Tag: but actually

marvel characters’ fighting styles according to me

iron man: blow shit up
captain america: gymnastics + ultimate frisbee
hulk: break everything and yell a lot
thor: hammer ballet
black widow: death by thighs
hawkeye: increasingly cool arrow-shooting
scarlet witch: interpretive dance
quicksilver: just run them over
falcon: caw caw motherfuckers
winter soldier: never-ending weapons hoard + scowly duckface
war machine: machine gun shoulder + sheer level of cool

Well, basically there are two sorts of opera,’ said Nanny, who also had the true witch’s ability to be confidently expert on the basis of no experience whatsoever. ‘There’s your heavy opera, where basically people sing foreign and it goes like “Oh oh oh, I am dyin’, oh, I am dyin’, oh, oh, oh, that’s what I’m doin’”, and there’s your light opera, where they sing in foreign and it basically goes “Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! I like to drink lots of beer!”, although sometimes they drink champagne instead. That’s basically all of opera, really.

Maskerade (Discworld) by Terry Pratchett (via lucybeetle)

Pittsburgh Gothic

princewitch:

imperialgrunt:

  • You’re waiting for the 61D. A 61A goes past. A 61A goes past. A 61A goes past. A 61A goes past. 
  • The closer you get to the Squirrel Hill tunnel, the slower everything moves. Cars. People. Particles. It’s cold. Oh god, you’re so cold. 
  • It was raining this morning, now it’s sunny outside. You check the thermometer, and it reads sixty. Better salt your sidewalk, gonna snow tonight.
  • You dropped a rock in that pothole on Brookline, and waited to hear it hit the bottom. You’re still waiting.
  • The sidewalk is getting steeper and steeper. Now there’s stairs. You climb and climb and climb. Look, a mountain goat. 
  • Your GPS tells you to take a sharp right to stay on Forbes. Your GPS tells you to take a slight left to stay on Forbes. Your GPS tells you to hit the man in the suit to stay on Forbes. Hit the man. Hit him. 
  • No one goes to Carlow University.
  • Bleeding? Buildings don’t bleed, don’t be silly. That’s just the steel rusting.
  • An orange sign just ahead of you reads “End Road Work.” You laugh, and see another sign. “Please. Please, I have children. End it.”
  • They built a bridge under the bridge to keep the bridge from falling on the other bridge under that bridge. The trolls are confused. Where can they live?
  • Someone said that if you fall in the Mon, when you climb out, your skin will peel off. Ridiculous. No one escapes the Mon. 
  • You’re trying to get home, but every single street is a one way that takes your further and further away. Where is home? What is home? 
  • They say the steel mills poisoned the air and killed the sky. Is that why it weeps? Whenever thunder roars, you swear you can hear a sob. 
  • A man is stabbed with a bottle in outside the bar, and ichor the color of tar drips from between his fingers, flecked with gleaming yellow. He bleeds black and gold. The gutters overflow with black and gold. Steelers going to the superbowl.
  • You woke up and found U P M C etched into your wrist. You went to UPMC physician, and he sent you to UPMC Shadyside. They checked you out and said it’s nothing serious. Good thing you have UPMC healthcare, could have been pricey otherwise. 
  • The guy at Phipps laughs when you ask him what they use for fertilizer and shows you big bins of mulch in the back. Pitt students keep disappearing. The bins are never empty for long. 
  • The treasure map reads “Turn left at the big church, then go straight till you see a PNC.” Thirty souls set out to find it, each took a different path. None returned. 

I fucking LIVE THIS and love it

when you leave fine arts kids alone

drama kids: all the wigs and costumes have been tried on by everyone

art kids: they got the clay and paint. dicks are everywhere

band kids: they built a fort out of the chairs. one of the drum majors has declared themselves king. the percussionists are hiding under marimba covers and a kid has somehow gotten INTO the drums.

chorus kids: one guy plays pop tunes while half the girls surround the piano singing in terrible made-up harmonies. the rest of the class is on their fucking iphones.

computer tech kids: every single person is on coolmath4kids. even if they’re seniors.

Orchestra: kidnaps a band kid and uses them for a ritual sacrifice

Creative writing kids: there are poems all over the walls and the desks and four people have passed out from caffeine crash/lack of coffee and all of the books have been read and argued about five times plus at least 4000 words of fanfiction have been written.

raptorific:

Okay, time to flex my history degree, Janet. I have some advice for this dinner party:

  1. If George Washington offers to bring any food or drink don’t accept it. There’s a pretty good chance he traded a slave to an even more brutal plantation for it, since this was pretty much his go-to punishment for “misbehavior”
  2. Good luck getting Adams to come to a party where Jefferson is in attendance.
  3. Good luck getting Jefferson to come to a party, full stop.
  4. I promise Franklin will quietly instigate conflicts between Adams and Jefferson when he’s bored, will ignore everything you say about America in order to ask you about the various electronics in your house, and the first time you leave him alone with the toilet he WILL lift the lid off the tank just to see how it works and immediately decide it would be hilarious to poop in that part of the toilet