prokopetz:

I’m actually kind of concerned that I won’t be able to resist the urge to troll my hypothetical future children by quoting asinine turn-of-the-millennium Internet memes all the time.

LIke, she’ll be acting up or something, and I’ll suddenly be seized by the irresistible impulse to solemnly intone: “Naughty children get put in the pear wiggler.”

Forget bad puns: the Dad Jokes of the future are going to be straight-up verbal surrealism.

As the parent of a five year old, i can confirm that this urge is, in fact, frequently irresistible.

terrbible:

why are children always so sticky???? please stop that???? wash your hands tiny human???

“Anything could make Wentworth sticky. Washed and
dried and left in the middle of a clean floor for five minutes,
Wentworth would be sticky. It didn’t seem to come from anywhere. He just
got sticky.”
   

Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men