Tag: fandoms i don’t even care about

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

thatknitchick:

just-shower-thoughts:

I don’t understand why some Christians promote abstinence as a form of birth control when it didn’t even work for Mary.

I really shouldn’t be laughing right now.

story time: so i grew up in an abstinence-first education state where everything ended with “abstinence is the only form of contraception that is 100% effective” and my best friend gave a presentation on contraception where the last slide was just a picture of the virgin mary that said “abstinence is 99.99% effective” and she almost got kicked out of class

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

kazorus:

prokopetz:

Every time someone tries to explain the metaplot of Supernatural to me, it basically ends up sounding like redneck Dragon Ball Z. I’m sure there’s some nuance I’m failing to grasp here.

Care to elaborate on that?

…I’m not even offended, just absolutely curious.  From the stuff I’ve seen and heard about Supernatural I can’t see the connection.

Mostly, I get the impression of a show that doesn’t know how not to escalate.

Every threat’s gotta be quantitatively bigger and badder than the one that came before. Every deus ex machina’s gotta be shinier than the last one. Every season’s gotta end with a massive eleventh-hour powerup for our heroes, only for the next season to raise the stakes enough to put them back in the underdog position.

It’s like, you beat the Devil himself? Well, now you’ve gotta fight the Devil’s cousin Phil, who has conveniently gone entirely unmentioned up until now, but he’s totally twice as evil.

That last paragraph was literally supposed to be the most ridiculous hypothetical example I could think of, and people are messaging me to say “his name was Metatron, not Phil”. I can’t even make fun of this show.

Newly discovered frescoes of ‘fighting Jesus’ challenge Christian traditions

sourcedumal:

magica-tenore-regina:

carpeumbra:

A reading of the Gospel: Letters of Juan 1:31 “And then Jesus turned to the Pharisee and said, ‘Fight me’, and then Jesus threw hands, and the Pharisee caught those hands. And the Lord said, ‘You thought’, and the Pharisee realized he did not know.“ 

Lord of Hands, pray for us sinners who are thought to be wild pussy, and moreso pray for the people who got us fucked up so that they may cease to be wild. Amen. 

@intrinsicallydisordered @blossomingink @and-also-with-yall @papinegro

I’m currently cackling at “And the Lord said, ‘You thought’, and the Pharisee realized he did not know.” 

GOODBYE LOL 

I cannot. LMFAOOOO

Newly discovered frescoes of ‘fighting Jesus’ challenge Christian traditions

slatestarscratchpad:

hunterstheorem:

slatestarscratchpad:

comparativelysuperlative:

sinesalvatorem:

westsemiteblues:

smallswingshoes:

westsemiteblues:

kuttithevangu:

When rabbi telushkin talks about Elijah, he’s like “how did this grouchy, bad-tempered prophet become the mythical grandpa of the entire jewish people? Why not a more personable prophet? We could have had somebody nice and jolly like Santa Claus instead of this man”

And then he basically says it’s because Elijah just can’t be satisfied, he didn’t even die, he stayed alive and just disappeared into the sky out of sheer annoyance at the unsatisfactory nature of existence and he will be clumping around the world forever, glaring at things and yelling at people, until the messiah comes

“disappeared into the sky out of sheer annoyance at the unsatisfactory nature of existence”

omg please tell me about this Elijah dude, he sounds exactly like my kind of dude

Where to begin? He’s the Trickster figure of Judaism is what I always say, at once the loudest and the sneakiest of the prophets.

He spent his whole career denouncing a bad king and his even more problematic wife. They almost killed him a few times, but he survived, and as mentioned above, never actually died, just ascended into heaven in a fiery chariot. (This is after he basically tells God he’s just too damn tired to prophet anymore.) He brought a child back from the dead through prayer.

He held a prophet-off with the prophets of Baal. Basic challenge: we each put up a sacrifice. The one whose god accepts it with fire wins. He sits back and makes fun of them while they do their stuff…”YELL LOUDER. MAYBE HE’S ASLEEP”. When it’s his turn, he pours water all over his offering, and it goes up in flames from heaven anyway. (My teacher in my Nevi’im class mentioned, in passing, that there’s crude oil in the region.)

