For people wondering how to take action post-election of a racist demagogue (pulled from Twitter and cleaned up):
Make a spreadsheet or a file for your representatives with names, addresses to their offices, phone numbers, and contact forms. Put everyone there. Make a note in your calendar app to check in on issues once a month.
Pay attention to news. If you get angry, upset, or worried, seek support from friends but ALSO shoot these reps an email, too. Be courteous but firm and blunt. It’s a numbers game. Often we remain invisible because we don’t go to events and rallies and can’t be physically present. But we can attach our names to emails, we can write letters, we can be vocal. We don’t have to be invisible.
You can do this with your national reps, state reps, and local reps. If someone reps you anywhere, note them. Open a line and revisit it. It’s hard work and slow. One email at a time. One letter at a time. One call at a time. Emails are easy these days, so splurge every few months on a stamp and send a letter if you can. Put your humanity in front of these people. Flout it. Some won’t care, but others will. Change ONE mind and results can cascade.
Rural areas are bubbles full of bigotry and now it’s newly revealed. But we white people who live here have the clout and power! We can speak up when our reps say terrible things, and do terrible things, and vote terrible ways. We can go “I am disappointed in you.” It’s work, but as we’ve seen the last six months, it’s time for us to do that work. If someone goes “who are your reps” you gotta know. If you don’t know and you’re mad about this election, it’s time to create that file and keep it with you and use it.
The time for social media rants only is over. Or, do those, but maybe pull those threads out into a paragraph and send them to your reps. And don’t ONLY email or contact when things go badly. Also reach out when things go right. Even if they voted AGAINST something. Treat them like you would want to be treated if you were wrong or mistaken. But we’ve gotta reach out and let them know we’re here.
Anyway, I know this is hard work. If you need help collecting your reps, give me a ping via DM and I’ll help you get started.
When we talk about consent, we don’t talk a lot about how consent changes in a relationship. People who have been partnered for 20 years sure as heck don’t negotiate sex and intimacy the same way that people who have met just do, and it would be ridiculous to suggest that they should. As our relationships change, we can use consent activities to build a structure that lets us make assumptions about what the other person wants.
So consent castles are pretty much my favourite thing. It’s how I talk about consent as being the root of a stable, trusting relationship. I like consent castles because they make consent a collaborative exercise – you have to build it together, and then you can live in a giant, beautiful (kinky/cuddly/furry/whatever) castle together. Who doesn’t want a great castle?
I love this! I wanna add that the foundation of your consent castle is everyone feeling/being safe enough to say “no”. The reason long-together people can skip some parts of consent conversations before engaging is that they’ve already made it okay for somone to initiate an ordinary routine and then be told, “nah, I don’t want to today” without it being A Big Scary Deal for everyone.
Even if you’ve gotten pretty good at knowing what your partner likes, there will be times when you think they’re interested but they’re not, and while asking if you’re unsure is still always the best way, in a well-built consent castle your partner can say “nah” and you can both go about your day without either of you falling apart.
This is written at a 5th grade level, and is intended to be read by kids from approximately age 9-14, but can provide a useful, shorter summary of gender issues for anyone. It discusses how and why to stop bullying, and why it’s important to respect people’s stated gender identities and pronouns.
It is intended to be copied to a handout for kids, with names inserted at appropriate places in the “who to ask for help” section.
It goes into less detail than the document intended for teachers.
Every time I recommend Discworld to someone, I get asked “where should I start?” There are several reading order guides floating around the internet, but they just give the order of each series, they don’t give you any information on which to base a choice of starter novel. For that, use this handy (and very biased, okay, I admit it) flow chart!
For everyone one who has been asking ME where to start (I’m sorry I don’t reply to you all I get asked this so often) this is an exceedingly good chart.
J. Skyler, a trans woman of color, writer, and speaker, has come up with a concise hashtag for signal boosting! Use #TransCrowdFund on both Twitter and tumblr to help boost visibility for your fundraisers or donation pages! I’m hoping to help set up a blog that would specifically reblog anyone using this hashtag, so please contact me or check the tag.
If you’re cis, and would like to help signal boost, please ask the trans person in question before using this hashtag.
This blog was created as a means to put these ideas into action. Please use the tag Trans Crowd Fund, as this blog will be checking that tag on a regular basis and reblogging as many posts as possible. We will also be taking submissions.
If any popular tumblr users would like to signal boost and help get the word out, that would be greatly appreciated (I tagged a few below, but everyone is encouraged to reblog)
But still interested in feeding yourself? What if I told you that there’s a woman with a blog who had to feed both herself and her young son…on 10 British pounds ($15/14 Euro) per week?
Let me tell you a thing.
This woman saved my life last year. Actually saved my life. I had a piggy bank full of change and that’s it. Many people in my fandom might remember that dark time as when I had to hock my writing skills in exchange for donations. I cried a lot then.
