Update: Legolas’ pupils are about 3.5 cm wide each. Now drawing kawaii Legolas on physics assignment.
And they told you science was no fun.
Science!
I’m going to do it. I’m going to hand it in.
Legolas’s pupil size isn’t the problem here, though. 5 leagues is 17.262 miles. The curvature of the Earth means that for a person of average height, the visual horizon is less than three miles away. Even if your vision is telescopic and the atmosphere is perfectly clear, you can’t see around the planet. If they were standing on a hill, it would have to be at LEAST 198 feet above sea level in order to see the horizon at 17.2 miles away, with nothing tall in between. Which, knowing Rohan, isn’t impossible.
But consider: Elven satellite eyeballs.
you mean like
@sidereanuncia it’s back, the post that I can only imagine haunts your nightmares
I shall never find peace.
Also, for what it’s worth, there’s absolutely no reason to believe that the curvature of Middle Earth is the same as that of Earth.
There’s no evidence that Middle Earth curves.
Yeah there is. The Silmarillion states that the world was curved after the fall of Numenor (I believe), preventing access to Valinor. But Elves (among others) can travel the straight path across it.
So middle earth is round, but not for Elves because magic.
So wait, the reason he can see that far is because Elves just have the ability to ignore the curve of the earth? That’s awesome. It also means that no matter how good your optics got, you would always want elf eyes manning the spyglass because they can see arbitrarily far while everybody else is limited by this ‘horizon’ bullshit.
Oh thank God, my poor elf prince has seen too much in this post
Elves are flat-earthers
This post went from amusing to horrifying, to be brought back down to amusing, sprinkled in with some cannon explanation, and then you leave me here in fucking outrage
ancient roman 1: my dude what would you like to paint on the walls of our awesome house ancient roman 2: i dunno bro i was thinking that maybe we could get a fresco of that boner god weighing his erect dick against a bag of money ancient roman 1: that is exactly what i had in mind too bro let’s do it scholar: clearly this is the greatest civilization to walk the face of this earth
“1/4? Really? Who writes a measure of ¼. WHY would you write a measure of ¼?” “Because fuck you that’s why.”
“I will literally trade you my sandwich for that practice room.” “Dude you should eat your lunch.” “I won’t be able to eat it if my teacher decapitates me for not practicing JUST TAKE IT.”
“I always wanted to look inside the percussion room. It’s like Narnia, but noisier.”
“Satan created piccolos to punish the trumpets for their pride.”
“I’m thinking about dropping music history.” “But why, don’t you need that class?” “Yes but half of it is non-music majors and two people were having a discussion about why there were hashtags at the beginning of the music.”
“So my teacher convinced me to take the History of Rock and Roll over the Summer but it was an online course and he found the webcam filters and inevitably the first unit ended up being taught by a talking dinosaur on my webcam. This man teaches college theory.”
“SHH. Don’t say the theory teacher’s name. He’s like Beetlejuice. If you say it three times he’ll appear behind you and fuck your shit up.”
“I found out Mozart had a butt fetish and I’m never going to be able to stop calling him Mozfart.”
“If I see a drink within 100 feet of that Steinway I will track you down and beat you with my harpsichord.”
“Theres no way a tuba can fit in that tiny ass locker.” “Not with that attitude.”
~somebody accidentally slams the piano keys with the backpack~ “Same.”
“It’s just simple stomps and claps.” “I’m a SINGER. If I could stomp and clap don’t you think I’d be SOMETHING ELSE?!”
“It’s a simple repetition.” “You’re a simple repetition.” “Shut the fuck up.”
Me (drunk in a practice room at 3am because I wanted to see how it felt to play trombone when I can’t feel my face. Also, I’m slamming the piano keys with my forearms): FUCK YOU I’M HENRY COWELL
“I think the actors have been shortcutting through here again; I smell booze”
“what the fuck even is 5/4?″ “Mission: The Impossible Theme”
“radio feedback is absolutely a valid instrument” “spoken like a composition major”
“Help my fist is stuck in the tuba!”
And my personal favourite:
-Awful noise-
“What was that!?” “My hopes and dreams of making it in the industry.”
So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.
She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.
This should make for an interesting story.
So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.
Arrival:
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”
Retrieval:
So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.
Delivery:
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
What a great day.
This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.
I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.
I have reblogged this a dozen times and I will reblog it a dozen more.
Story artist at Walt Disney animation studios / Artist for Marvel Comics. Check out his etsy store for books and prints www.etsy.com/shop/BrianKesinger
I know I’ve reblogged some of these before, but I love these SW / Calvin and Hobbes mashups. So stinking cute.
Are you fucking kidding me? Like, no, Shakespeare wouldn’t tweet a sonnet cause 140 characters is a bit short for that. Wrong medium. But you know what he would have? A very active twitter FULL OF DICK PUNS AND YOUR MOM JOKES okay. (And probably also a blog for the sonnets and longer works, that cross-posts links to twitter anyway.)
Get out of here with that pretentious anti-technology bullshit.
He’d rock the fuck out of memes. Don’t deny it.
Exit, pursued by a doge.
much run wow
I don’t understand people who try to make Shakespeare into a pretentious thing cause he was basically an uneducated dick-joke making dude for the common masses. His historical plays are straight up fanfiction. There’s a scene in Macbeth where two guards are having a conversation as a dude pees on a wall. Get out of here with your Shakespeare snobbery.
ALL OF THIS
Also, the comment ‘Exit, pursued by a doge’ alone makes this worth reblogging 😀
Heck, the line that’s based on, “Exit, pursued by bear”, only exists because Shakespeare couldn’t think of any other way to get rid of the character, so opted to have him attacked by a bear, which did not exist in the play before that moment.
He literally made a bear appear out of thin air, just to kill off a character, purely due to writer’s block.
“And then the bear gets him”
“…
…
The
The bear?”
“Yes the bear”
“Will
Will there isn’t a bear in this play
Where did the bear come from”
“A PLACE
And he exits the play pursued by it
It’s happening make me a bear costume”
“it’s happening make me a bear costume” lmao
Shakespeare even wrote Yo Mama jokes, like this delight from Titus Andronicus.
CHIRON: Thou has undone our mother. AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.
On top of the yo mama jokes and random bears, we should also remember that Shakespeare loved crowd-pleasing special effects, and often made use of cutting-edge pyrotechnics to spice up scenes of battle or sorcery, as well as to herald the entrance of important characters. This is, in fact, what led to the ultimate fate of the original Globe Theatre, of which Shakespeare was part-owner. Ol’ Bill had the brilliant idea of using a fucking cannon to announce the King’s entrance in the 1613 premier of Henry VIII. Long story short, the cannon was improperly secured and bucked in its frame when fired, spraying sparks everywhere and setting the Globe’s roof-beams on fire; within the hour, the entire building had burned to the ground.
(Fortunately, no-one was harmed in the evacuation, save for one unfortunate audience member whose trousers were set ablaze by falling embers. He reportedly extinguished the flames with his beer.)
Dick jokes and over the top special effects…Shakespeare was the predecessor to Michael Bay…
Shakespeare also loved over-complicated dialogue, obscure pop culture jokes, minor characters having lengthy conversations about nothing in particular, and self-referential navel-gazing that only massive theatre nerds would have understood even when his plays were contemporary.
(That last one is the the reason why one line of dialogue can require four paragraphs of explanation in modern editions.)
Shakespeare wasn’t his era’s Michael Bay.
He was his era’s Quentin Tarantino.
Except he decided over the top endless gore was boring after running with it for one play (seriously Kit, you need a new gimmick), and put in more dick-jokes and pop-culture references instead.
Kimchi and Justice 