therewerenorelevanturlsavailable:
a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay
neville: *messes up his potion*
gordon ramsay: *holds neville between two slices of bread* what are you
neville: an idiot sandwich
no no no!
Imagine that this is Gordon Ramsay a la Masterchef Junior
Neville: *messes up the potion, realizes it, starts crying quietly*
GR: What’s going on?
Neville: *explains how he messed up*
GR: Oh gosh okay…we can fix this, don’t cry, see, it’s fine now? Just be more careful when you’re adding the Newt’s eyes, all right? Drop them in gently. There we go. No more tears.
Neville: *giggles wetly, wiping eyes*
Yes, he only screams when he’s dealing with people that claim to know what they’re doing and clearly dont, when he’s teaching he’s very kind and patient because they’re still learning.
He’d probably do the bread thing to Malfoy.
nononononono. I get that Malfoy is a bit of a twat, but he’s still a kid. It’d be the teachers fucking up that he’d have trouble with.
Ramsay: All you had to do was treat it with a fucking Beozar!
Slughorn: It was a stressfu-
Ramsay: How long have you been teaching potions?!
or
Ramsay: So you’re going to raise this boy SPECIFICALLY so he can die as part of your twisted little scheme?
Dumbledore: It’s for the greater good, professor.
Ramsay: The greater fucking good?! *holds two slices of bread either side of dumbledoor’s face* What are you?
Dumbledore: Am I, per chance, an idiot sandwich?
Ramsay: Yes, you fucking are.
Okay, now I can reblog it!
Tag: it got better
Evening Post: August 12, 1899.
“She immediately alighted, caught hold of the astonished youth, and gave him a sound thrashing, using her fists in a scientific fashion…”I would love to know what this means.
I think that might be code for “punched him in the balls with devastating accuracy”.
it is absolutely code for “punched him in the balls with devastating accuracy”
As is the case with boxing, it most likely means that she was precise and methodical. So, yes. She punched him in the balls with devastating accuracy.
“to the delight of several colliers who were passing” just imagining these coal miner bros standing around all WHOO YOU GO GURL
I GOT UR HUGE FLOWER HAT BB KICK HIS ASS
It’s really hard to choose a favorite part of this story.
Frollo, upon meeting Gaston for the first time. True story.
No ooone’s thick like Gaston/Moves those hips like Gaston/No one makes an old priest want some dick like Gaston
I choked on my drink
I’m in tears holy shit
I ship it
Barbara Tuchman says the widespread apparently juvenile behavior of medieval Europe should be considered in light of the fact that most of active society was in fact people in their teens and twenties
Which on the one hand is like one of those things that’s obvious once it’s pointed out
But also its funny to think there was a whole historians’ tradition of being like “why were medieval kings so overemotional” until Tuchman clears her throat and goes… “Ahem… Have you ever met an eighteen year old boy” and then everyone’s like “oooooh”
See also: revolutionary Boston
“Okay listen realistically I’m going to die of pox, plague, or The French Disease by the time I’m 25 if I’m not poisoned. It’s a miracle that I’m even standing here today. I’ve got a team of bishops paid to pray for my soul in shifts so I’ve got heavenly insurance in the likely occurrence I am stabbed as soon as I leave this chamber. So you know what? I’m gonna fuck shit up. The neighboring duke looked at me weird last feast day; let’s start with him.”
Kimchi and Justice 