This is real talk, people: I marked down exactly what I needed to buy, totaled it, counted out that exact change, and then went to three different stores to buy what I needed so I didn’t have to dump a load of change on just one person. I was already embarrassed, but to feel people staring? Utter shame suffused me. The reasons behind that are another post all together.
AgirlcalledJack.com is run by a British woman who was on benefits for years. Things got desperate. She had to find a way to feed herself and her son using just the basics that could be found at the supermarket. But the recipes she came up with are amazing.
You have to consider the differing costs of things between countries, but if you just have three ingredients in your cupboard, this woman will tell you what to do with it. Check what you already have. Chances are you have the basics of a filling meal already.
Bake your own bread. It’s easier than you think. Here’s a list of many recipes, each using some variation of just plain flour, yeast, some oil, maybe water or lemon juice. And kneading bread is therapeutic.
She has a book, but many recipes can be found on her blog for free. She prices her recipes down to the cent, and every year she participates in a project called “Living Below the Line” where she has to live on 1 BP per day of food for five days.
Things improved for me a little, but her website is my go to. I learned how to bake bread (using my crockpot, but that was my own twist), and I have a little cart full of things that saved me back then, just in case I need them again. She gives you the tools to feed yourself, for very little money, and that’s a fabulous feeling.
Tip: Whenever you have a little extra money, buy a 10 dollar/pound/euro giftcard from your discount grocer. Stash it. That’s your super emergency money. Make sure they don’t charge by the month for lack of use, though.
I don’t care if it sounds like an advertisement–you won’t be buying anything from the site. What I DO care about is your mental, emotional, and physical health–and dammit, food’s right in the center of that.
If you don’t need this now, pass it on to someone who does. Pass it on anyway, because do you REALLY know which of the people in your life is in need? Which follower might be staring at their own piggy bank? Trust me: someone out there needs to see this.
❤
She’s amazing. She even argues with UK politicians
This will likely end up being really important to me
There is a similar project by Leanne Brown, who did it for US SNAP recipients. Includes a free PDF cookbook that was her MA project.
So a new blog has started called “Is There Rape In It”. Basically, it’s a blog dedicated to listing movies, TV shows, and videos game that have rape in them, so that victims and survivors can avoid triggers.
Since they have just started up, they don’t have full lists yet. So if you are aware of rape in any of those forms of media, please reblog their lists and let them know!
I was definitely a profit killer when I worked in a pharmacy (which honestly was my favorite job in the entire world, but it was short-lived and nowadays you can’t work at a pharmacy like that, it’s all tied in with corporate retail and no one should ever trust me with a cash register ever). It was not, however, actually a profit killer for the pharmacy, just for the drug companies, so no one cared. These days I do medical billing, which means I actually bill OUT from hospitals so I’m mostly spending my professional time taking money away from insurance companies.
I will now impart all of my profit killing resources onto you, in case you don’t know them. I think most of you know them, now. But just in case you don’t.
THIS IS US-CENTRIC. I’M SORRY.
1. GoodRx – this thing has an app now, so you can look up the best places to get your expensive medicines at the lowest possible prices without insurance on the go, and you no longer have to print coupons because you can just hand over your phone or tablet. Times have changed for the better with GoodRx. Definitely use it before trying to fill your scrip, because it will tell you the best place to go. (You can do that on the website, too.)
2. NeedyMeds– Needymeds is basically the clearinghouse of drug payment assistance. They have their own discount cards, but also connections to many patient assistance programs run by drug companies themselves. They are good assistance programs, too.
3. Ask your county – This is not a link. This is a pro tip. Most county social services will have pharmacy discount programs for people with no and/or shitty pharmaceutical coverage. You can often just find them hanging around at social services offices; you can just pick one up and walk off with it.
4. Ordering online – There are a few safe online pharmacies. I keep a little database in a text file on my computer. Most of them are courtesy of CFS forums, my mother or voidbat, so a lot of that is a hat tip to other people, but if you’re in need of a place to get a drug without a prescription … first I’ll make sure you 100% know what you’re doing for safety reasons and then I’m happy to turn over a link.
5. Healthfinder– A government resource that helps find patient assistance programs in your area. This might also point out the convenient county card thing. RxHope is something a lot of people get pointed to via Healthfinder that’s a good program.
6. Mental Health America – Keeps a list of their best PAPs for psychiatric medications, which can be some of the most expensive and a lot of pharmacy plans don’t cover them at all.
This is so important ppl.
Signal boost the shit out of it!
Booooooooooooooooooost
Good Rx Saved my family a hundred dollars a month while I was getting signed up for CHIP seriously it’s a life savor especially for ridiculously expensive drugs like abilify
Useful info, friends! 😉
❤️ the pharmacist told me to go to epipen.com & i ended up getting them for freeeee
Use GoodRx. You’d be amazed how much drug prices can differ between pharmacies.
