constant problems processing audio)
some people also have individualized indicators, which you can find out by (as the previous commenter suggested) talking to/asking them
and if an autistic person tells you that they’re close to a shutdown or meltdown and they need something (to be somewhere with less stimulation, food/liquids, something to stim with, etc.) but they aren’t showing any signs of it, believe them anyway
some of us are very good at hiding these signs (sometimes without even realizing it) for the sake of passing as neurotypical (even if the situation doesn’t call for that), and taking our word for it/listing to us in order to help us through a shutdown or meltdown is the best thing you can do in these situations
autism problem #183
when people think if they carefully explain to you why being disabled is socially inappropriate, you will stop being disabled
It extends far beyond the “socially inappropriate” reasoning, too.
If you just understand well enough why you have to do this thing, then you will be able to do it, is some of the scariest reasoning of medical personnel that I have ever encountered.
Yes, this.
And at least in medical contexts, this increases the more disabilities you add in (or the more things your disability affects). No, I can’t stop being developmentally disabled just because it’s outside your specialty.
“No I can’t stop being developmentally disabled just because it’s outside your speciality.”
Oh. Those are the words. Thank you.
Dumbing of Age: the faces
Dear autistic parents of autistic kids:
If the special interest of one of you coincides with the aversions of another, this does not make you a bad parent!
It’s okay to communicate “I love you, but I need some space for a bit. I’m here if you need me.”
Keeping up with self-care is good for both you and your child.