oh god now they’re saying that the Macedonian tomb isn’t Alexander’s or even someone from the royal family, it’s a funerary heroon (basically shrine) to Hephaestion, one of many the king ordered after his death, only this one has a tomb in it.
does this mean that Alexander buried him with enough pomp and circumstance that today’s archaeologists thought it might have been Alexander the Great himself
Depictions of hell are easy enough, after all- think of a horrible thing to do to someone, draw a scary monster doing that and home for tea! Describing a place so perfect you’d want to be there forever is a little harder- theologians and artists alike have spent their whole lives trying to capture heaven.
Peasants, on the other hand, spent most of their time starving, working really hard, and starving while working really hard, so their depictions of Heaven are quite straightforward. Also a bit odd. According to 14th century peasant folklore, heaven contained:
– Animals walking around preroasted with knives in them for easy butchery – Birds flying directly into your mouth to be eaten – Walls, floors and buildings made of cake – Rains of cheese – A total absence of snails – Four christmases a year – Naked nuns and monks – Angels paying you to drink – Communism AND – The chance to punch the local lord right in the face
It is good to be clear on what it is you want, I suppose.
It’s no secret Hamilton was hypersensitive, and out of the Founders by far had the most challenges under his belt. He only ever saw the dueling field twice (once as Laurens’s second in his duel with Charles Lee, and then as the principal against Burr).
Here’s a list of the people he challenged and for what reason:
Reverend William Gordon (1779) – Accused of wanting to overthrow the government
Aedanus Burke (1790) – Accused of lying
John Francis Mercer (1792-93) -Accused of buying government debt at inflated prices to help speculators
James Nicholson (1795) – Accused of being corrupt and a coward
Republican Party (1795) – Bad day
Maturin Livingston (1795 and 1796) – Accepted above challenge
James Monroe (1797) – Accused of speculation and slander
John Adams (1800) – Accused of everything, but specifically of being a member of a British faction
Ebenezer Purdy/George Clinton (1804) – Accused of plotting to put a son of George III on an American throne in exchange for Canada
Aaron Burr (1804) – Accused of character defamation through libel. Only instance where Hamilton did not initiate the challenge.
The James Monroe challenge got really close, and you know who helped squash it? BURR.
So largely thanks to Hamilton, queenitsy and I spent most of brunch giggling over a Founding Fathers boy band AU, because we are Very Cool. And now I really want this to be A Thing without having to write it:
(This is MY MASTERPIECE. Also Madison’s head fit onto Howie’s eerily well.)
They are called Revolution, of course.
George Washington is the original heartthrob of the band and the responsible one who breaks up fights and gets them places on time and stuff. He’s the only one who they all always get along with. He’s the oldest and he’s been in the business for a million years – he got his start on some weird MMC-esque sketch comedy/musical show on Disney or Nick when he was like nine, playing a character just called “the General.” People still call him that sometimes and bring it up in interviews and he’s very polite and gracious about it but privately he finds it very embarrassing. He has a steady girlfriend named Martha back home but is very private about it. The guys call him G-Dubs (“…and sometimes just Dubs. Wait, why did I just get choked up over that?” #WASHINGTONFEELZ)
Alexander Hamilton is the baby of the group at first, and very much George’s little brother – and then suddenly he hits puberty and everyone’s like “…whoa” and suddenly, surprise! The band has a new heartthrob! He’s a total prodigy and super charming but also constantly in the news for various scandals, flings, and unwise public statements. He loves G-Dubs SO MUCH YOU GUYS.
Thomas “TJ” Jefferson is kind of the laid-back dreamer of the group. He keeps a dream journal and frequently tries to turn its contents into songs, which are sometimes brilliant (“Declaration” was #1 on the charts for seventy-six weeks) and sometimes bananas (no one liked “Virginia” except Madison, TJ, and did you forget you’re not in a country band?). Smokes a lot of pot.
John Adams is no one’s favorite member of the band but probably the hardest-working of all of them and actually has the most solos. He has a steady girlfriend back home too, Abby, and is actually pretty public about it, but because he’s not that popular she doesn’t really deal with any shit from the fandom. (Mostly she’s written as the wise best friend/matchmaker in fic, either getting the Mary Sue protagonist together with her guy of choice, or aggressively shipping the fic’s main slash pairing, which is usually the extremely random and based-entirely-on-hotness pairing of Alex/TJ. There is a small but fierce contingent of John/TJ shippers and Abby finds it actively hilarious and will read choice bits aloud to John just to watch him turn red and start spluttering.) He and Alex get into a lot of screaming matches, even when they agree, and George is like “Just let them work it out, let’s go hang out on the other tour bus and talk about Virginia” to the other two. Also, he and TJ are best friends even though they disagree about absolutely everything.
James “Jimmy” Madison is the one everyone forgets about. He’s surprisingly indispensable – he misses a concert once because he has laryngitis and it’s their worst performance ever – but still no one really cares. He loves TJ the most and is very hurt that TJ actually considers John his best friend.
Also:
Benjamin Franklin is their manager. He knows everyone in the industry but otherwise he’s mostly useless as anything except a source of incoherent folksy witticisms. George does all the actual planning.
Lafayette is their weird French pop star opening act. Alex and TJ fight over who he likes better.
Laurens is Alex’s paid best friend who he might be sleeping with, no one’s really sure.
The Schuyler Sisters are a very successful girl group and Alex has a high-profile relationship with Eliza and eventually marries her. That does not put a stop to the scandals, including the rumor that he’s sleeping with Angelica (he’s not, but only because she wouldn’t do that to Eliza).
Aaron Burr was a member of the band but quit early on when he decided they were going nowhere fast. They basically became massive successes the next day and he’s never quite gotten over it (and his solo career is nowhere near their level of fame). He and Alex are constantly publicly sniping at each other.
The band eventually breaks up when George decides he is 32 and tired of being in a boy band/performing in general. (Alex sobs when George refuses to be convinced otherwise.) They think for like 30 seconds that they might be able to keep going but then John and TJ have an enormous knock-down, drag-out fight and literally don’t speak to each other for twelve years (historical fact!). Alex proceeds to alienate literally everyone (well, he patches things up with G-Dubs pretty quickly, and Ben is inalienable (HA!) because he literally doesn’t care what these children do), then engages in several very public flame-outs before pulling together a respectable solo career. TJ focuses on songwriting and Jimmy becomes a very successful producer; they work together a lot. George and John both retire from performing completely and are happily domestic.
Years later, TJ and Aaron are both up for some award and Alex is very public in his support for TJ, which surprises everyone because the bad blood between him and TJ is still going strong. TJ wins, Aaron blames Alex, and that year Alex says something sassy to Aaron on his way to present an award at the Grammys…and Aaron STRAIGHT UP TACKLES HIM ONSTAGE and they get into a SUPER VIOLENT FIST FIGHT and it takes security a good 15 minutes to pull them apart. BEST GRAMMYS EVER.
Years after that, TJ and John are photographed having dinner together and everyone LOSES THEIR SHIT because OMG IS REVOLUTION GETTING BACK TOGETHER??? And they’re like “What? This is not a big deal.” BUT IT IS A VERY BIG DEAL.
(and then, idk, they found a record label called United Songs of America or something, who cares, LET’S TALK MORE ABOUT THE SILLY PANTS THEY WEAR DURING THEIR FIRST TOUR)
Please go pitch this to everyone in LA. I would watch the absolute fuck out of this car crash.
Kimchi and Justice 