@zahnie i am kind of mad tbh bc now i keep thinking about that leverage/batman crossover and it’s ridiculous. they’re using a charity gala as a way to get into the manor. eliot immediately pegs alfred for former mi6, but he can’t figure out what the fuck bruce’s deal is. something about the way he stands or the way he watches the room or his shoulders or something. “is it not distinctive enough?” “oh, it’s distinctive as hell, i just don’t know what it is”. let’s say it’s older bruce so hardison has to get into a hacker fight with tim. sophie can’t grift bc there are too many rich people who’d recognize her in attendance. parker can’t infiltrate the catering service because they run that shit tighter than the white house (WHY is he so paranoid about his CATERERS what the HELL i’ve seen BANKS less lax about tracking employees than this) so she has to pretend to be a model. that backfires so fast because bruce is so nice and wants to know if she’s okay bc she seems uncomfortable. parker is thrilled when she discovers the house is full of secret passages but that also ends poorly when she turns a corner and bruce is standing there like “hey there, you seem lost”. he’s still wearing the tux and drinking his champagne. he helpfully guides her to the bathroom since she is having such trouble finding it. eliot has a tense standoff with alfred bc this is wayne manor alfred and that means he is like an older, british eliot who’ll shoot a motherfucker. hardison and tim get distracted playing wow together and it isn’t clear exactly how that happened. there has to be at least one scene where eliot and bruce are fighting and the rest of the team just watches instead of doing anything useful because it’s actually kind of really hot. they don’t even really hurt each other so it’s fine. probably fine. just let them keep pinning each other to the floor for a while, it’s fine. bruce has a lot of helpful critiques for nate’s plan that nate does not appreciate. the obvious thing is that they figure out he’s batman but it’s kind of funnier if they don’t and just think bruce wayne is an inexplicable bamf. they’ve all learned a valuable lesson about judging people based on appearances. bruce flirts with sophie and nate pretends not to be bitter about it but he gazes out at the gotham skyline and broods. it’s just what happens when you’re in gotham. it’s a very broodworthy skyline. make fun of batman all you want but you look out at that skyline and try not to brood. you can’t. even superman broods. i mean, he looks like he’s brooding. he’s usually trying to remember if he left the oven on because every time he decides to make himself a nice dinner a supervillain attacks and four hours later his baked ziti is charcoal. it still counts as brooding. nate never stood a chance.
“Parker, if he so much as gives you a bad feeling I want you to get the hell out of there as fast as you can.”
“What?” Parker looked back over her shoulder at the man currently adorned with three blondes, five brunettes, and a redhead. “Why?”
“Something’s not right,” Eliot said, which wasn’t an explanation at all.
“Think you can maybe give us a little more to go on than that?” Nate asked, the kind of sardonic authority that was easy to pull off when he wasn’t even in the building.
“No,” Eliot snapped. “I don’t know what the hell it is, I just know it’s bad news.” MI6 in the way he held his champagne and CIA in the way he stood and a soldier in his shoulders and Interpol in the way he looked around the room – no, CIA again – no, FBI – League of Assassins? Obviously not that, couldn’t have been that, so what exactly was it that had him wanting to grab Parker and get the hell out? If he could get closer he might be able to tell, the mezzanine might as well have been a different building entirely for all the good it did him. All forest, no trees.
“Not distinctive enough?” Hardison asked, but it wasn’t a real question.
“Too distinctive,” Eliot answered, even though he knew Hardison didn’t actually care. “I’ve just never seen it before.”
“If you’ll pardon the intrusion, sir,” said a voice not in Eliot’s ear, and he did not make it obvious how he stiffened at the address. Eliot turned, let harmless confusion and interest soften his face.
The butler, the one he’d seen before. Pennyworth. That familiar combination of MI6 and Interpol, muddied with domestic service but present all the same.
“May I have your name?” the butler asked, his hair was white but his eyes were sharp.
Mr. Pennyworth exuded serene amusement. “So sorry,” he said, “but I’m afraid you’re not Mr. Easton.”
“Don’t try to deny it,” Sophie said in Eliot’s ear before he could respond. “He couldn’t make it so he told you to come.”
“You caught me,” Eliot said, sheepish. “Turned out he had some kind of a family thing, said I could use his invite. Didn’t think anyone’d notice if I used his name. He’ll be flattered you remember him.”
