blasphe-you – Kimchi and Justice

spiletta42:

ragnell:

danbensen:

exxos-von-steamboldt:

ralfmaximus:

moogloogle:

ralfmaximus:

tobaeus:

ralfmaximus:

nyxetoile:

antibutch:

thats a valid question

A communion wafer, according to the internet, is about .25g. Jesus was a healthy young man, who worked manual labor and walked everywhere. The average male in Biblical times was 5′1″ and about 110 pounds so call it 50kg or 50,000 grams. So 200,000 wafers to make up a whole Jesus. At one wafer a week that’s 3846 to eat a whole Jesus at weekly communion. If you went to Mass daily you could do it in under 550 years.

1000 communion wafers from Amazon costs $15, so acquiring a Jesus load would set you back about $3000

But that’s just the body. Jesus also bade his followers to drink his blood. How much of that Jesus communion wafer supply needs to be replaced with communion wine to account for his blood, and how much of that would need to be consumed to have drunk all his blood as well?

The human body contains roughly 5 liters of blood.

Communion wine costs about $66 for a case of 12 x 750 ml bottles (9000 ml).

So half a case is 4500 ml, or close enough if Jesus was on the small side which is reasonable given what we know of the times.

Thus, Jesus’ blood would be about 6 bottles of communion wine, costing $33.

How much of his weight was his blood, now? We can bring down the wafer count.

Osnap what an excellent question.

Water has a specific gravity of 1.0 and weighs 1kg/liter. Wine has a specific gravity if 1.5 thus weighs 1.5kg per liter.

4.5L of wine would weigh 6.75kg or about 15 pounds.

Reducing the wafer load by 6.75kg yields 43.25kg so call it 161,000 wafers or $2450 and change.

@danbensen

Full Metal Eucharist

The Unholy Union of Catholic Tumblr and Math Tumblr

This is one of those posts I will absolutely email to every pastor I know.

nerdofchaos:

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.”

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

see you all in hell

unsuspecting catholic: is this a mortal sin or just a venial sin? Is it a mortal sin to be okay with doing a venial sin? what if I die tomorrow?
Martin Luther, stepping out from the shadows: it’s all mortal sin
catholic: all bad deeds are mortal sins?
Martin Luther: bad deeds, good deeds
catholic: good deeds are mortal sins??
Martin Luther: no time to explain. it’s not safe here. I–
John Calvin: descends shrieking from the ceiling

westfailia:

in techno-catholicism you vape the communion wine

lesleylloyd:

quiteyours:

it gets me every time

EVERY. TIME

joshuajarrett:

new work.

phipiohsum475:

conductoroftardislight:

ghostopossum:

tren10:

FUCK

but he was a carpenter

^

Okay, I’m sorry, but that’s frickin’ HILARIOUS.

If you are going to ask an insanely ridiculous question, you can’t get pissy when someone comes up with the best answer of all time.

This is a joke that I’d bet Jesus would laugh at.

five-bi-five:

jewish-privilege:

animatedamerican:

withbloodinherteeth:

slagarthefox:

amemait:

just-shower-thoughts:

There is no biblical evidence that Jesus even knew how to parallel park. Letting him take the wheel seems a bit irresponsible.

Uh, no, you’re so wrong? Everybody knows that Jesus drove a Honda, but he didn’t like to talk about it?

From John 12:49 ‘For I do not speak of my own Accord…’

That is brilliant and this post is an example of the right way to do religious jokes are are actually funny without being preachy nor offensive.

prosperosfootnotes, pieandhotdogs

Maybe Jesus didn’t like to talk about it because it wasn’t the same kind of car as his Dad’s.

Because as we all know, God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in His Fury.

Nah, clearly God drives Dodge pickup trucks, because Moshe’s people are told not to approach the mountain “until the Ram’s horn sounds a long blast” -Exodus 19:13.

fUCK YOU ALL

hedwig-dordt:

annejamison:

matchgirl42:

merelyappreciative:

andythanfiction:

I’m supposed to write a paper on the Protestant Revolution and Catholic Counter-Reformation. Somehow my notes turned into this. It’s probably blasphemy and whatever the historical equivalent is. I’m not sorry.

This is the first year of my history qualification summed up in Facebook posts.
It’s beautiful.

this is amazing

Awesome