>be in ancient athens 5th century bc >be a bard at a popular joint >be playing my lyre and rocking those sweet tunes >some asshole keeps telling me to play some homer like a sellout >mainstream.vaseart >try to ignore him but he keeps shouting >finally give up and tell him that i’ll do him one better and play him the tale of bophades and his testicles >man looks at me like i’ve just spoken the sphinx’s riddle >asks me who in hades bophades is and why his testicles are important >’you mean you haven’t heard about bophades’ nuts?’ >man breaks my lyre and goes on a rampage >city of athens votes for me to be ritually ostracized for 10 years for causing chaos >mfw
I LEARNED RECENTLY THAT PLATO WON THE GOLD MEDAL IN THE OLYMPICS FOR WRESTLING THREE TIMES. THIS PUTS A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON THINGS. I ALWAYS IMAGINED PLATO TO BE FRAIL AND MISSHAPEN BUT HE MUST HAVE BEEN FRICKEN RIPPED. I WONDER IF ARISTOTLE EVER FELT ANXIETY ABOUT GETTING PHYSICALLY (I.E. NOT JUST METAPHYSICALLY) DISMANTLED BY PLATO. PLATO WAS PROBABLY PISSED OFF BY AT LEAST A HANDFUL OF QUESTIONS ARISTOTLE ASKED HIM. ARISTOTLE WAS A LITERAL GENIUS TOO. IMAGINE PLATO LECTURING AND WRITING ON A BLACKBOARD AND ARISTOTLE THROWING A COMMENT OUT THERE ABOUT SOME COMPLEX MISSTEP IN PLATO’S LOGIC AND PLATO’S CHALK JUST SNAPS AND ARISTOTLE’S TESTICLES SUCK WAY BACK UP TO WHERE THEY DROPPED FROM, THEN PLATO IN A BLUR APPEARS BESIDE ARISTOTLE SITTING AT HIS DESK AND HE PICKS HIM UP AND SUPLEXES HIS MACEDONIAN ASS.
given the content of a lot of Plato’s conclusions I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Plato responded to a lot of reasonable criticisms with “Fight me” and that was the end of it.
We’re not actually sure whether Plato is his real name! Some people speculate that, because Platon means “broad” in Greek, this was actually his wrestling nick name. Basically, it’s like Dwayne Johnson became a famous philosopher and everyone still called him “The Rock”.
Can we have a movie about Plato starring Dwayne Johnson?
You can’t convince me that wouldn’t be the best thing ever.
I didn’t know I needed this until now. If someone can write a decent screenplay, and we get enough people to talk about it, maybe he’ll actually see it and we can kickstart the shit out of it
Plato’s name is literally just the Ancient Greek for ‘Swol’ how is this the real life
unsuspecting catholic: is this a mortal sin or just a venial sin? Is it a mortal sin to be okay with doing a venial sin? what if I die tomorrow?
Martin Luther, stepping out from the shadows: it’s all mortal sin
catholic: all bad deeds are mortal sins?
Martin Luther: bad deeds, good deeds
catholic: good deeds are mortal sins??
Martin Luther: no time to explain. it’s not safe here. I–
John Calvin: descends shrieking from the ceiling
idk how anyone could find renaissance history boring. raphael was italy’s biggest playboy and died b/c he got a fever from having too much sex and wouldn’t tell the doctors the cause. michelangelo was a bitter and angry old man who took to mocking others like da vinci publicly, and da vinci himself was the world’s worst procrastinator and never finished anything.
So back in the 1780′s when our country was still figuring crap out and ol’ George Washington was just elected president, G.W. decided to send a letter to Congress along the lines of ‘Looking forward to working with you all, this will be exciting!” Congress, not wanting to slight the president and also trying to express their own enthusiasm, sent back a letter along the lines of “Glad you’re excited, we are also looking forward to working with you!”
Then George sends another letter back saying something like “Cool cool bros, glad you’re just as excited as I am,” and Congress, again not wanting to be awkward or just ignore the PRESIDENT, sent back ANOTHER letter saying some dumb crap that was probably along the lines of “Glad you’re excited that we’re excited that you’re excited.”
Democracy at its finest.
And while this in itself is funny, that is not even the best part.
George Washington, while being powerful, was not extremely eloquent, and at this point was also aging, busy, and overall very stressed about his new position (which he did not want in the first place). So he asked his old friend James Madison, who had a much better way with words, to write the first note to Congress. Good old James Madison, wanting to oblige his friend, did just that and composed the note to Congress. Now, J-Mads was himself a member of Congress, so when the note arrived, he was in session to hear “Washington’s” letter read.
Congress got nervous and worried about who could possibly compose a formal and acceptable letter back to Washington. Who better than his old friend, James Madison? So Jimmy, being obliging, wrote the response. When Washington received the reply, he once again asked his friend to write the response.
And who did Congress choose to write their final letter? That’s right….none other than Jimmy-James-Madison himself.
So James Madison, future 4th president of the United States, wrote himself 4 letters under the guise of George Washington and the first Congress of the U.S. And he was too embarrassed to admit it.
catfish of the millenium
i’m crying. this is too good that it’s making me kind of sob a little
Image found in a file folder in the historical society archives, under
“Miscellaneous.” Other items filed under “Miscellaneous” include
numerous manuals for appliances, somebody’s tax return (you know who you
are), an extremely moldy grilled cheese sandwich and a birdhouse
completely covered in duct tape.
The birdhouse was removed and filed more safely. The sandwich was thrown away.
I’ve worked in museums. This is not fanciful. In one memorable museum my fellow assistant curator and I found a pallet full of boxes of auctioned US government surplus brownie mix (expired), two palettes of white painters’ pants (size medium), several foot lockers full of summer dresses with handwritten labels pinned inside them reading “Mostly Useless”, artifacts wrapped in bizarre packing material including used lunch bags and used tissues, and a box of random office supplies that included an old, flat, dead toad someone had obviously peeled off a parking lot.
Twenty years on and I still have no idea what constitutes a mostly useless summer dress.
I cannot even tell you how much joy that fills me with.
Kimchi and Justice 