me: would an apocalyptic angel with four legs wear pants like this, or like this
st. thomas aquinas: everything which is in pants has some position. now to have a position cannot benefit an angel, since his substance is devoid of quantity, the proper difference of which is to have a position. therefore an angel is not in pants.
st thomas aquinas’ friend: fuck ‘em up saint thomas aquinas
jefferson and madison tour the countryside in pursuit of the hessian fly
aaron burr literally getting painted out of trumbull’s depiction of the death of montgomery even though he was like the only person there
jefferson delivers his inaugural address and no one can hear him
‘delenda est carthago’
when new york city celebrated the election of 1800 by lighting up two huge hearts in the sky with colored lamps to represent burr and jefferson
the time peter irving tried to defend burr from accusations that he had worn bulletproof silk during the duel by arguing that it was actually a cotton-bombazine blend and james cheetham responded with ‘lmao ur gay’
the reynolds pamphlet
john marshall forgets his pants
someone explain “delenda est carthago” to me, who was that?
please explain it to me I will give you a thousand cookies with fake names.
(in the context of early American History. I know about Cato)
So Thomas Jefferson really liked Giuseppe Ceracchi’s (life-sized) sculpture of Hamilton, and got a copy of it for his entrance hall at Monticello. Then he set up a bust of himself across from it, so that anyone walking through the main entrance had to walk between the two. Which, you know, is petty and weird enough as it is. But apparently Jefferson’s bust was “colossal” and set up on this super ornate green marble pedestal so that it was waaaay bigger and more impressive than Hamilton’s. Literal children.
“Jefferson went to his grave struggling to cast his relationship with
Hamilton in the right light, trying to depict himself as a liberal,
right-minded leader rather than the petty and vindictive politician he
often appeared to be. It was concern for his reputation that inspired
him to put Hamilton’s bust in the main entrance way to Monticello; there
could be no nobler act than to acknowledge the greatness of one’s
enemies – and only the greatest of men could defeat such a foe.
Positioned in Jefferson’s American museum alongside Indian artifacts and
moose antlers, Hamilton’s bust is a political hunting trophy, evidence
of the path not taken and the superiority of those who chose the right
course.”
When rabbi telushkin talks about Elijah, he’s like “how did this grouchy, bad-tempered prophet become the mythical grandpa of the entire jewish people? Why not a more personable prophet? We could have had somebody nice and jolly like Santa Claus instead of this man”
And then he basically says it’s because Elijah just can’t be satisfied, he didn’t even die, he stayed alive and just disappeared into the sky out of sheer annoyance at the unsatisfactory nature of existence and he will be clumping around the world forever, glaring at things and yelling at people, until the messiah comes
“disappeared into the sky out of sheer annoyance at the unsatisfactory nature of existence”
omg please tell me about this Elijah dude, he sounds exactly like my kind of dude
Where to begin? He’s the Trickster figure of Judaism is what I always say, at once the loudest and the sneakiest of the prophets.
He spent his whole career denouncing a bad king and his even more problematic wife. They almost killed him a few times, but he survived, and as mentioned above, never actually died, just ascended into heaven in a fiery chariot. (This is after he basically tells God he’s just too damn tired to prophet anymore.) He brought a child back from the dead through prayer.
He held a prophet-off with the prophets of Baal. Basic challenge: we each put up a sacrifice. The one whose god accepts it with fire wins. He sits back and makes fun of them while they do their stuff…”YELL LOUDER. MAYBE HE’S ASLEEP”. When it’s his turn, he pours water all over his offering, and it goes up in flames from heaven anyway. (My teacher in my Nevi’im class mentioned, in passing, that there’s crude oil in the region.)
In his not-dead-just-semi-retired afterlife, he attends every Seder and bris worldwide. It’s said he will herald the arrival of Moshiach.
He was, and remains, kind of a crank. But he’s always there for the people who need him.
There are a million legends.
How does a grouchy, bad-tempered, prophet of Judea, dropped in the middle of a Forgotten spot in the Levant by providence, Poor but filled with vigor, End up being the Jewish trickster figure?
And then he basically says it’s because Elijah just can’t be satisfied, he didn’t even die, he stayed alive and just disappeared into the sky out of sheer annoyance at the unsatisfactory nature of existence and he will be clumping around the world forever, glaring at things and yelling at people, until the messiah comes
i’m elijah tbh
No but this is the best thing
I once read that Elijah’s central angst is that all the other Jews of his generation are abandoning religion or being killed and he is worried he’ll be the last one left in a dying religion (by the way, The Last Jew is a common Jewish angst trope in the 21st century as well) – see, for example, “the children of Israel have forsaken Thy covenant, thrown down Thine altars, and slain Thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away”, 1 Kings 19:10. So, Elijah complains to God and God sentences him to appear at every brit milah and every Seder – the rituals that last beyond most others (I have friends who are militantly secular and they hold Seders with shellfish and ham on the table. They are still holding a Seder). Like, “You think you are the last Jew?! You will see every Jew being Jewish from now until the Messiah comes”
i feel like “i’m not even gonna die bc the world is so unsatisfying, im just gonna keep on trying to fix it for all fucking eternity” is the most intrinsically jewish thing and i love it
This is why I remain Jewish. Because the world is a mess…and we just need to roll up our sleeves and get to fucking work on it.
Elijah is the grumpy uncle who at first you have to invite to everything and then, he just…shows up. AT EVERYTHING. And nothing is good enough for him, things were better in the old days, these kids today have no respect, what is this swill, why don’t you have any good Judean wine…
And he just continues to come. Until finally, you just pour a drink for him out of reflex.
BRITISH EMPIRE: All right, fine, your stupid embargo worked. We won’t levy any more taxes-
AMERICAN COLONIES: Huzzah! Time to get drunk!
BRITISH EMPIRE: Except on tea.
AMERICAN COLONIES: What?
BRITISH EMPIRE: Get over it, it’s just tea. Seriously, where do you get this idea that you’re special and should never have to pay taxes? We hope that idea doesn’t go on to infect your political discourse centuries from now.
AMERICAN COLONIES: We’re not buying your stupid tea.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Are you being serious right now? What are you going to do, just stop drinking tea?
AMERICAN COLONIES: Yes. We’ll drink coffee.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Do you even know what that is?
AMERICAN COLONIES: No, but we’ve heard it’s good and we’re feeling surly.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Fine, whatever, we don’t even care what you do anymore.
BRITISH EAST INDIA COMPANY: Actually, we are pretty much bankrupt, so you need to make them drink the tea.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Oh, for—just drink the tea.
AMERICAN COLONIES: No.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Do it.
AMERICAN COLONIES: NO.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Drink it.
AMERICAN COLONIES: Fuck you.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Drink it or we’ll punch you in the face.
AMERICAN COLONIES: *Boston Tea Party*
BRITISH EMPIRE: What the hell?
AMERICAN COLONIES: We heard it was Indians.
BRITISH EMPIRE: That’s interesting, because we heard it was a bunch of colonists wearing paint and dressed in costumes that were remarkably similar to what a crowd of drunks who wanted to look like Indians would assemble if the only supplies they had were found in an alley behind a bar.
AMERICAN COLONIES: You get all types in Boston.
BRITISH EMPIRE: …*Coercive Acts*
AMERICAN COLONIES: Oh, it is ON.
Kimchi and Justice 