✥ i just discovered that you can buy vibrators at the airport, but while i was trying to load my bag into the overhead compartment on the plane, it fell out and landed right in your lap. how am i supposed to spend the next four hours sitting next to you and not die of embarrassment???
✥ the guy at the sex store told me that my new dildo was dishwasher safe and you’re my poor, traumatized roommate
✥ for some reason i thought it would be fun to wear a wireless vibrator in public, but now i’ve lost the remote (option a. i know we don’t know each other well, but please help me find it before someone else does! or b. you’ve found it and are trying to figure out what it does)
✥ the classic “i’m stuck, please come over and help me asap”
✥ you’re my neighbor, but the UPS guy keeps delivering your packages to me and wow, you buy a lot of sex toys
✥ the fox/wolf/other animal tail for my halloween costume looks weird and i can’t figure out how i’m supposed to attach it. help?
✥ i’m sexually awkward and my friends dared me to go into this sex shop and you’re the employee politely trying to help me, but oh my god what the fuck even is that???
✥ i’m the super macho, stereotypical top type of person, but i actually love bottoming and i’m not sure how to tell you that (particularly because you seem to be really enthusiastic about bottoming yourself), but oh look, you’ve found my extensive collection of butt plugs
✥ this sculpting class is the bane of my existence and for the final project (where i’m supposed to use a non-clay medium) i’m going to troll my teacher and make a bunch of silicone dildos. will you donate your dick to my cause?
✥ i’m helping you move and just found all your bdsm gear
I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:
Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.
Think about it.
Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.
Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.
They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.
Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.
The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.
but have you considered: magical familiars that are also service animals
big shaggy mobility dogs with too-intelligent eyes and runes rippling under their skin
handsome ravens that ride on the back of your wheelchair, picking up dropped keys and pens, pushing buttons, helping you mix your potions
snarky talking cats (who may or may not be ancient demons) that demand to be carried on your shoulder and criticize your spellwork but also lick you and purr when you’re disassociating or alert you to incoming mania
What if people with cybernetic limbs in stories treated them the same way we do headphones or USB extensions?
They’ll be sitting down, letting their implants charge, before deciding they need to get more food from the kitchen, standing up and walking away, but forgetting to unplug themselves and landing on their back from the jerk-back or sending their laptops crashing to the floor.
Or have them grow increasingly frustrated as they have to constantly flip the usb charge plug because it wouldn’t fit the first 2 times
That feeling when you wake up and your arm doesn’t work because you forgot to plug it in before bed, so you need to drive to work one-handed while you charge it on your cigarette lighter.
But what if the princess was in the tower because she was the dragon?
Like the queen gives birth and oops it’s this adorable little scaley lizard with tiny wings that she can never quite seem to fold right
None of the King’s advisors or doctors can explain it, no one can remember anyone who might have cursed the royal family, plus sire she’s clearly yours still I mean look at those eyes
They just kind of accept it and keep her in a tower so no one tries to slay her
The queen or castle servants reading bedtime stories to the toddler princess, who’s made a nest of her favorite toys and some jewelery she stole off her mother, and when she laughs little puffs of smoke come out of her mouth
The king being so proud when she flies across the room for the first time
And once the princess comes of age, confused knights breaking into the tower to find a twenty foot long dragon sitting at the vanity getting her horns polished by her handmaidens
friendly reminder that dana scully was born in 1964, clarice starling was born in 1963, and both of them attended the FBI academy in Quantico probably around the same time.
the only logical conclusion i can draw from this is that they probably dated at one point
Seriously. Because I have an idea for one, and I want to see whether I can make it work. I don’t know if I can find an artist who’d be interested in collaborating on it, but if I can, I have some ideas on how to fund it. I just want to see enough people would be interested in it.
Surely I can’t be the only one who’s tired of the idea that the apocalypse would wipe out all disabled people because we couldn’t possibly survive.
let me put it straight. disabled people are way way way way WAY less likely to survive in the unlikely event of an apocalypse. it’s already extremely unlikely for ANYONE to survive to begin with. and then someone who already faces difficulties in our modern world with all its accomodations? hard to imagine.
so i hope for you that your story is so damn good and clever that it could work. otherwise it’S just garbage that lives on the suspension of disbelief the reader brings with him. and that is no basis for any good story.
Do you even have the first clue what a disability is? I’m asking, because you seem to be a very ignorant sort of person. Allow me to educate you a little.
“…our modern world with all its accomodations[sic]…” Bwahahaha! You silly, silly able-bodied person, you. What accommodations? You think the occasional wheelchair ramp and some IEPs count as accommodations? You have no idea. The modern world is already hugely inaccessible to disabled people. We’re used to it.
I bet you think “survival of the fittest” means survival of the strongest, the fastest, all of that, don’t you? But it doesn’t. It means survival of the most adaptable. You think you’re automatically more capable of surviving than people who have to adapt every single day of their lives to an inaccessible world? Do you even biology, bro?