It was unclear if Pennyworth bought this story, as placid as before. “I don’t, actually,” he said. “But I’ve always made it a point to examine the guest lists personally. If there were meant to be a former green beret in attendance, I would know about it.”
Eliot was, for the most fleeting of moments, stunned.
The butler smiled. It was not kind. “The way you watch the crowd,” he explained. “It’s very distinctive.”
Eliot froze. He frowned. His brow furrowed.
If Hardison laughed any harder, he was going to hurt himself.
Is there fic out there in the Leverage fandom where Sterling has to work with the FBI and he’s going not-so-quietly insane because everyone in the FBI is utterly convinced that Parker & Hardison are actual bone fide agents? Like, they pity Sterling because they’re just so damn good that they’ve managed to sell him on their covers as con artists? They’re such good agents that they’ve managed to fool Interpol?
It’s called leverage and it will change your life.
If you’ve seen the show Hustle it’s kind of like that but better. Which is saying something because Hustle is really good.
The premise:
A con artist, a hacker, a hitter, and a theif turn from a life of pure crime, to a life of crime for a good purpose, led by a former insurance investigator.
They target the rich and powerful that are picking on the little guy, and basically set them up due to their own greed and selfishness.
Then stand there and watch while the mark implodes on itself
The team:
Former insurance investigator, turned Mastermind and crime dad.
Is much smarter than he looks. Somhow manages to herd cats (aka his crime children) and get the job done, despite being a human dissaster.
Con artist, art theif, and crime mom.
Is the most incredible acress to grace this earth, when she’s not actually trying to act.
seriously don’t let her act on stage.
genius hacker, fountain of snark
giant adorable nerd.
Also pretty much the best dressed on the show which was refreshing, because as the huge computer nerd, that’s usually the stereotypical role of social outcast loner. Hardison has the best style and the best actual inter-personal skills and empathy of anyone on the show. Sophie can manipulate people, but hardison actually understands people. And cares about them. Biggest heart. Ray of sunshine.
parker my homegirl. Best thief in the world.
socially awkward and you never quite know what she’s going to do next. It could be eat cereal. It could be blowing up the building.
My dear eliot. The “muscle.” But also…the secret brain.
he’s much, much smarter than he looks. And everyone, including his team at times, underestimates him.
that’s code for “i love you”.
Bottom line:
Every.Single.Character has an incredible, organic character arc. And make progress that you could never see coming in season 1.
It will make you laugh. It will make you cry. A lot.
Watch it.
Stress that there is “only” five seasons, even though it finishes perfectly and wraps up better than almost any other series i’ve ever watched.
remember when elliot told hardison how he was gonna raise their kids literally one episode before he pledged himself to hardison and parker 4 lyfe
#ugh now i’m just imagining the ot3#adopting ‘unadoptable’ kids with ‘attitude problems’ or criminal tendencies#giving them all the love and boundaries and structure and therapy they need#teaching them to channel their criminal energies towards good causes!!!!#teaching them the law…#…and loopholes in the law…#…how to decide when to break the law…#…how to break the law and not get caught#and also how to make a home#how to choose a family#how to fight and use computers and pickpocket#and cook and play soccer and paint and tumble and take care of people#HORRIBLE(via amazonpoodle)
Bucky keeps his gun trained on the guy, now he’s managed to throw him far enough away to use the damn thing. He shakes his head impatiently, flicking sweaty hair away from his eyes, blowing impatiently at the strands that won’t shift.
“There’s your problem, right there,” he’s told, the man’s palms held high and facing him like surrender, like some kind of weird blessing. His voice is all soft Southern vowels pulled somehow tight and angry and out of place, like he’d sound better singing. It reminds him of the archer, and Bucky has to flex his fingers around the weapon in an effort not to lower it.
“I’ve got no problems, buddy,” he says, first time he’s spoken, and he’s met with a snort.
“I don’t even know you and I know that’s a lie.” He steps closer and Bucky makes no movement – he’s watched enough of this century’s television to know that taking the safety off is always used like a threat, here, but Bucky’s not stupid enough to pull his gun on anything he’s not willing to shoot at. The man stops, in any case, like the stillness tells him more than it doesn’t.
“Look, I don’t want to fight you,” he says. “You’ve got the look of a man only killing’d keep down, and I don’t do shit like that any more.”
Stand down, Steve says in his ear. They’re friendlies.
Really,really, overly friendly, Sam adds.
Redwing? an unfamiliar voice says, high with excitement, Can I take him apart? Can I pet him?