In his not-dead-just-semi-retired afterlife, he attends every Seder and bris worldwide. It’s said he will herald the arrival of Moshiach.

He was, and remains, kind of a crank. But he’s always there for the people who need him.

There are a million legends.

“My teacher in my Nevi’im class mentioned, in passing, that there’s crude oil in the region.”

Religious leaders using sneaky pyrotechnics is a thing I like.

No major opinions on Elijah (other than the prophet competition being really cool) but the OP has a really impressive concentration of Hamilton references.

[AHAB]
How does a grouchy, bad-tempered son of a Tishbite
Dropped in a forgotten age straight off a Torah page
Grow up to be a prophet and a sage?

[ELISHA]
The rover with the shofar
Got so far by preaching woe for
The foes o’ Jehovah
– and moreover –
Started out in a desert
With just a cave roof for cover

[MOSHIACH]
Then idolatry came, and desecration reigned
Our land saw its future drip, dripping down the drain
He went with malice to the palace, a message in his brain
And he spoke his first refrain, said that God would hold the rain

[AHAB]
Well the word got around, they said this kid’s pretty holy
Rails against the wicked, cares about the lowly
He’s the only one of all of us who dares stand up to Omri
And the world’s gonna know your name – what’s your name, man?

[ELIJAH]
Eliyahu haNavi
My name is Eliyahu haNavi
And there’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait, just you wait…

[WIDOW OF ZAREPHATH]
After three years met the Baalites, said let’s have a competition
We each provide a sacrifice, we see who gets ignition
High on a hill, with their kill, their prayers shrill

[COMPANY]
And Elijah got fire but the Baalites got nil

[GOD]
They put him under pressure so he fled into the desert
Woulda been likely tarred and feathered but I found him, took his measure
He started meditating on My most sacred Name
He was fasting, he was blasting all his foes with holy flame

[COMPANY]
Eliyahu haNavi
We are waiting in the wings for you
You could never back down, you never learned to take your time
Oh Eliyahu haNavi
When Eretz Yisrael sings for you
Will they know what you overcame?
Will they know you rewrote the game?
The world will never be the same…

[AHAB]
His chariot’s in Heaven now, see if you can spot him
Just another righteous soul ascending from the bottom
Just another prophet urging penitence on Sodom
But me? I fought with him.

[ELISHA]
Me? I worked with him.

[MOSHIACH]
Me? I wait for him.

[WIDOW OF ZAREPHATH]
Me? I saved him.

[GOD]
And Me? I’m the power that awed him.

[COMPANY]
There’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait!

[AHAB]
What’s your name, man?

[ELIJAH]
Eliyahu haNavi!

Holy shit Scott, can you do that on command for any character?

If so, can you write me an Aaron Burr, Sir about Isaac Newton?

So, without committing to ever doing this again, and while discouraging future requests of this sort (at least until I open my ask-box again) because they’re kind of nerd-sniping:

[NEWTON] Pardon me, are you Gottfried L? Well?

[LEIBNIZ] That depends. Who’s asking?

[NEWTON] Bloody hell. Well. My name is Isaac Newton. I’m at your service…well…I’ve read some of your stuff…

[LEIBNIZ] I’m getting nervous.

[NEWTON] Hell. There was some math I attempted that may have preempted a theory of yours – but you beat me to the printer, L. It was about the area under a curve –

[LEIBNIZ] You found the integral?

[NEWTON] Yes! I did it before you did, took the limit and computed, you think you’re undisputed, but you aren’t undisputed…so how’d you do it? How’d you publish it so fast?

[LEIBNIZ] God didn’t let the opportunity go past.

[NEWTON] You’re a theologian! Of course! I’m a theologian too! God, I wish there was Armageddon we could face head-on to prove we know more than we let on.

[LEIBNIZ] Can I buy you a drink?

[NEWTON] That would be nice.

[LEIBNIZ] And while we’re talking, let me offer you some free advice: Be less crazy.

[NEWTON] What?

[LEIBNIZ] Think more seriously.

[NEWTON] Huh.

