‘oh, classics! what’s your favorite book? i love jane austen’
ok i know what this passage says but what’s the hidden dick joke
what the fuck does res mean this time
‘haha it’s all greek to me!!’
this poem would totally be great if i had more than 4 lines of it
‘so like…you’re never gonna get a job, are you?’
‘can you translate something into greek/latin for me? i want to get it tattooed/use it in a book!’
‘did you hear that they found alexander the great’s tomb?’
‘how many languages do you speak?’
the dual
this author existed sometime between the 1st and 3rd century. maybe.
† we just don’t know
†
Benedict: okay the history of the soviet union
Benedict: is sometimes pretty unbelievable
Maxie: oh?
Benedict: yeah so like
Benedict: tsar nicholas’s kid alexei, the
Benedict: idk if they called him the prince, like they didn’t exactly use that system? he was something called a tsarevich though which i assume boils down to the same thing
Benedict: like whatever, monarchies, call your heriditary business whatever you want
Benedict: anyway one of the noble dudes was agitating for a plan to gradually free the serfs, modernize things like the west
Benedict: and alexei had none of this and so he exiled the dude
Benedict: and like
Benedict: there’s a reason the ussr tended to kill its political dissidents rather than exile them
Benedict: because this guy, piotr, during all the revolution stuff, manages to get a telegram to alexei
Benedict: piotr had led one of the mass emancipations and was marching on the palace
Benedict: and the telegram said
Benedict: “serfs rise, ‘vich. bet you thought you’d seen the last of me”
Maxie: so, full disclosure
Maxie: i was distracted and saw the punchline first.
Benedict: aw
Benedict: idk whether to include the full disclosure in the basketball post
Benedict: what do you think
Maxie: I mean, don’t do it if you think it hurts the joke
Maxie: it’s not like Ivano be terrible, here.
Maxie: (I’m sure I’ve used that before, but bear with me, here.)
Maxie: (You gotta lemming get in what jokes I can.)
Benedict: i. really shouldn’t try to one-up you with soviet puns, should i
Maxie: eh, USSR the only judge of that.
Maxie: sorry, that one was pretty exkruschevating.
Benedict: fuck
Maxie: by the way, you know the big difference between the Siberians and the Mongols?
Maxie: at least, historically
Benedict: i don’t.
Maxie: well, the mongols, of course, were a culture very big on their horses
Maxie: but siberia never had the conditions to make horseback riding practical, so the people there ended up developing cross-country as a method of making long journeys instead.
Maxie: basically
Maxie: it’s a question of trot/ski.
Benedict: hhhhhhhhhh
Benedict: i have no one to blame but myself
Benedict: also you
Benedict: mostly you
Benedict: fuck you
Maxie: so stalin’s reading glasses started giving him a really bad headache later in life, but he refused to get a new prescription
Maxie: said it would be revisionism
Benedict: i’m gonna break something
Bitter orange is a citrus fruit close to oranges, but very bitter and it must be cooked or candied to be taste good. The sweet orange (citrus sinencis), that we know of today, appeared only in the 15th century, and it was not found in cookery before the 16th century. So beware, when you read the word orange in a medieval text, it always refers to the bitter orange!
I heard a story once that a princess of Portugal who married into the English royal family served bitter orange marmalade out of spite to English people she didn’t like. Her guests had to eat it and pretend to like it because of her position. It seems several genuinely did like it, and thus eating marmalade became a custom in England.
Would you look at that, apparently I haven’t made this whole thing up. Princess Catarina de Bragança (who married King Charles II of England) is credited with introducing marmalade to England in the 1600s, along with the custom of afternoon tea. (So far I haven’t found any sources that say whether she did it out of spite.)
16th century #cat running about with some guy’s penis
And there is a bargain going on
well you know the old saying:
“when a cat steals your penis you’re wise to have a fish at hand”
I have never heard this saying.
The text at the bottom says “Flaisch macht flaisch” I’m going to guess “flaisch” is an old way of saying “fleisch” which is meat (flesh). I have no idea what “flesh macht flesh” is supposed to mean.
afaik it means literally “meat makes meat” but in this context implies a trade of meat for meat. 😉
the person is trying to trade the cat a fish to get the penis back.
RIBALDRY
I am going to ask a silly question. How did he lose his penis to a cat?
**sighhh** it might help ppl to see the full illustration. this is why i hate when art history blogs don’t link back.
She is bribing the cat with a fish to get the penis in exchange. The Rijksmuseum text reads (loosely): “Nun runs with fish in hand chasing a cat, she wants to exchange the fish with a penis that has the cat in its mouth. A jester is watching through a window frame.”
I hope this helps people understand the situation being depicted.
I love my major…
Is this that Neko Atsume game I keep hearing about
this is your periodic reminder that old-timey medicines did not fuck around
Yeah that’d probably handle a cough.
“skillfully combined with a number of other ingredients” what else did they fucking put in there
This picture is the definition of “just fuck me up”
I want some.
someone: the classics are so refined
diogenes: i’m gonna throw a chicken at plato and then i’m gonna reward myself by whacking it in public
vase painters: how many dicks do you think are enough? at least 5
aristophanes: you need 3 fart soundboards to perform this play properly
lucian: the moon is full of gay people, anyway let’s argue about whether sleeping with girls or boys is better
catullus: i want to make out infinity times with my girlfriend
the entire roman senate: ostensibly we are a respectable body but actually we are a preschool full of man-sized babies
ovid: haha then what 😉
horace: i fucking hate this goddamn tree also hey wanna hear about a wet dream i had
martial: you’re hot but you queef too much so i don’t want to have sex with you
someone: such elegance
Thinking about future historians being pissed as hell at us any time they come across something weird/unusual, because they can’t be sure if it’s legit or just one of us trolling them from beyond the grave.
But also, which inane parts of our lives will read as absurd? Like will they be like, okay but obviously roller blades were just an elaborate troll?
Anything you don’t want future historians to see should be prefaced with Never Gonna Give You Up. They’ll immediately recognize it as a joke and turn to something else without getting through that part.
Okay, but that suggests that any history we truly want to hide, we just preface with Rick Astley, because everyone’s gonna ignore it.
(Except for that one grad student who suspects our shenanigans, writes paper after labored paper that everyone ignores, and hates us more than all the other academicians combined.)
Wow, I had no idea Satan was so knowledgeable and generous with his time.
#TeamSatan
Can satan come teach a class at my school
Amusingly, among the Western European demon-conjuring cults of the 16th Century, many demons were greatly valued for their skill as teachers, often to the point that grimoires would place greater emphasis on the subjects each demon was qualified to teach than on their supernatural powers.
For example, this guy?
Teaches moral philosophy.
And this creepy dude?
He’s your astronomy professor.
Seriously, look this stuff up some time – it’s wild.
I now want a comic or cartoon series about demon teachers and their human students. Not sure if it should be college or high school.
“Aw, man – I got Professor Lionwheel. I hear if you fail his exams, he eats your legs.”
“Yeah, but he’s supposed to be really good about keeping regular office hours.”
“Huh. Sort of a trade-off, really.”
What do you have to do to get a scholarship?
I can’t believe you called Buer, Great President of Hell, Professor Lionwheel lmfao.
Kimchi and Justice 