such-heights:

multiheaded1793:

raggedjackscarlet:

So, in a little town in Nowheresville, USA, there’s a river that’s about to flood, and needs to be quickly dammed.

The local college sends three professors: a structural engineer, a chemical engineer, and a literary critic.

the structural engineer suggests building a concrete dam to stem the river, and the mayor calls in a construction company to do the job.

a week later, the dam is completed, but in a few days the river’s current becomes more intense, and the dam crumbles.

next, the chemical engineer suggests adding a gelatin solution to the river, to solidify the whole thing.

the mayor calls in a favor with a multinational chemical company, and they deliver a half ton of customized gelatinizing solution.

they add it to the river near the source, and the whole river turns to gelatin.

but a few days later, the current of the river becomes even stronger, and the water pressure at the source starts to break the gelatin apart

Then, out of nowhere, an awful thunderstorm appears over the town. the heavy rain starts to make the river flood.

In a last ditch attempt, the literary critic steps up to the river bank

he coughs softly, purses his lips, takes a momentary glance at his fingernails, and says “I suppose this river is… adequate.”

and suddenly the flooding stops.

The two other professors rush to the critic’s side and ask “How the hell did you stop the river from flooding?”

and the critic replies, “Simple. I dammed it with faint praise.”

MOTHERFUCKER

I just went into the bedroom to read this out to my wife. She wordlessly pulled the duvet over her head.