take a look at the posts and themes lensflares and phaser beams with captain kirk and ship thrusters on full
it’s beginning to look at lot like STAR TREK gorns and gods galore and the loveliest thing to hear is the warp drive humming near as our ships all soar
And Santa’s all like, “You know, I can handle a few spelling mistakes, I got this,” and Lucifer is like “They’re addressed to me, fuck off, I’m doing it.”
Lucifer being protective of his fanmail is ceaselessly entertaining.
*deep and booming Satan voice* “Belphagor!”
“You summoned me, Your Infernal Majesty?”
“Belphagor, do we have any Barbie dolls in our stores?”
“We certainly do. Would you like one whose eyes glow red or one that chants Your praises in the middle of the night?”
*deep and booming Satan sigh* “Ugh, are all our Barbies possessed?”
“I am pleased to say so, Your Infernal Majesty.”
“Well, un-possess one of them. You heard me! Melody Lian wants a veterinarian Barbie, the one with a cat not the one with a dog. And Belphagor! Make sure the cat has the right number of limbs this time.”
“And let us see, Isaiah Stanfield who asked for a musical instrument will be receiving… a kazoo?”
“The instrument I judged to be most annoying yet still within his likely ability to play, my lord!”
“So young Isaiah will receive this miserable piece of plastic, apparently the finest gift you think I can offer him from my vast holdings, on Christmas morning only to have it confiscated by his parents by New Year’s. Leaving him with no present at all.” *Satan grows even taller, his voice drops dangerously* “Do you wish to make a fool of me, Belphagor?”
“N-no, Your Infernal Majesty! Please, mercy!”
“You will have a suitable present for Isaiah by the time I return. And I expect no more mistakes.” *Satan storms off, muttering* “A million demons at my beck and call and I still have to do everything in this Pit myself…”
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” in Anglo-Saxon meter, by Philip Craig Chapman-Bell. Via Etymonline on Facebook, who says “An Internet classic; but I can no longer find it where I first found it (Cathy Ball’s Old English reference pages).”
Incipit gestis Rudolphi rangifer tarandus
Hwæt, Hrodulf readnosa hrandeor – Næfde þæt nieten unsciende næsðyrlas! Glitenode and gladode godlice nosgrisele. Ða hofberendas mid huscwordum hine gehefigodon; Nolden þa geneatas Hrodulf næftig To gomene hraniscum geador ætsomne. Þa in Cristesmæsseæfne stormigum clommum, Halga Claus þæt gemunde to him maðelode: “Neahfreond nihteage nosubeorhtende! Min hroden hrædwæn gelæd ðu, Hrodulf!” Ða gelufodon hira laddeor þa lyftflogan – Wæs glædnes and gliwdream; hornede sum gegieddode “Hwæt, Hrodulf readnosa hrandeor, Brad springð þin blæd: breme eart þu!”
Rendered literally into modern English:
Here begins the deeds of Rudolph, Tundra-Wanderer
Lo, Hrodulf the red-nosed reindeer – That beast didn’t have unshiny nostrils! The goodly nose-cartilage glittered and glowed. The hoof-bearers taunted him with proud words; The comrades wouldn’t allow wretched Hrodulf To join the reindeer games. Then, on Christmas Eve bound in storms Santa Claus remembered that, spoke formally to him: “Dear night-sighted friend, nose-bright one! You, Hrodulf, shall lead my adorned rapid-wagon!” Then the sky-flyers praised their lead-deer – There was gladness and music; one of the horned ones sang “Lo, Hrodulf the red-nosed reindeer, Your fame spreads broadly, you are renowned!”
OK, what’s happened is that the graphics program couldn’t recognise two of the ideograms in the Chinese translation for “Merry Christmas” – “圣诞快乐”. (Said image appears on the right hand side, six down from the top, with weird images of doves peeking out of bananas.)
The ideograms for “birth” and “joy” got replaced with boxes, which resemble the Chinese ideograms for “mouth”.
So the Chinese message above, “圣口快口”, means “Holy mouth quick mouth”.
I really want to rewrite some carol lyrics to be more pantheist… I love some Christmas music (particularly Oh Holy Night & Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel) because of growing up with it, but the overt Christian lyrics are really kinda squicky for me these days… I was singing along with Pandora earlier and started replacing ‘oh night when Christ was born’ with ‘oh night, midwinter night’ and it got me thinking if more of it could be changed to a simple solstice carol. Maybe this’ll be my midwinter project this year to rival @sheliesshattered’s pantheist December advent calendar 😉
Kimchi and Justice 