or rather things to do to him in a few years

yournewfriendshouse:

katastrophic-kitten:

im-an-octopus:

im-an-octopus:

im-an-octopus:

im-an-octopus:

im-an-octopus:

im-an-octopus:

im-an-octopus:

im-an-octopus:

So i’m moving out on my own soon and my dad wants to make sure i know how to cook and he just called me downstairs and threw an apron at me and was like “WELCOME TO CHOPPED”

Ok my mystery ingredients are: canned potatoes, frozen spinach, frozen green beans, and tilapia

And he shoved them all under a cake platter so he could do a dramatic reveal

He keeps referring to himself as Tim Allen and idk if he’s trying to be funny or if he is just confused as to what Ted Allen’s name is

HE JUST YELLED “SUDDEN DEATH” AND PULLED A BAG OF WALNUTS OUT JFC DAD TED ALLEN WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO ME

Alright so we’re doing Walnut Crusted Tilapia on a Bed of Spinach with a side of Microwaved Green Beans and Canned Potatoes. Gourmet cooking at its finest.

He has been narrating everything I’ve done and whenever I’m about to fuck up he runs to the kitchen table and pretends to be a judge like “Interesting choice preheating the oven to 300°…I’d do it to 350°”

My dad told me I only have three minutes left but I think he said that three minutes ago so idk if he’s serious? IDKIDKIDK EVERYTHING IS A BLUR RN AND I HAVENT EVEN PLATED WHAT AM I DOING ON TUMBLR

Ok so apparently “throwing things on the plate in a panic” isn’t plating, but it tasted really good. Also, I didn’t get chopped, but my dog did because she wouldn’t stop barking at the neighbor.

I feel so accomplished and idk I think I’m ready for the actual show keep an eye out for me, guys

@sewer-druid

This is actually such great dadding