“they couldn’t make the Maximoffs Jewish because they can’t make any reference to Magneto”
did u kno…. magneto is not the only jewish person in the world……
this is bullshit all my jewish friends are related to magneto
It’s true I am
Me too
also me
ok so I’ve been holding back but I need to tell you I too am related to magneto because I am jewish so
I feel like I need to step in here and clarify that not every Jewish person is related to Magneto.
Basically, all Jews can be divided into four groups based on tribal ancestry: Cohenim, Levites, Israelites, and Magnetoim. Halachically, only Jews who are descended from Magneto through the paternal line are Magnetoim, although you can become a Magnetoim through marriage. For example, my mother’s family are Levites, but because my paternal grandfather wasn’t Jewish, I was, for most of my life, an Israelite. However, my husband is a Magnetoim, so now I am, as well. When we have children, they will also be Magnetoim.
I hope that explains everything!
Also, if you are a non-genetically Jewish adoptee adopted by Jewish parents OR a genetically Jewish adoptee adopted by non-Jewish parents you’re automatically a Magnetoim. It’s a little known Halachic quirk.
Yeah, the Halacha on this is really wonky, because while adoptees automatically fall under the umbrella of Magnetoim, Gerim are usually designated as Israelites, unless they possess the ability to bend metal at will, in which case, they are halachically Magnetoim by default.
Yup! I remember hearing a d’var Torah on this a few years back. It’s really interesting!
So, uh, what about ethnic Jewish people who can trace their metalbending back to a Bei Fong on the gentile side of their family?
I think it depends on which side you’re inheriting your ability to control metal from. Jewishness is derived from the mother, while lineage is derived from the father. So it depends on a) if the Bei Fong converted, b) if they were male or female and c) if that side of your family it maternal or paternal.
A ger Bei Fong father on the paternal side would mean that you’re inheriting Magnetoim lineage (see above, re: gerim with the ability to control metal). On the other hand the Halacha is a little confused if the metal-control is not inherited from a Jewish parent, because a non-Jewish father usually makes you Israelite by default.
It IS possible to be an Israelite with metal control abilities– although, IIRC, many such modern Jews of liberal bent feel free to identify as Magnetoim out of solidarity. Some conservative Jews frown on that practice because it confuses lineage and might complicate the situation if we ever end up with a new Holy Temple.
@lauraantoniou I believe this is relevant to your interests?
Oh, yes, of course I’m Magnetoim. With a
Sephardi twist. In addition to having a different secret language, the Sephardi Magnetoim have the ability to manipulate kitniyot 8 days a year.
The moon needs some kinky Sephardim like me and @ariminak !
Is it possible to convert on the moon or will I have to convert before joining the colony?
oh heck, there’s a thought. how’re we going about building our mikveh? i’d advise finalising your conversion on earth for simplicity’s sake but this needs serious consideration. we might need to rethink some thinks. martian colony, perhaps?
there’s water on neptune, right? just build a really really long pipe. foolproof.
Greek/Roman mythology is not a good reference for trying to determine whether there is water on a planet. I volunteer to open up the chabad house in the colony… Because, you know, wherever jews live, there has to be a chabad house.
How about we build an atmosphere (this is important!) and divert some comets so that they’ll burn up in it, and thus we’ll end up with rainwater, and eventually mikvehs won’t be a difficult problem?
Or am I missing something in the requirements? After all, if we can build mikveh in big cities, I’m sure we can find a way on the Moon or Mars. Mars might be easier though (for this particular issue)…
The question of the century : is artificially generated rainfall in a biodome considered rainfall or mayim shuvim…?
Well, let’s start simpler. What about rainfall from cloud seeding? That may have come up somewhere and seems like a solid precedent.
I’m having one of those “I really love Jews” moments
The goyim think that biblical law is old and busted. And we’re debating how you would mikvah on the moon. RIBONO SHEL OLAM LOOK AT YOUR PEOPLE! EVEN IF THEY GET DRIVEN OFF THE PLANET EARTH THEY’LL STILL FIND A WAY TO KEEP YOUR MITZVOS!
In other news, how would kiddush levana work?
