…I would read the hell out of a series of a chosen eighty-five-year-old woman who goes on epic journeys throughout a dangerous and magical land, armed only with a cane and her stab-tastic knitting needles, accompanied by her six cats and a skittish-yet-devoted orderly who makes sure she takes her pills on time.
Zorita became well known for her unique and naughty acts, including a kinky take on a vaudeville staple – the Half and Half. Taking gender bending to new levels, she dressed one half of her body as a male groom, and the other as a female bride. Always keeping one profile to the audience, the groom and bride gradually removed each others clothing, leading to a climactic “wedding night” romp.
Although Zorita dated men, and admitted she only spent time with the ones she could use, she was a lesbian and never married. Her unrequited love was fellow performer Sherry Britton, who she pursued relentlessly to no avail
OK I was reading about Teddy Roosevelt’s “Big Stick ideology” and it talks about how he resolved the Anthracite Coal Strike: the peaceful talks went badly, so the mining companies asked the government to send in the military. Roosevelt sent in the military … to do the mining work, which meant that the mining companies weren’t actually profiting, so they caved to the unions.
God damn is that a passive-aggressive application of “speak softly and carry a big stick.”
I kind if want a fanfiction where the Howling Commandos are picked up by Princess Elizabth driving an ambulance recklessly through Europe.
DAMMIT, YES! *bangs fist on desk* That’s the kind of quality entertainment I expect from this website!
I kinda want the yanks to not really recognize her and don’t understand why Falsworth is having some kind of a stroke and Dernier’s freaking out and when they get let out somewhere they both explode with HOLY FUCKBALLS MAN. (Or, alternately, Peggy rounds the corner ready to tear them a new one and Her Majesty just lights up because, seriously, if they are not bros, nothing in the universe makes sense)
because Ha.
“Three more miles, Falsworth, three more miles…” Falsworth turned the pain from his injury into even greater sarcasm. “Kilometers, Gabriel, KILOMETERS. I am BRITISH.” Gabe snorted to himself. He should know better. None of the Howling Commandos ever admitted they were having trouble. Not even himself. He moved forward, planning to take point from Dum Dum. He felt Dum Dum’s surprise before the man made a sound. “An ambulance? Did we already cross the lines? Are we clear?” Gabe covered the remaining ground quickly and quietly. “No, we’ve got another 3 miles to the lines. But that sure as shit looks like an ambulance…one of ours, too.” Morita suddenly hissed for silence. He’d heard something from the vehicle. A few more quiet steps, and Gabe heard it too – the sound of the bonnet being slowly, carefully, quietly lowered into place. Gabe realized Jim had heard the driver repairing the engine. The quiet, the location, and, suddenly – the too-short body with an awful lot of hair put it all together for Gabe. This was one of theirs – the Nazis were too caught up in breeding new generations of perfect Germans that few of their women worked, let alone served. The petite woman stepped forward – my God, she’s TINY, how does she see to drive? – Gabe stopped himself from saying something unfortunate just in time. “Gentlemen? You are recent associates of Steven Rogers, correct?” The quiet, posh tones did nothing to hide the steel underneath the words. “I have been asked by a mutual acquaintance to assist you over the last few miles. I apologize for not finding you sooner, as my vehicle is uncomfortable with French roads.” Gabe felt Dernier shift indignantly behind him, but surprisingly said nothing. Gabe looked at Dum Dum and Morita, but ultimately he was in charge of this mission. Before he could say anything, Falsworth staggered to the front of the group and mustered his best salute. “Yes, mum, we are, mum. Thank you, mum. It’s no trouble at all, mum, thank you, mum. Shall we ride in back, mum?” He stood, trembling slightly, holding himself at attention even as she waved the salute away. “Not here, man! Yes, quick, inside the back, she’s ready to go. No one in the front, it will look odd if there’s a man up front. You’re clearly injured, you take the gurney. You, and you” – pointing to Dernier and Dum Dum – “you’re the medics, and you two” – Gabe and Jim – “you’re his squadmates.” She waited expectantly. Falsworth, for all he’d been acting like he was dying not five minutes ago, turned sharply and began chivying the group to do as she said. The bemused Americans bundled themselves into the back of the ambulance, sorting themselves out as the young driver had requested – certainly Falsworth and Dernier weren’t letting them challenge anything she’d said. Gabe felt the ambulance shift as she climbed in. She opened and opened the window. “I’m Bet, but if we’re stopped, I’m leftenant and I outrank you all,” she called back. Falsworth snorted but didn’t say another word. Bet eased the truck into gear and off the side of the road. The half moon hadn’t been a problem when they were walking, but Gabe wasn’t sure it was enough light for a driver. He was about to say something when she suddenly accelerated and took a hard left, throwing him against the wall. “Stay seated back there! I’m to deliver you in the same condition I found you, so