Tag: omfg

When did you lost your virginity?

metvmorqhoses:

lady bracknell, i admit with shame that I do not know. i only wish i did. the plain facts of the case are these: on the morning of the day you mention, a day that is for ever branded on my memory, i prepared as usual to take my virginity out in its perambulator. i had also with me a somewhat old, but capacious hand-bag in which i had intended to place the manuscript of a work of fiction that i had written during my few unoccupied hours. in a moment of mental abstraction, for which i never can forgive myself, i deposited the manuscript in the basinette, and placed the virginity in the hand-bag. and i left it, god forgive me, in the cloakroom of one of the larger railway stations in london. victoria.. the brighton line. i lived for that regret ever since. i would never forgive myself. 

realism

erin-space-goat:

“soft” sci-fi

SPACE GUY 1: We gotta shoot the enemy mans
SPACE GUY 2: Yeah lets do it let me grab my Cool Gun

hard sci-fi

SPACE GUY 1: Sir we just saw the enemy mans’ bigbad fleet leave orbit through our telescopes. What do we do?
SPACE GUY 2: Johnson my man… let me tell you about my days in the Space War of 26669. Now the Badguys, they were pounding us hard with their Weapons. But then we figured something out. Something that’d read like an extremely basic exploitation of an obvious trick of high school physics, or a page of strategy adapted from the Wikipedia articles on United States military tactics. Humans climbed trees when we were monkeys because we dreamed about flying in space and we were born to own every planet in the universe. Let me tell you about Ron Paul and why our space station runs on the gold standard.

frostymiku:

gukju:

i had a long and vivid dream where i accidentally invited the ghost of alexander hamilton into my house and he just sort of followed me around and scoffed at my essay writing and eventually i tried to hire an exorcist but the exorcist turned out to be thomas jefferson and they got into a fistfight in my kitchen

everythig i remembered about us history got replaced with this

The Unofficial Rules of the Starship Enterprise

sansacinderellalily:

goldkirk:

1. The laws of physics are not challenges.

2. You may not test theories on each other. Not even the senior officers. Especially not the senior officers.

3. Do not feed any tribbles.

4. DO NOT FEED ANY TRIBBLES.

5. Tribbles are no longer allowed on the ship.

5a. Edit: Dr. McCoy and First Officer Spock may use a tribble when absolutely necessary under dire circumstances only.

5b. Update: No crew member may ever have a tribble on the ship under any circumstances ever.

6. The ship is not sentient. The captain may not marry the ship, even if it’s only a joke. Neither may Mr. Scott.

7. We take it back. The ship is sentient. Respect her at all times.

8. Any non-standard maintenance (READ: modifications) to the ship MUST be approved by Starfleet and properly documented.

9. Even if the Captain would pretend not to notice them. Or wholeheartedly supports them. Or is the one doing them. 

9a. STOP MODIFYING THE DAMN SHIP, JIM.

10. Captain, Doctor McCoy is wise in his advice. I suggest you follow it before there are any…unfavorable consequences from the admirals in Starfleet Command.

10a. Spock, did you just threaten me?

10b. Negative, Captain. I merely wish to remind you of the upcoming ship inspections, as the last time Admiral Benett had to deal with the reports he was very adamant that our crew is no longer trusted to do our own quarterly inspections. Apparently too many of crew relationships are founded on “mutual propensities for non-strictly-regulation shenanigans.”

11. The illegal still in Engineering is—however appreciated—still illegal. No stills in Engineering, or anywhere else on the ship.

12. Alcohol from said still may not be sold for profit, especially outside of this crew. News of its existence cannot, under any circumstances, reach the admirals or their underlings. Or the engineering staff of other ships. Or the captains of other ships!

12a. NO ONE MAY SPEAK OF THE STILL DOWN IN ENGINEERING, EVEN TO OTHERS ON THIS SHIP.

13. The first rule of moonshine stills: You do not speak about the moonshine stills. Just shut up and drink the alcohol.

13a. With pleasure, sir!

14. Lieutenant Uhura would like to inform whoever modified and reprogrammed the universal translators that she looks forward to personally ripping out their vocal cords and using them to repair the damage she’s been forced to spend the last 34 hours fixing.

15. The captain would like to remind Lieutenant Uhura that insults said in other languages are still insults, and still unacceptable.

16. Lieutenant Uhura would like to remind the Captain that insults are acceptable when sufficiently deserved by certain farm hicks and that if they are not understood by the enemy party then there’s no harm done.

17. The Captain would like to remind Lieutenant Uhura that he is, contrary to what she may believe, a genius who does know more languages than he usually lets on, and no sentient being would appreciate being called a [expletive removed, by authority of Lieutenant Commander Spock] under any circumstances.

18. Lieutenant Commander Uhura would like to politely remind the Captain—

19. Lieutenant Commander Spock, with the authority of First Officer, hereby orders this conversation to be dropped immediately. It is unbecoming of senior officers, and frankly, quite childish. If the two parties wish to continue, they may do so on their own time in private quarters.

20. On a related note to yesterday’s spat, no one is allowed to place bets pitting senior officers against each other. Especially not the other senior officers.

21. Karaoke night is hereby banned forever from the Enterprise.

22. The Captain is not allowed to declare laser tag wars in the Jeffries tubes. Even if everyone involved enjoyed it.

23. Pig Latin is not an official language of the Federation, nor an acceptable method of communication when working on shift.

26. The shipwide broadcast system is not for playing favorite music while at warp in to “set the mood.”

27. Regulations are not “more like guidelines, anyway.” 

28. “What the admiralty doesn’t know…” is not a phrase that should precede any statement on this ship. 

28a. Somehow, every time it’s said, the admiralty inevitably does find out. Senior Command is investigating the possibility of a jinx on the phrase.

29. The Captain is not allowed to name any newly-discovered dinosaurs by himself. We cannot have seven separate species of Kirkosaurus.

30. The marriages that various crewmembers have been forced into via alien rituals on away missions are not valid. If you wish to be officially bound, you can do so the normal, legal way.

32. Starfleet has officially-established drill proceedures. They do not include laser tag, paintball, Mafia, or capture the flag.

33. The Captain is no longer allowed to eat, drink, touch flirt with, or look at any unknown substances on away missions.

34. It is a punishable offense to evade routine medical evaluations. 

34a. This includes you, Jim.

34b. Any and all crewmembers found to be assisting the Captain in hiding from Doctor McCoy are subject to official reprimand and the immediate restriction of all deserts from their meal card.

35. No member of the crew may walk within five feet of Lieutenant Sulu’s plants. Some of them can move, and some of them are extremely…territorial. 

36. Starfleet is not responsible for the consequences if you decide to play tag in the Jeffries Tubes, nor will you receive any sympathy for injuries sustained while doing so.

36a. Except maybe for Chekov.

37. There is no such thing as being “allergic to paperwork,” especially since paperwork is entirely digital and no longer on actual paper.

38. The captain may not declare Casual Fridays.

39. The Captain may not declare a “Space Pirate Day.”

40. Officer Spock may not mislead crew members into believing that he is still ignorant of common human idioms and expressions of speech. 

41. However illogical the captain is being, when logic fails to persuade him, it is still not acceptable to pick him up and physically move him.

42. FOR THE LAST TIME, JEFFRIES TUBES ARE NOT FOR PLAYING IN.

43. Shipwide games of Murder are not an accepted method of “team bonding.” No matter how much you try to argue that a common enemy brings people together, it won’t change the fact that organized serial murders—even fake ones—are not acceptable behavior on a starship.

I AM IN LOVE ALSO @bibliothekara I just :DDDD

@transhansolo