Does it depend on which celestial body we end up on? Do we definitely have to bless this moon? If we ended up on Jupiter would we have to bless all 67 because I’m not sure how we’d ever have time to get anything else done?
I’m in for the moon colony. Quick question though which astronaut are we designating as our sell Matzah to/Shabbat goy?
Also does this mean we are going to be building a Noah Ark type thing to bring kosher animals to the moon because if so that is fucken awesome.
since taking physical animals to the moon would require a lot of fuel and resources, would bioengineered meat be considered kosher? because that would take a lot less fuel to get to the moon
We will definitely need to at least farm-raise salmon though. Ashkenazi survival is actually totally dependent on if there is bagel & lox available.
Which minhag would hold sway – would it depend on local population majority, or geosynchronous location vis-a-vis the original Earthbound populations? Like, if the moon is closer to Earth’s magnetic north, we’d use the Ashkenazi minhag, but if we were east of magnetic north (again from a Terran geo-standard) the Mizrahi minhag would be followed?
Is the Lunershul LGBT friendly?
Asking for a friend.
OK, so a lot of friends ready to leave the planet. Some may be very willing to put in time as a shabbes goy/ chameitz broker.
I’m so tired I’m just losing my shit giggling to myself in the library over my failed Matlab program.
It’s supposed to model behavior about moving umbrellas from home–>work and work–>home over a number of days based on the probability it’s raining. But just, in my program, my umbrellas fucking vanished. Poof. Matrix is telling me they disappeared into thin air. They gone.
Except, under the metaphysical, existential, paradoxical condition that you travel from your house to your house, or from work to work, in which case they will rematerialize in varying numbers with set probabilities.
Sum game: you will never ever have an umbrella on hand, except in the case that you leave your departure point and realize while leaving that you forgot an umbrella, in which case anywhere between 1 and 4 of them will rematerialize and sit there waiting for you.
I FIGURED OUT WHAT WAS WRONG (it was me. i forgot the system doesn’t converge. i forgot about periodicity and just fed it a random big number forgetting that impacts where you’re located. sorted out)
Still, 9/10, would laugh at my own flawed mathematical creations posing unsettling existential queries again
the shortest version of the conspiracy theory number meme
such wow
o no! i hoped nobody would decode our super cryptic magen david-roman numerals cipher! and we would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!
Well, so long as it’s all out in the open now, I might as well ask: Can we maybe move our secret Elders of Zion board meetings to Wednesdays this year? I want to sign up for pottery class on Thursday nights, but right now the timing conflicts.
Are you kidding, I have orchestra rehearsal on Wednesday! Thursday worked perfectly. If we really want to change it, can’t we change it to Saturday. They’ll never suspect us of plotting on what they think is our holy day.
Also, brief reminder to all Elders and Juniors: we have local subcommittee retreats next Sunday to define our strategy for this year’s War on Christmas. Fox News is planning to really kick up their game so we need everyone to turn out for these small group planning sessions in order to keep building on the progress we’ve made in crushing the hopes and dreams I f goy children. There will be snacks, and we have regional evening party’s following. Y’all should know the locations and passcodes, if not, email your regional head.
Speaking of snacks, can we please try something new for a change? I know Matt’s Cookies are pareve, but having them week in and week out is getting tedious.
Look, The ZOG Action Committee is already meeting every other Thursday, and since my Cabal is in charge of zinc prices this year, I feel obligated to show up. How are Tuesdays? Saturday nights (after havdalah) is when the Gay Agenda meetings are held, and this year we’re really excited about our new plan to turn everyone transgender in a bathroom somewhere and then make them get gay married. We’ve got some nice synergy with the Pre-school Yoga Instructors Alliance but could use some rabbinical support for the weddings.
We may eat a lot of food additives, but most consumers know very little about them. These often misunderstood substances go by unwieldy names like “diacetyl” or “azodicarbonamide.” They are in everything from salad dressings to Twinkies. But how many of us actually know what they look like or, more important, what they’re doing in our food?
Ingredients, a new book by photographer Dwight Eschliman and writer Steve Ettlinger, seeks to demystify 75 common food additives, from acesulfame potassium to xanthan gum, by providing an easy-to-read encyclopedia of sorts of various food additives, their uses and their history.
Kimchi and Justice 