[LEIBNIZ] Don’t waste your life upon weird Biblical conspiracy. You want to use your brain? Those who get too pious go insane.

[DESCARTES, PASCAL, BERKELEY] What time is it?! Showtime!!!

[LEIBNIZ] Like I’m sayin’…

medievalpoc:

maggie-stiefvater:

destielhiseyesopened:

umiko-hitara:

poisonpawz:

zftw:

voyagebysexualdiscovery:

Uh oh

wouldn’t that be awkward

Can I get some credible sources?

Here’s one

and another

and one more for the road

Theology nerd side of Tumblr, reporting for duty!

There are roughly five and a half fucktillion extracanonical gospels out there. For the first couple centuries after Jesus bit it, his followers wrote a ridiculous amount of fanfic. There were a gajillion different headcanons floating around about exactly who and what he even was (God pretending to be human? human who got possessed by God at his baptism? human who got promoted to demigod after his death? simultaneously God and human all along??) and lots of early Christian communities ~conveniently~ discovered a Totally 100% Authentic Eyewitness Account that supported their pet theory (and also, proved that their fave disciple was clearly the best).

Big Name Fans argued about all the major disagreements, periodically throwing conventions specifically to bicker until they reached some sort of consensus (more or less – sometimes the hold-outs ended up saying “screw you guys, we’re gonna go form our own church!”) Toward the end of the second century, a guy named Irenaeus wrote a meta arguing that there were four fics worth reading – no more, no less – and they were ones that folks somewhere along the line started to claim were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. This idea caught on as a popular bit of fanon, and over the next couple of centuries it gained so much support that it was declared canon.

So, what’s the point of this Jesus fandom history lesson? Basically, that the discovery of yet another extracanonical text isn’t particularly earth-shattering. Headlines like “Ancient Bible changes everything! Pope freaking out!” are bullshit, but that’s how it’s always framed cause more accurate headlines like “Old manuscript discovered – Historians say ‘Ooh, nifty!’” aren’t very good click-bait.

The actual history and politics of the various gospel texts are really fascinating though (if you’re a huge fucking nerd, like me). In the Gospel of Judas, he’s the only disciple who really understands Jesus, who told Judas to “betray” him. Also, God’s a Glow Cloud. The Infancy Gospel of Thomas has kid!Jesus smite other kids for being little shits. The Gospel of Peter is hella anti-Jewish, but has one cool bit with a character that’s literally a walking, talking cross. There’s a whole book called “Q” which has never even been found, but scholars are pretty sure exists cause Matthew and Luke copied a lot from it.

Seriously, leaning about this stuff made me go “woah, this is freaking awesome – why the hell did my parents’ church make the Bible seem so damn boring??” Well, probably cause all those white upper middle class folks didn’t want us kiddies to dig too deep and find out what a radical, anti-establishment bamf Jesus really was, but that’s another rant for another time…

Reblogging because this is what I live for. As a medieval history major, I got taught first and foremost that we’d be spending four years reading lies and biased half-truths and mythologies. Our job was to find the places they agreed and work the rest out from there. “Do the edge pieces first, Maggie.” I took an entire seminar on forgeries, because so many of the sources historians use to piece together the past are known fakes, but the best they can do is read between the lines or have no lines at all. There’s a reason why medieval historians read farm reports featuring travel descriptions and saints’ lives involving demons-living-in-buckets with the same attention to detail. Every dry history text you’ve read in your life comes from a pile of sources like this, bits of maybe-truth cobbled together with toothpaste and narwhal horn dust.

The moral of the story is be curious, and look for the lies in truth and the truth in lies. It’s pretty great: hello, history, riddle me this.

I want to reblog this as a reminder to people what I’m really working with here, and why I tend to be so critical of those who claim there’s only one answer to the question of what we do know, and what we CAN know about history. To reiterate the above:

Every dry history text you’ve read in your life comes from a pile of
sources like this, bits of maybe-truth cobbled together with toothpaste
and narwhal horn dust.

The moral of the story is be curious, and look for the lies in truth and
the truth in lies. It’s pretty great: hello, history, riddle me this.

