Tag: lol history

some classics valentine’s day poems

raisel-the-riveter:

johnnyatruant:

johnnyatruant:

johnnyatruant:

teashoesandhair:

thoodleoo:

Achilles

roses are red

wine-dark is the sea

my boyfriend is dead

time for a killing spree

Oedipus

roses are red

a hue like no other

you know, valentine,

you’re just like my mother?

Catullus

my girl’s eyes are swollen

her sparrow is dead

but is that just a metaphor

for my dick instead?

Cato

roses are red

space is black like a void

who cares about love

Carthage must be destroyed

Poseidon

Roses are red

like bitter regret 

I’m god of the ocean 

let me make you wet 😉

Odysseus

My wife is at home

but babe, let’s forget her; 

I’ll show you a good time

‘cause Nobody’s better

Athena 

Roses are red

violets are red 

everything is red 

I love war

Apollo

Roses are red

but I haven’t got any

all of my lovers

have turned into botany

Prometheus

I’ve bought you some roses

‘cause babe, I’m a giver

say you’ll be mine

I’ll really de-liver

Zeus

Roses are red

violets are blue

shit, Hera’s coming – 

Julius Caesar

Roses are red, 

And so is my blood.

What the fuck Brutus?

I thought we were good! 

Pompey

Roses are red,

My pate’s on a plate.

Ptolemy got head

On our first date. 

Crassus

Gold is not red, 

It’s yellow like honey. 

Your house is on fire,

So give me your money. 

Porcia

Embers are red,

The hottest fire’s blue.

I swallowed these coals

So you’d know I was true. 

Cato the Younger

Entrails are red.

You can’t keep me in stitches. 

I ripped my guts open.

Fuck all you bitches. 

Catilina

I see two bodies. 

They’re me and you. 

I fucked a Vestal. 

I fucked your dad, too. 

Clodius 

Roses are red, 

I have three hot sisses.  

I put on a dress

And I nailed Caesar’s missus. 

@raisel-the-riveter DEAL WITH THIS IT’S YOUR FAULT. 

Cicero

Violets are indigo,

Roses are crimson.

Silver my tongue is,

Like Fulvia’s hairpin. 

Mark Antony

Roses are red,

And violets bucolic. 

I’m Marcus Antonius

And I’m an alcoholic. 

@raisel-the-riveter I CAN’T STOP. 

!!! OH MY GOD

empress-of-awesomeness:

shaestel:

people call on the ‘science side of tumblr’ because generally scientists are eager lil nerds willing to help others

people don’t call on the history side of tumblr because all historians are – without fail – sarcastic angry assholes looking to start a fight

On the upside, if you do need historical information, we don’t tend to wait to be asked.

Newly discovered frescoes of ‘fighting Jesus’ challenge Christian traditions

sourcedumal:

magica-tenore-regina:

carpeumbra:

A reading of the Gospel: Letters of Juan 1:31 “And then Jesus turned to the Pharisee and said, ‘Fight me’, and then Jesus threw hands, and the Pharisee caught those hands. And the Lord said, ‘You thought’, and the Pharisee realized he did not know.“ 

Lord of Hands, pray for us sinners who are thought to be wild pussy, and moreso pray for the people who got us fucked up so that they may cease to be wild. Amen. 

@intrinsicallydisordered @blossomingink @and-also-with-yall @papinegro

I’m currently cackling at “And the Lord said, ‘You thought’, and the Pharisee realized he did not know.” 

GOODBYE LOL 

I cannot. LMFAOOOO

Newly discovered frescoes of ‘fighting Jesus’ challenge Christian traditions

Hamilton was not content to write [under the pseudonym] Camillus alone. Two days after his second essay appeared, he began to publish, in the same paper, a parallel series as ‘Philo Camillus.’ For several weeks, Philo Camillus indulged in extravagant praise of Camillus and kept up a running attack on their republican adversaries. The prolific Hamilton was now writing pseudonymous commentaries on his own pseudonymous essays. He also tossed in two trenchant essays under the name ‘Horatius’ in which he accused Jeffersonians of ‘a servile and criminal subserviency to the views of France.’

Ron Chernow, Alexander Hamilton

alexander hamilton joined a forum and created multiple accounts so he could agree with himself in a political discussion thread

(via sonnywortzik)

Humans have not changed in hundreds of years. It truly is amazing.

(via laughingfish)

Someone draw me a comic of Hamilton with lots of sock puppets.

thylatcryla:

#think about all the porn that’s been made about him in universe #national icon; historical sex symbol; confused grandpa #steve rogers’ black and white photos probably inspired an entire generation to earn history degrees #all your ww2 professors were ushered into sexual awakening by this classical looking motherfucker #the apollo belvedere of brooklyn #the erskine antonius #top frozen david #who cares about his feelings on foreign policy he’s here to be objectified (via ilvalentinos)