When Bucky lowers his weapon the guy releases tension that looked enough a part of him that his smile is a gut-punch surprise.
“Eliot,” he says, holding out a hand.
“What’s my problem?” Bucky asks him, squinting, suspicious, as he holsters his gun.
Eliot shrugs and drops his hand, mutters, “it’s like another goddamn Parker, I swear. Here.” He fumbles something from around his wrist – a loop of elastic that’s wrapped in black cotton. Bucky takes it, regards it, absently pushes his hair behind his ear.
“That and conditioner, man,” Eliot tells him. “I swear it’ll change your life.”
please please someone write me 10k of hacker!Nana.
Heeheehee, YAHS.
Not 10k, but hope you like it:
There was one thing Hardison never told anyone. Not Nate, not Sophie, not Parker or Elliot. Hardison had a teacher. The way Parker had Archie, Hardison had her. She used to work for NASA, wrote out the flight codes by hand. She helped launch the shuttle that put Armstrong on the Moon. And she taught him everything. At ten he was writing his own computer codes in spiral notebooks during math classes he could have passed in his sleep, taking them home and showing them to her.
“Look, Nana! This one draws butterflies on the screen.”
“That’s good, Alec. But you switched from COBALT to C++ in the middle here. That’s not gonna do you any good baby. Here’s how you fix it…”
Her pension from the government helped pay for all of Nana’s kids, but when she got sick, it wouldn’t quite cover her medicine or doctor. She wasn’t going to short the kids any, and Alec knew that. He also knew that they’d look at her first if he took money out of an account linked to her job. He knew this because she told him, because she knew how his mind worked. That’s how he wound up hacking an overseas bank that had lent money to her old boss, the one who denied her request for government healthcare. And if he left behind some breadcrumbs for the authorities to find that led to that jerk, well, there are worse things to do on Prom night.
YAAAAAAAHHHHHHS!!!!
OH MY GOD NANA IS ONE OF NASA’S HUMAN CALCULATORS. (Maybe even Katherine Johnson?)
THIS WAS SHORT BUT OH SO SATISFYING. SERIOUSLY, WHEN I REALIZED WHAT WAS HAPPENING, I KICKED MY FEET AND WHOOPED.
#ah hello scene i love#I WILL SNAP THAT OFF YOUR HAND says eliot#not believing it#knowing parker won’t believe it#a hundred percent sure at this point that even a total stranger would not believe it#u r so compromised spencer#still making overly specific threats because that’s your jam and it’s what you’re good at#but everyone knows at this point that you’re more likely to hold parker’s hand#than snap anything off of it#more likely to ice hardison’s bruises than cause them#EVEN YOU KNOW THIS NOW ELIOT#AND YOU WERE THE HARDEST ONE TO CONVINCE#just look at that face in the last gif.#‘it’s happening. it’s happening. i should do – something – aw DAMN it i’d let her kill me if she wanted’#my beautiful forever love dysfunctional damaged lion-hearted thief triad; never change you gorgeous sophisticated newborn babies#thief juice: it’s a mouth crime (gyzym)
leverage season 1: let’s help a hardworking, honest young patriotic veteran w/ a disability who just wants to get back to the workforce
leverage season 3: let’s steal a federal witness and set him up for murder, fuck the courts. let’s steal the department of defense it’s not treason as long as we give it back probably.
leverage finale: lets fucking find out every company who got a government bailout they didn’t earn after the crash and DESTROY THEM. destroy the us banking system destroy the companies let’s take on interpol to do it goddammit
leverage if they’d gotten another season, presumably: lets travel back in time and kidnap george washington and then steal the declaration of independence and erase all eagles from existence by stealing the first ever eagle
leverage the movie: Donald Trump is president. Let’s go steal America.
All burning questions merit consideration! However, I think things go slightly differently than you are expecting.
First of all: Marisol and Julianna Flores (aka Mary and Julie-Anne Jones, aka Marcella Rodriguez and Jenny Smith, aka Michelle and Jill Garcia and, aka ‘Where the hell are two teenagers getting all of these fake IDs?’ (that last one per Hardison) disappear.
They’re wanted for questioning in connection with all of the shit that went down with Julianna’s foster/adoptive dad, and that’s a hornet’s nest that’s not worth kicking. Luckily, Marisol and Julianna Flores are part of the Washington State foster care system. Portland is a whole new ball game.
Kimchi and Justice 