Morporkia! Morporkia! a discworld series – part 2/?
marianne jean-baptiste as commander vimes
This is a casting that can work in my head. I suppose the only thing is that my head-character has much more gray & wrinkles by the time she’s a duchess.. That said, I greatly prefer changing that image in favor of a greater percentage of Vimes’ life spent alongside Sibyl.
Welcome to film. For the next two hours, explosion and kiss. Phone is unpleasant to the fellow dreampassengers. Eat the tortured corn please.
Decor aesthetic goal for my future home: “the village witch lives here, but she’s a good witch. probably. we think.”
honestly if you’re a secret government organisation dealing with paranormal activity, the worst thing you could do is swan about in trenchcoats with beeping gadgets. what you want is a website (terrible layout, cursor turns into a ufo, x-files theme automatically plays in the background) that loudly proclaims that you are all government-issue paranormal investigators, no really, you are. you want DRAMATIC ARTICLES in ALL CAPS asking if your cousin’s dog could be an alien. nobody would believe you for a second, so you could get on with the real business of protecting the prime minister from rogue Blorgoxicons or whatever.
adding to this, stop hiring charismatic men in dramatic coats who are good at shooting things. if you are in the states (as i know from my constant surveillance of american tv shows), you can’t spit without hitting one. they are OVERRATED. hire linguists! biologists! diplomats! make sure you don’t accidentally start an intergalactic war by offering a giant slugperson a cuppa!
I mean, yes!
But if it were me, I’d just issue all my employees overalls and a hardhat. People will ignore anyone in overalls and a hardhat.
“All of the chairs in the room just levitated!”
“Maintenance problem, ma’am. Just let us look into it and it should be back to normal in a few days.”
“No one notices a sweeper.” – annotations by the learned Lu-tse to The Way of Mrs Cosmopilite, 3 Quirm Street, Ankh-Morpork (Rooms for Rent: Very Reasonable)
[This is literally the way Lu-tse pulls off 95% of his Amazing Instances of Saving the World. He’s a little man and he carries a broom: nobody notices little men sweeping up all over the place.]
How exactly does one ‘misplace the Antichrist’?!
Sincerely,
Someone who is about to read Good Omens and read the back
One word: Nuns.
All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!
Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
(via gatheringbones)
This quote right here, which I read years before I read one of his novels literally and I say this with no poetic liberty, saved my life. I repeat it to myself constantly to this day.
(via hymnandher)
It’s the activist rallying cry. I will protect my people. No force of magic is stronger than my selfishness, stronger than my power to defend and defy.
(via glintglimmergleam)
RIP Terry Pratchett. We need more writers like you.
(via jessicalprice)
I totally forgot that discworld trolls have a base-many number system (i.e., one two three many, many-one many-two many-three many-many)
like?? this means their version of 100 is what we would call 16 (they call it “lots”!)
So like
1 2 3 many
many1 many2 many3 many-many
many-many1 many-many2 many-many3 many-many-many
many-many-many1 many-many-many2 many-many-many3 lots
and then….??
lots1 lots2 lots3 lots-many
lots-many1 lots-many2 lots-many3 lots-many-many
lots-many-many1….. etc…
so they must have numbers like:
lots-many-many-many-2 (I think this would be 30??)
2lots (32)
2lots-many-1 (37?)
many-lots (64)
many-lots-many-many-3 (75? I think?)
their version of 1000 (lots x lots) would be 256!
Sin, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.
Vimes wakes up in the shadow of a barricade and immediately assumes the worst. But then it turns out this Enjolras lad’s got all the good parts of Ned Coates and Reg Shoe with very little of the bad, and his second-in-command reminds him a little of Dr. Lawn, and it’s funny, but he gets the feeling this revolution might work out after all.
Javert, meanwhile, finds himself drawn quite against his will into a discussion of the finer points of the law with one Captain Ironfoundersson…
(You can blame this thread for the nonsense above! Don’t ask me how the timeline works, it went all wibbly-wobbly for comedic purposes, okay. ALSO LOOK, A CROSSOVER THAT DOESN’T END IN TEARS!)
OMFG I HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH I NEEDED THIS IN MY LIFE AWWW YISSSSSS
Bringing this back because of reasons
*cackles* Nobody is dying on Vimes’ watch. He’ll probably arrest the damn firing line.
He is, however, perfectly willing to fuck with time and reality.
And also steal your infants.
He didn’t steal anything. She literally asked him to take the baby. Don’t make him the bad guy just because she was a shitty sister.
I think you are severely misinformed as to how baby ownership works.
It was not her baby to give.
David Bowie is unquestionably the villain.
Which do you think existed first, modern custody legislature, or the goblin king?
The girl was entrusted by her parents with the care and custody of the child. By the laws governing the goblin king and his transactions, the girl was the current rightful owner of the child and made a deal with the king to take the child. Perhaps you’re not familiar with english folklore. Fae have rules, they’re tricksters, they can be sneaky, but they never break the rules.
Slammin’ it down in the Labyrinth fandom tonight, kids.
Wait a minute, though, you don’t need modern custody legislation to say that it wasn’t her baby to give away. I’m pretty sure that throughout human history parents have distinguished between “Watch this baby for a minute” and “This baby is yours now, do as you will with it, feel free to trade it to goblins or whatever.”
“Who is ultimately responsible for this infant?” is probably one of the first things we answered as a species.
also JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING SHITTY DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE JUSTIFIED IN DOING IT WHAT THE HELL. making rules about how to take advantage of people doesn’t mean you’re suddenly A Good Guy if you follow them. Conscientiously giving people what they ask for when you KNOW it’s not actually what they want (or what’s good for them) is one of the definitions of villainy, IMO.*
*Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.
No one ever said elves are nice.
Elves are bad.
-Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
Kimchi and Justice 