Life has survived apocalypses on this planet before. The Permian-Triassic extinction event killed 70% of all terrestrial vertebrates and 96% of all marine life. Yet here we stand, because life did survive. And it isn’t the big, strong gorgonopsids that we descend from. They didn’t make it. Nope, it was the tiny diictodon. Diictodon, a creature little bigger than a chihuahua, that could burrow to survive the elements. In fact, it’s possible that diictodon, like modern lagomorphs, could sever tree roots as a source of water. They survived because they could adapt to the harsh changes in their environment. Not because they were the strongest or the fastest.
The Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction (otherwise known as that thing that killed the non-avian dinosaurs) took out three-quarters of all plant and animal life on earth. And yet again, here we stand. And the reason for that is because there was life that could adapt, and once again, it wasn’t the biggest or the strongest. Why do you think avian dinosaurs (more commonly known as birds) are the only ones who survived? Because yeah, birds have some traits that make them very suited to survival, but odds are all dinosaurs had these traits. Yet all of the non-avian ones are gone.
A combination of factors played into this. Many non-avian dinosaurs were far too large and specialized. Their strength and speed were no longer advantages after Chicxulub laid waste and the world began to deteriorate. And yeah, the birds had the advantage of flying, but that wasn’t the only thing. Birds were small, and they’d taken over a very important niche. As pterosaurs evolved, they grew from small flying insectivores to large, ground-stalking carnivores. They overspecialized into that niche, while birds started sitting pretty in the niche the pterosaurs left behind: Small, flying insectivores. Notably, it wasn’t just birds that survived, but most of what did survive was small, and thus in need of less energy than those big strong creatures that are gone now.
And why do you think it’s Homo sapiens that stands as the dominant hominid today? By all accounts, Neanderthals were actually stronger, faster, and smarter than us. Yet here we stand. Of course, modern science shows that to some degree, at least, Neanderthals were bred into Homo sapiens. But we still had an advantage over them. Being smaller, we needed less food for energy. A few bad years food-wise would knock down the Neanderthal population far more than it would the Homo sapiens one. For all we were not as big or as strong or as fast, we had an advantage in hard times.
Now tell me, taking all of that, why able-bodied and neurotypical people, who spend their lives sitting comfortably in their overspecialized niches, should be so very much better suited to survival to those of us who spend each and every day adapting?
Maybe it’s because you think we’re all bed-ridden and helpless? Newsflash: Disabilities come in many, many types. Maybe you think none of us can survive without modern medicine? Newsflash: Not only do many of us already survive without access to care that would make our lives easier, but the standards of modern medicine also illegalize substances like marijuana, which has been shown to be effective on disabilities ranging from glaucoma and fibromyalgia to ADHD and bipolar disorder. Legal narcotics aren’t the only effective ones, they’re just the only legal ones. Maybe you think none of us have any sort of useful skills? Or that we aren’t strong enough to protect ourselves? You go ahead and fuck with this guy after the apocalypse, see how far that gets you.
Yeah, a lot of people wouldn’t survive an apocalypse. That’s part of the point of post-apocalyptic fiction, dude. But we make up one seventh of this world’s population and yet you think all one billion of us would go down simply because of your ignorant preconceptions?
Pfft. Please. We’ve survived you assholes for millennia. We have the same chances of survival as you do and we’re more used to adapting.
also, we’re talking about surviving an apocalypse
even if a lot of people started able-bodied
tons of them would have disabilities by the end
I don’t know if I would *read* it, because I might just get too depressed that I’m obviously not among the disabled people who’s going to survive. (Totally agree that disability isn’t one thing and that *of course* some disabled people would survive. But I need prescription medication to absorb nutrients from food. Not gonna work.) But I’m definitely in support of such a thing existing, and would likely pay for it and then just not read it.
I couldn’t read it, but I would make my sighted friends read it to me.
Cartinelli or Stegginelli headcanon. They play Scrabble, constantly arguing over Brit versus American spelling. Angie throws tiles at Peggy when she gets too frustrated. Peggy says she’s being bloody childish. Tries to get Angie to quit throwing things at her. This inevitably leads to a ruined board, letters all over the floor, and sex.
If Steve’s there, he tries to stay neutral for as long as he can, but usually ends up taking Angie’s side. Peggy complains about immature Yankees being a nuisance, deliberately trashing the board because she was clearly going to win. They still play Scrabble. Angie says that if Peg can use Brit words, she can use Italian. Which backfires, because then all languages become fair game, and Peggy knows way more than Steve or Angie.
Steve has the most unfortunate luck of only getting tiles that are curses, lewd, flirtatious, or rude. No, really: it’s the tiles. Everything just comes out completely R-rated and he is banned from playing around kids.
All the holies protect them if they start playing something like Monopoly…
“Dammit, Steve, you can’t have Broadway, it’s mine!” Angie growls and tackles Steve, who almost forgets to fall down. Peggy leans away from flailing limbs and a blizzard of small plastic houses and luridly fake money.
Kimchi and Justice 