Tag: December traditions remix

Linguistics Christmas Jokes

allthingslinguistic:

allthingslinguistic:

How does a linguist wish someone a joyful Dec 25th?
Merry/Mary/marry Christmas!

What are Father Christmas’s linguist sisters and daughters called?
Relative Clauses 

What does a linguist say when Santa just won’t leave you alone?
He’s lost the stalking/stocking distinction

What is a distinctive feature of the Christmas phonology of non-native English speakers?
No-dark-el 

What presents did the three wise linguists bring?
Goal, epenthesis, and merge

What do linguists do under mistletoe?
Make quadrilabial clicks 

What is a minty treat that linguists consume around Christmastime?
Chomsky canes 

Which carrot-nosed entity came to life in a particularly strident fashion?
Fricative the snowman

Who is a grammatical but unattested candidate for pulling a linguist’s sleigh?
Rudolph the colourless-green-nosed reindeer 

What nutmeg-sprinkled beverage does one drink around Linguistmas?
Wugnog 

What do you put on top of an ungrammatical Linguistmas tree?
*

incurablenecromantic:

eccentricmisseclectic:

autisticdorumon:

Give me a heartwarming Christmas movie about Satan traveling around the world every Christmas to deliver presents to all the young kids and kids with learning disorders and disabilities who misspell “Santa” on their Christmas letters every year

And Santa’s all like, “You know, I can handle a few spelling mistakes, I got this,” and Lucifer is like “They’re addressed to me, fuck off, I’m doing it.”

Lucifer being protective of his fanmail is ceaselessly entertaining.

foodffs:

i made these this evening (December 6th, that is) and i’ll see how long  they last in the house full of cookie-eaters. 🙂

slightly modified the recipe and used crushed candy canes instead of the peppermint M&Ms. and i also used white chocolate chips in the first batch and switched the vanilla extract for mint extract for extra minty-ness in the second batch.

recipe here

mine baked soft and slightly chewy which imo is the perfect texture. 

I Am Bad With Carols

tkingfisher:

You know, seen from a certain point of view, “Do You Hear What I Hear?” is a song about a really weird game of Telephone.

The Night Wind tells the Little Lamb about a star.

The
Little Lamb, understandably freaked out by the fact that the sky is
talking, runs to the Shepherd Boy going “The sky is talking! It’s got a
big voice!” (and, based on what I know of sheep, probably also “Will it
eat me?!” and “Can I eat it?”)

And then it goes off the rails.
The Shepherd Boy stomps off to tell the Mighty King (and how well
connected is this kid, anyhow? He just shows up at the palace, waves to
the guards, walks on in) that there’s a child shivering in the cold and
we should bring him silver and gold (We? Does this kid have silver and gold on hand, too? Which…might explain the ease of getting an audience, actually…)

At
no point does the Shepherd Boy mention that his source of information
is a possibly delusional sheep, which, okay, I might not bring that up
to begin with, either. But how does the Shepherd Boy know any of this?
The Lamb is still back in the field babbling about a voice in the sky
talking about stars. Where did the child come from? Did the Shepherd Boy
make a detour and find all this out? Why even bring the Lamb into it,
in that case? And why is the Mighty King going “Whoa! One of my peasants
just waltzed in to tell me about a disadvantaged child? THIS MEANS
PEACE AND LIGHT!”

Honestly, if you’re that easily impressed, you
have to figure that a new faith gets founded in the kingdom practically
daily. “Your Majesty, the washerwoman’s here and she says there’s a fish
in the stream with a–” “ALL HAIL DAGON!”

Look, I know it’s a
Christmas carol, I am just saying that the narrative does not follow
logically from the Night Wind talking about stars to the King informing
the populace that there’s a new religion in town. There are some gaps.

…yes, I am also really, really annoying to sit next to at movies.

blakesmilitia:

i’m always a slut for a christmas au 

  • “i know we hate each other but it’s christmas eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside”
  • “i got you for secret santa so i got you this really expensive but sentimental gift that you’ve always wanted, hoping you’ll never find out it’s from me – and that i’ve been in love with you 1234567 years”
  • SNOWBALL FIGHTS
  • “hi we’re neighbours and omg are you alright i could smell cooking burning – whoaaa now that’s just embarrassing? step aside i’ll handle this”
  • person a seducing person b into taking a few steps back/backing them against the wall (”oh look, how did that mistletoe get right there????”)
  • “you’re in the hospital for the holidays so i came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room i love you merry christmas”
  • “YES I BOOBY TRAPPED THE PRESENTS BECAUSE YOU DO THIS EVERY FUCKING YEAR”
  • “i live below you and i was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW”
  • I KNITTED YOU A JUMPER
  • MY MOM KNITTED YOU A JUMPER
  • “we’re strictly ‘platonic’ but we’re snowed in omg we’re gonna have to repopulate the earth”
  • “i slipped on ice outside your house and you ran out barefoot to help me quick let’s get inside under a blanket”
  • “’it’s a wonderful life’ aww it sounds so cute babe sure we can watch it! *30 mins later* “YOU MONSTER”
  • “we were playing in the snow and you suddenly tackled me to the ground and now…we’re just…staring… at each other…”
  • “YOU DON’T LIKE MARSHMALLOWS IN YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE? WHY DO YOU HATE LOVE”
  • TREE DECORATING (bonus points if one of them is doing it completely wrong omg why am i in love with you) 
  • “we took our kids to santa’s workshop and they both wished we would get together”
    FRIENDS AU – “our christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here – damn you look good without a shirt i never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl” 
  • “we’re co workers who hate each other but you had too much to drink at the staff christmas party and admitted your love for me i don’t know how to act around you now” 
  • DRUNKEN CAROLLING (”that’s not a thing” “oh yes it is”) 
  • TEACH ME HOW TO SKI (lol jk i know how you’re just so fucking cute)
  • “there’s a storm and omg i’m losing signal are you okay?? hold on let me drive 489432 miles to get you the night before christmas” 
  • PULLING YOU IN FOR A KISS WITH A SCARF 

  • “i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face”