The further you go down the research rabbithole, the weirder and more exceptional and amazing and interesting the narrative becomes. What we know about these times and places has been contingent upon the judgement of whoever has access to the primary sources, the dusty piles and the scraps of maybe-truths.

Now, with more and more libraries and museums digitizing their collections, we can all access these sources. We can watch or participate in the discovery of these narratives, which have long been pushed to the margins because those who had power to decide what is and is not “important” about history declined to mention them. Now we have the access to dig through it ourselves, for those who have the ability and the interest to do so, and see what amazing people, events, and narratives there are to be shared that we have decided are interesting and important.

I think that’s just amazing.

snailchimera:

amingusamongus:

ratszchon:

twentyonelizards:

royalpigeon:

prodigalqueer:

mustardprecum:

apocalyptic-genderpunk:

kjorteo:

apocalyptic-genderpunk:

tereziinateacup:

bp-mikey:

nominominus:

just-shower-thoughts:

If Jesus was born from a virgin birth, doesn’t that mean he has only an X chromosome. Wouldn’t that make him female?

wait

TRANS JESUS TRANS JESUS TRANS JESUS

I have taken 3 years of Theology, 1 of Apologetics, and 1 of Anatomy and Physiology and I’m honesty stumped by this one

Those species which are parthenogenic (i.e. self-fertilising, certain lizards, snakes, frogs and fish) the offspring is always genetically/physically female-typical. So yeah, if we were to take the nativity as a scientific story, a parthenogenic human pregnancy (still a scientific impossibility) would result in an AFAB child, and since that child has always been referred to as “he”, voila, trans jesus.

Actually, I think that depends on species? Like, New Mexico whiptail lizards are an entirely female all-parthenogensis all-the-time species, but Komodo dragon parthenogensis always results in males because their chromosome determination is different.

So clearly, to get to the bottom of this mystery, the first question we need to ask is what kind of reptile was Mary.

Tumblr, asking the real questions

Raptor Jesus born of a Raptor virgin.

Merry Christmas, y’all.

@twentyonelizards

*nodding* solid science lads

Sex determination is a complex and fascinating field. As far as I can tell, here are our possibilities.

It seems Mary did, in fact, undergo
parthenogenesis. As stated above, offspring produced from partho varies. For example, snakes have ZW chromosomes with females being ZW
and males being ZZ, so a female can produce male OR female offspring in this way.

In addition to this, some reptiles use
temp-dependent sexing! This means it’s possible that Jesus was a male because Mary laid him in
an appropriate-temperature manger.

And then we come on to intersex conditions. For
example: Jesus could have been XX, but had congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), causing
his outward appearance to become masculinized. A myriad of other conditions could have led to a similar consequence.

So, in
conclusion: reptile Jesus, intersex Jesus and trans Jesus are all viable options, and i support a combination of the three.

Or how about Mary being a chimera, having male gonads (improbably, but not impossibly) surviving inside her body from a devoured male twin, and being self-fertile?

Life, uh, finds a way

There is nothing I don’t love about this.

kjorteo:

apocalyptic-genderpunk:

tereziinateacup:

bp-mikey:

nominominus:

just-shower-thoughts:

If Jesus was born from a virgin birth, doesn’t that mean he has only an X chromosome. Wouldn’t that make him female?

wait

TRANS JESUS TRANS JESUS TRANS JESUS

I have taken 3 years of Theology, 1 of Apologetics, and 1 of Anatomy and Physiology and I’m honesty stumped by this one

Those species which are parthenogenic (i.e. self-fertilising, certain lizards, snakes, frogs and fish) the offspring is always genetically/physically female-typical. So yeah, if we were to take the nativity as a scientific story, a parthenogenic human pregnancy (still a scientific impossibility) would result in an AFAB child, and since that child has always been referred to as “he”, voila, trans jesus.

Actually, I think that depends on species? Like, New Mexico whiptail lizards are an entirely female all-parthenogensis all-the-time species, but Komodo dragon parthenogensis always results in males because their chromosome determination is different.

So clearly, to get to the bottom of this mystery, the first question we need to ask is what kind of reptile was Mary.