Me: So… did you have fun?
Kiddo: HELL YEAH!
Me: Awesome! What did you learn?
Kiddo: Do not try to kill ALL THE JEWS or they will spend SIX THOUSAND YEARS MAKING FUN OF YOUR HAT.
Me: *splutters laughing*
Sometimes I worry maybe I’m the friend that no one likes but they all think everyone else likes me, so they all hide it, but then someone confesses they hate me, and everyone else agrees, and they team up to all stab me in the back 23 times at the Senate on the Ides of March
i have found that this is a perfectly valid concern
the adhd x anxiety x depression love triangle is called comorbidshipping
anxiety and depression are childhood friends and anxiety is in love with depression but then adhd the new transfer student takes depression’s heart. not that depression will admit that because depression is going to be a tsundere
Romeo and Juliet: For never was a story of more woe/ Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
Julius Caesar: For never was a story of more blood and guts/ Than this of Rome and her Julius.
Othello: For never was a story with more calling an innocent lady a ho/ Than this of Desdemona and her Othello
Macbeth: For never was a story of more death/ Than this of Lord and Lady Macbeth.
Titus Andronicus: For never was a story more ludicrous/ Than this of Titus Andronicus
Richard III: For never was a story of less chill/ Than this of Richard and those he killed
King Lear: For never was a story more weird/ Than this of three girls and their dad, King Lear
Antony and Cleopatra: For never was a story of dying in more agony/ Than this of Cleopatra and her Antony
Coriolanus: For never was a story of more gayness/ Than this of Aufidius and his Coriolanus
Hamlet: For never was a story more overblown/ Than this of Prince Hamlet and the Danish throne.
I’m suddenly laughing at the idea of a cliche noir detective story written in the brutally concise style of Hemingway.
A woman walked into my office. She had legs. I noticed her legs. “I have a problem. I need your help,” she said. They always said that. I knew her legs weren’t the problem. I hoped she might want my help with them anyhow.
“Can you pay?” I asked. Of course she could. Her shoes were worth more than my rent. She could pay. “I can pay,” she said. Her eyes were wet. I wondered if anything else was wet. Probably not. I am not handsome. Not since the war. She was looking at my scar. Lots of people do. Most look away. Not her. She did not look away. She looked at my scar and I looked at her legs. There were two of them. I liked that about her. I liked that a whole lot. “Will there be danger?” I asked. There always is. This city bleeds danger, then drinks it right back up again.
“I’m afraid there might be danger,” she said. She had the voice of a beautiful woman. She also had the face and body of a beautiful woman. She was beautiful.
The light from the window was striped. It made stripes on my cigarette smoke. The end of my cigarette crumbled into ash. My marriage had also crumbled into ash.
“I can handle danger,” I said. I patted the butt of my gun. My gun was a Colt. My gun and my scar were all that was left from my time as a soldier. My gun, my scar, and the nightmares. I looked her up and down. “I am good at handling things.”
Fun fact: According to Greek legend there was a famous prostitute who managed to avoid a death sentence by showing the judges her boobs and arguing that it would be a crime against the Gods to destroy something so beautiful.
Before you ask, yes there are paintings of this. And yes, they’re amazing.
No, but this is one of my absolute favorite bits of history!
The courtesan named was named Phryne and she was indeed a renowned beauty, and was indeed was put on trial for a capital crime. And yes, the sum of her defense consisted of her stripping in court (helped by her lover/defendant) and asking the jury (all males) if they were prepared to destroy this.
But this is actually a very interesting case of Values Dissonance – the capital crime she was accused of was blasphemy. In Ancient Greek society, exceptional beauty was a sign of favor from the gods, and they took the idea that beauty indicated goodness with great seriousness. They even called their nobles Kaloi k’Agathoi, “the Beautiful and the Good.”
So by showing off her great physical beauty, Phryne was being very clever indeed, her argument essentially being “How could I possibly commit blasphemy if the gods have given me this body?“
Kimchi and Justice 