Echolalaphile is a kinky fucker news at 11 – Page 2

baldymonster:

hxdeharia:

mothwizard:

me: i want something very short and small and cutesy but most importantly body safe and discreet

sex toy companies: try the DEVASTATOR SEVENTY THREE INCHES OF PURE JELLY RUBBER HYPER REALISTIC VEINS WE SHOWED IT TO A NUN ONCE AND SHE BURST INTO FLAMES THERE’S ONLY ONE SETTING: DEVASTATION THE VIBRATIONS CAUSED AN EARTHQUAKE MILLIONS ARE DEAD

Why did I laugh so much

To be fair, the DEVASTATOR probably has incredibly weak, buzzy vibrations given that it’s made by a company that uses jelly rubber…

#still not understanding why so many people want sex toys to be discreet #but whatever floats your boat #i like my sex toys to look like weird art #why yes hello good sir #that is indeed my 3D medical grade stainless steel punctuation mark #without words it is impossible to tell if it’s an apostrophe or comma #thus does it symbolize the ambiguity of a contextless existence #also it’s for fucking

fierceawakening:

turbochargedhysterics:

deanisanactualprincess:

dontkillbirds:

miau-is-me:

luvr4photography:

radiogrimshaw:

annathemoony:

soupnbananaz:

littleartemis:

radiogrimshaw:

radiogrimshaw:

ten inch dick aka longer than my forearm

i know there are some writers who follow me

please

take note

I believe the average is 6 inches? The longest is 14, an he suffers dizziness when he gets a boner, and even though he’s heterosexual, he can only have sex with men (or anally with women) as his cock can’t fit in a vagina.

So writers, take note.

jesus h. christ

I once had a boyfriend who was quite well-endowed, and that was some painful, annoying shit right there (especially with a selfish dude who didn’t really think about that/blamed me for being “tiny,” what the fuck). The average vagina is 3-4 inches deep, though some women may have a depth of 6-7 inches.

Of course, a lady’s Sarlaac Pit is designed to accomodate rather large things. That does not, however, mean that it is comfortable or fun to have those large things in your hermetically-sealed shame basket, not to mention have it ramming repeatedly against your cervix. Ow fucking ow.

Contrary to popular belief, bigger is NOT ALWAYS BETTER.

A rectum can be between 5-7 inches deep. A pliable dildo could push past that, taking that sharp curve into the large intestine, if you’re patient and flexible and you have a lot of lube at your disposal. And you don’t mind things being in your INTESTINES, oh my God. A hard dick, however, that isn’t so bendy, would be another story entirely.

So if you’re shooting for realistic sex and your bottom isn’t into pain, you may want to reconsider giving your top anything over 7-8 inches of dick. 10+ inches might sound awesome but like Communism, for most people at least, it’s better in theory than it is in practice.

This very NSFW and TMI-imbued post brought to you by all the fucks I do not give.

Oh and if anyone accuses me of kink shaming I will find you and I will skin you.

ive learned a lot today omg

i think the last of my innocence just got killed reading this

#huge dicks are like communism

I reblogged this yesterday but I just have to reblogg again for ^

#huge dicks are like communism

can someone please put that on a shirt

there is nothing about this post that is not hilarious oh my god

alittledesperation:

safeword:

momdiggity:

crabkiddd:

predicament bondage: I just painted your nails and you can’t touch anything

I’ve actually done a kink scene like this. Basically the top was stimulating and teasing me while she painted my nails and told me that i would get punished for each nail I messed up if I messed them up.

femme kink is the best kink

oh my god??????????????????? oh my god

PLEASE DO THIS TO ME OH MY GOD.