Also, if you know anyone with a membership, Costco. I used to get my meds from CVS just because it was the closest pharmacy to me, but when I lost my health insurance I called about pricing and it was going to run me almost $400 to pick up my prescriptions from there. At Costco, my total is about $33.
I used to work for an HMO, these are pretty good resources.
These are screenshots from the website I’m working on creating. Essentially it’ll be a place where people can find black hair stylist in their area and a directory of online black hair resources (youtube channels, natural hair recipes, tutorials, online stores, etc) in one place that members can add to
I have a quick9 question online surveyI need at least 40 people to respond to (right now I am 4) so that I can improve the site before it goes live.
Pleaseeeee do the survey and/or reblog this!
I see this is still making the rounds but i gotta say the site: is called BlackHairEverywhere.com and well…
IT
GOT
MUCH
BETTER
Boost this!!!!!!!
Yooo
Oh my god this might change my life, the last time I went to a salon a white lady gave me chemical burns bc she didn’t know what she was doing
So there was a lot of misinformation, and just a huge lack of the nitty gritty stuff, when I was in school and I see a lot of young kids on forums asking if something is normal or worrying about stuff and adults who have wondered their whole lives if other people feel the same on their periods.
Here’s some stuff about periods people might not talk about;
It can smell. But using scented pads isn’t a great idea, the chemicals in the perfume cause irritation. But here’s the thing; vaginas smell. All of them. All the time. Right now. YOU notice the smell because it’s literally part of you, but other people don’t. If it’s a foul smell and very strong you should speak with a gynecologist, but the average day-to-day odor is normal and doesn’t mean you’re dirty.
Diarrhea all day every day.
Or, alternately, constipation all day every day.
ALSO alternatively, a healthy mix of both sprinkled randomly across the days of your period like too much nutmeg where no one asked nutmeg to be.
Your first period might not look like a period at first. It might look, well, brown, and lead you to other conclusions about what’s going on in your skivvies. Then it might not come again the next month and show up on a totally different week when it does. Mine came like A LOT. It was very heavy and I bled through a pair of jeans in the middle of school it was so heavy. I didn’t know what it was and thought I was bleeding from my butt because my liar teacher said a period would only be a ‘tablespoon’. Tablespoon of lies.
At some point your probably going to stain the back of the toilet seat with blood. That doesn’t mean your bleeding too much, or that your dirty, but it’s a tid bit of information I wish I knew as a kid so I could have known to look for it when using public restrooms or at friend’s houses.
Period farts.
Having sex on your period isn’t gross or dirty or wrong. Put an old towel down on the bed and have at it.
The feelings you have on your period are entirely valid and not imagined or unimportant because of your period. Whether or not your feelings are heightened by PMS they are still your feelings and should be respected.
The ‘average’ period is anywhere from 3-10 days with any variation in flow. You shouldn’t be concerned because your period isn’t the same as your friends is, only if it changes from what’s average for you. There isn’t such a thing as a ‘normal period’ you need to fit into.
If you wear a disposable pad there will be a point where it’s going to unstick at some corner and when you pull it off it’s going to pull some of your pubic hair with it. This is going to suck. I am very sorry.
If you wear a tampon there is going to be a point you will squeeze it out of yourself when you use the bathroom. Just change your tampon each time you go. Please listen to me on this.
Swamp butt.
You will get blood stained thighs at some point. It’s going to cake onto your skin and make a mess just everywhere.
The cashier doesn’t care about you buying pads/tampons/etc, they just had a guy buy 4 pounds of carrots, a box of Xtra Large ribbed condoms and cherry scented lube. Your pads are not on their radar of things to care about.
Washing Your Junk:
When you shower (if you want a bath i’d shower before hand or dont wash in the bath itself and shower after to get clean) remember you are not actually washing inside of your vagina, you’re washing the skin around it (labia, clitoris, all those good bits). Using a soft wash cloth with either very mild unscented soap or just warm water. Seriously, stop putting washing products inside yourself; You do not need to wash the inside of your vagina and doing so can cause infections. Unless given products by your doctor there is no need to douche or use creams or wipes or other stuff like that. They’re lies sold to you to make you think you smell bad.
You know how your parents said ‘wipe front to back’?Same with washing, you don’t want to drag butt germs all over your vagina. Don’t do it.
Some people find that trimming, or shaving, their pubic hair helps them control odor, or makes wearing sanitary products more comfortable, but it isn’t required and is personal preference with different individuals. There is no health benefit to shaving or trimming your pubic hair and it will not make you cleaner than if you didn’t shave.
Wearing light breathable cotton undies during your period will help eliminate odor and not give you swamp butt. Especially in the summer.