SIT!” Bet barked, in a tone that clearly conveyed she expected to be obeyed. Gabe opened his mouth again to – well, he never could say later if he’d intended to apologize or to ask a question. But at that moment, Bet drove past the packed dirt roadway they’d expected and continued cross-country. “It’s three-quarters of a mile shorter this way, no hedgerows to cross, but I’ll have to get back on the road to dodge a cattle guard. Bloody French cattle, no sense of propriety or where they belong.” Dernier made a choking sound that might have been laughter on another night. The ambulance bounced and rattled as Bet dodged shell holes and the remnants of walls and trucks with terrifying ease. True to her word, she turned the vehicle sharply to regain the dirt road. Gabe wasn’t sure it was an improvement. As they turned off, Falsworth’s bloody hip was thrown against the side of the gurney and he stifled a grunt of pain. “What was that? Has he been hurt more back there? Well, you’re pretending to be medics, pretend harder!” Easily the least absurd command of the last 10 minutes, Dum Dum began fishing in his pack for something useful. Dernier sighed theatrically and began rummaging in his pack for field dressings. Gabe leaned forward to reassure Falsworth, and was amazed to see a look of…awe?… in his eyes. Falsworth shook his head, precluding any questions Gabe might have asked. He looked helplessly at Jim. *What on earth has gotten into these two? They weren’t fazed at all by Steve…or Peggy! I don’t get it…* Gabe thought to himself. Bet suddenly shouted through the open window, “Hold on everyone, this bit’s been shot to hell!” They had endured a tooth-rattling 300 yards when she shouted in triumph, “The fenceline! We’re back!” As they crossed the invisible line onto better maintained roads, Bet’s driving became more aggressive. She accelerated sharply, taking corners at high speed, taking the ambulance to the very limit of its capability. She made a final turn and neatly parked the ambulance behind the hospital tent. Gabe wasn’t sure if it was the wildest ride of his military career, but it was certainly up there with the oddest. He hadn’t gotten a coherent word out of Falsworth or Dernier the entire time, and Dum Dum and Jim were just as confused as he was. They piled out of the back of the ambulance, supporting Falsworth – until Bet came around back and he snapped to attention again. “Can’t stop me now, mum, we’re in our territory, mum, and I’m honored, mum, thank you, mum.” Gabe had never heard Falsworth use that deeply respectful tone with anyone – not even his own mother. Dernier managed one halting sentence: “Madame…merci.” The Americans thanked Bet as best they could, still confused, until Peggy Carter strode briskly around the corner. “Bet! You’re right on schedule! Every time.” The warmth in Peggy’s voice was unmistakable. Bet laughed. “Thank you, Peggy. I have a reputation to maintain, after all. And I must say, your talents for getting people away from bureaucrats and into the war, where they can help, have in no way diminished. I am afraid, now that they’re back, I need to confess my unauthorized excursion to my babysitters – I mean chain of command. Or I could just speak directly to Papa.” She grinned and hugged Peggy tightly.
Gabe still wasn’t sure who she was, but he could take a hint. In the bustle of getting Falsworth official medical attention and debriefing, Gabe forgot the name of the person who picked them up. Small fella, dark hair, nice enough, didn’t talk much…couldn’t say what he looked like, really, it was dark. And we didn’t want to distract him from getting us home, sir, it was dark. No, didn’t get his name. Didn’t think it was safe, sir. We called him Ben.
A few weeks later, Gabe was on leave in London. He stopped in a movie theater to see the latest Bugs Bunny cartoon, and caught the latest newsreel. Standing in front of a battered old truck, bonnet raised, tire on the roof, stood a petite, dark haired lady. No insignia on her uniform, but the smile was unmistakable. Gabe barely restrained himself from blurting “Bet!” As he listened, he suddenly realized why Farnsworth and Dernier were behaving so oddly. It’s not every day a princess takes you joyriding.
*Jim Morita’s kids and grandkids never got why Grampa Jim was such a royal watcher. It just didn’t seem to fit with anything else he did. But they took him to see The Queen when it came out in theaters. What they didn’t understand was his reaction to the scene where Elizabeth II flooded her truck’s engine and had to call for help. “Yeah, RIGHT,” Jim snarled.
THIS IS LOVE!!!
SO GOOD.
A+ Quality content!
*bangs fist on desk* This is the kind of content I want on my dash!
But I just found an online resource for learning Inuktitut, which includes different dialects in the language! I’m so happy because look at this. It’s beautiful.
So if anyone is interested in learning more about Inuktitut, a wonderful language native to Northern Canada and Alaska, check out TUSAALANGA, because it’s amazing and wonderful and not only provides audio clips of pronunciation but in-depth explanation of sentence structure!
Help support this and the keeping of the Inuit language and culture!
just pick a theme you like, a sidebar image you want, and then go to this website and it’ll give you a color scheme that’s nearly perf every time. it’s like super easy and it’s totally how i do all my schemes