How Deadly Are These Cats?

historieofbeafts:

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This cat has problems of its own. I’d worry more about the featureless death orb.  1/10

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Absolutely draining Radical Humors from your lungs in the night, and will give you scurvy if you make eye contact. Do not make eye contact. Consider taking a long vacation.  6/10

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4 on 1 is bad odds, but they’re distracted by levitating kittens.  If you stay quiet and provide offerings of fish and cream you might survive. 5/10

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This cat has killed before, and it will kill again. If it has found you don’t bother packing, just go. 10/10

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You will not see these cats. You will just feel a growing unease.  Dark spots in your peripheral vision. A smell of smoke.  Fur against your cheek in the middle of the night.  Maybe you’ll come home one day and find the house in flames and ruins, maybe they just want a friend. ???/10

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When they say cat flesh is poisonous they are talking about this cat. It has hunted down a Toxic Sludge Rat and is absorbing it into its own body. Fortunately only found in chemical waste plants. No threat to you.  2/10

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These cats know a dark magic.  You will find fur in your food for the rest of your life, no matter how far you travel. 3/10

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A maverick. 8/10

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historieofbeafts:

It’s been a while since we checked in on how the Renaissance is doing with its ocean mysteries, so here is a marine biology update circa 1550.

Seals come in two forms:

Buff

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& Triangular

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Walruses are horrifying

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But whales are worse

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Fish can have human faces

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but not always where you’d expect

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As for the rest

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… it’s probably better left alone.

[All images except chest face fish from Historiae animalium liber IV : De piscium & aquatilium animantium natura. Chest face fish from The noble lyfe & natures of man of bestes, serpentys, fowles & fisshes yt be moste knowen]

historieofbeafts:

Elephant trunks were one of the biggest problems in a monk’s life, right after vikings and the lingering fear that one day there would be an animal that couldn’t ever be drawn with a human face.

Were they ringed?

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Did they droop?

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Maybe they sat at a 90 degree angle to the elephant’s face?

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Or maybe they were more like trumpets?

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Some artists stuck to what they knew and just drew dogs with tubes on the front

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Others decided trunks were a mistake and made the whole face long

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And these guys gave up completely.

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Image Sources [x]