Tag: bahahahaha

bansheewhale:

Unicorns are kosher. There was an actual talmudic debate and the current consensus is that unicorns are kosher. There is no conclusion to this paragraph, I just wanted to announce that I belong to a religion whose clergy members thought it was important to decide whether or not we could eat unicorns and then concluded that yes, yes we could, as long as the meat is drained of blood and not eaten with dairy.

Pittsburgh Gothic

princewitch:

imperialgrunt:

  • You’re waiting for the 61D. A 61A goes past. A 61A goes past. A 61A goes past. A 61A goes past. 
  • The closer you get to the Squirrel Hill tunnel, the slower everything moves. Cars. People. Particles. It’s cold. Oh god, you’re so cold. 
  • It was raining this morning, now it’s sunny outside. You check the thermometer, and it reads sixty. Better salt your sidewalk, gonna snow tonight.
  • You dropped a rock in that pothole on Brookline, and waited to hear it hit the bottom. You’re still waiting.
  • The sidewalk is getting steeper and steeper. Now there’s stairs. You climb and climb and climb. Look, a mountain goat. 
  • Your GPS tells you to take a sharp right to stay on Forbes. Your GPS tells you to take a slight left to stay on Forbes. Your GPS tells you to hit the man in the suit to stay on Forbes. Hit the man. Hit him. 
  • No one goes to Carlow University.
  • Bleeding? Buildings don’t bleed, don’t be silly. That’s just the steel rusting.
  • An orange sign just ahead of you reads “End Road Work.” You laugh, and see another sign. “Please. Please, I have children. End it.”
  • They built a bridge under the bridge to keep the bridge from falling on the other bridge under that bridge. The trolls are confused. Where can they live?
  • Someone said that if you fall in the Mon, when you climb out, your skin will peel off. Ridiculous. No one escapes the Mon. 
  • You’re trying to get home, but every single street is a one way that takes your further and further away. Where is home? What is home? 
  • They say the steel mills poisoned the air and killed the sky. Is that why it weeps? Whenever thunder roars, you swear you can hear a sob. 
  • A man is stabbed with a bottle in outside the bar, and ichor the color of tar drips from between his fingers, flecked with gleaming yellow. He bleeds black and gold. The gutters overflow with black and gold. Steelers going to the superbowl.
  • You woke up and found U P M C etched into your wrist. You went to UPMC physician, and he sent you to UPMC Shadyside. They checked you out and said it’s nothing serious. Good thing you have UPMC healthcare, could have been pricey otherwise. 
  • The guy at Phipps laughs when you ask him what they use for fertilizer and shows you big bins of mulch in the back. Pitt students keep disappearing. The bins are never empty for long. 
  • The treasure map reads “Turn left at the big church, then go straight till you see a PNC.” Thirty souls set out to find it, each took a different path. None returned. 

I fucking LIVE THIS and love it

rodimissprimal:

Natasha and Bucky have snarky side-conversations in Russian all the time, and most everyone just accepts it and ignores them when they’re talking shit during mission briefings, and Clint gets a little jealous because it used to be him and Nat having those conversations in sign language and he feels replaced, and it pisses Tony off more than anything

and one day Bucky says “do you think if Thor set his hammer down in a wagon, we would still be able to move the wagon or does the hammer’s powers extend to whatever it’s sitting on?” and Natasha’s like “I distinctly remember someone having this conversation about elevators”

and everyone else just like “would the Russian assassins club please shut up” but then Thor leans over and whispers “yes, you could move the wagon because that still does not allow you to wield her, but if she supremely dislikes you, you could not even do that much”

and Bucky’s like “wait the hammer is sentient” and Natasha is like “wait you can understand Russian”

and Thor says “it seems that I have forgotten to explain Allspeak”

after whatever their mission was, Thor comes up to them and says, “Fret not, I will not tell Stark that when he is around you simply speak children’s rhymes because you merely speaking your language around him aggravates him.”

(”hey James do you remember when you were like god of thunder my ass, the godliest thing about this guy is his biceps-”

“Shut up, Natalia.”

“and then Steve should be at least a demigod–”

“Shut up, Natalia.”

“I bet Thor remembers it.”

“Shut up, Natalia.”)

constancebone-acieux:

Fic where all of the Avengers are trying to teach tech stuff to Steve (especially Tony who just gets so annoyed at his apparent tech incompetence) but he just seems super hopeless at it until one day one of them stumbles across a youtube account that’s filled with a series of videos titled ‘How Long Can I Keep My Friends Convinced I Have No Idea What Technology Is’ and it turns out he’s been gaming them for YT hits for months.