Washing after sex is a great idea and not just because it’s romantic. If you’ve ever had period sex before you will k n o w but if you have not I am going to just ask you to take my word for it and plan a shower afterwards.
Feel free to tack on other stuff if you want. Tell me all your period secrets.
Also: keep in mind that what’s coming out isn’t just blood. It’s also uterine lining. It’s not going to smell like blood and it’s common, especially when it’s heavy, that there will be clots and chunks. These are normal.
You should NOT be experiencing debilitating pain. Cramping, bloating, and general discomfort are expected but shouldn’t be severe. If your period is causing you nausea or vomiting, dizziness, fainting spells, blacking out, or any other severe symptoms that interfere with your day to day life PLEASE reach out to a doctor.
I think @rattlecat made an awesome post about Always infinity pads being way better than regular pads for anyone that suffers heavy flows or prefers pads to other period methods
Pads have the curse of feeling like you are wearing a diaper so this may help people that cannot use anything but pads
(I’m on mobile or I’d find it and link directly. Sorry!)
I am a fan of ‘U by Kotex’ and the ever famous Always Infinity, both of which are often on the cheaper end of the price range and frequently on sale. I have never had an issue bleeding through either and even during times I’ve been unable to change them for way too long (dont judge me it was a road trip) the pad stayed in place the whole time.
On a side note, you can find free samples from just about any pad/tampon company website. I got a pad, tampon, and panty liner trial pack (all in one pack!) from Kotex that I keep in the glove box.
If you’re one of the people that needs to reach out to a doctor, be warned that they may not believe you, especially if you’re under 20. (The number of times I’ve been told I’m overreacting or that it’s normal for things to be “weird” in the first few years of periods or that I’m making stuff up is alarmingly high – I still don’t know what’s going on because of it, and I’ve been trying for years.) Be prepared to fight for it. Find a gynecologist if your default doctor won’t listen to you. Just find out what’s going on and do what you need to to help improve things.
I want to put it out there for young people who may not be used to making their own doctor appointments; you do not need to be referred by your primary physician to make an appointment with a specialist like a gynecologist. You don’t need to do anything other than make the appointment, your primary doesn’t have to be part of that process if you don’t trust them or they aren’t helping you.
If you _don’t_ get your period regularly, or if you get it 4-6 times a year only, see a doctor – you may have an endocrin disorder. Also you can try period panties or menstrual cups – find a solution that works for you!
Adding to this because I nearly died: If you go a long time without having a period, say like, 6 months, IMMEDIATELY go see a doctor. If the lining of your uterus doesn’t shed and just sits there, it cause be a precursor for uterine cancer. Everybody thinks that going to see a OBGYN is super icky and gross but you know what, it literally saved my life.
And my OBGYN, after letting me tell my story and freaking out, said, “okay, this may seem like it’s weird to you, but I literally see this every day.”
Also, if you have any of the above problems, especially pain, and your doctor tries to dismiss them as “lady troubles” and tells you to take paracetomol or painkillers and deal with it, don’t let them overrule and dismiss you you. If it’s that bad, kick up a fuss and make them listen. Take a list of symptoms. Keep a diary of incidents. Make sure they know exactly how bad it is and when. Make it so they won’t try and dismiss it as just period pain.
This may or may not be helpful, but I’m going to write it anyway. More about period sex.:
1. I have heard that “the flow” can slow down if your aroused, and in my experience this seems to have some accuracy (there will probably still be some blood though, put down a towel and all parties should wash after)
2. In my experience, during ones period ones clit and vulva and vagina may be much more sensitive. That could be really nice or really not nice
3. Period sex can help with cramps, a lot
4. It could be really uncomfortable if you are constipated
5. Seriously, put down a towel, or something.
On cramps:
1. See number 3 above
2. Tylenol and ibprofen
3. There are period yoga videos on youtube, which can be very nice (there’s one where it just tells you to lay down like you are doing sit ups) (FYI there might be a lot more flow while you do this)
4. You can make a heating pad. Look it up
5. Walk and move, it could help. Or exercise (like in number three)
and finally: If you want to lay on the couch and watch sappy movies (I like watching really crappy Sci-Fi movies, Dune was boring thoug), and eat chocolate and junk food, and possbily cry. It happens, no shame in it. Oh also please drink lots of tea and water. There is PMS tea which tastes like cinnamon and that can be nice -possibly cinnamon helps in general, I don’t remember, but don’t just eat cinnamon.
**if you eat cinnamon you will wish you had not, a lot.
PS I tried to keep this gender neutral, I’m sorry if I failed. OK BYE. *smile face*
If you’re autistic, be ready for the changes in hormones to have a ton of effects on you.
Dyspraxia may get worse or seem better.
Proprioception may disappear or seem too intense.
You may notice increased aggression in yourself.
It may take less stimulation than usual to send you into a meltdown or shutdown.
If you’re hypersensitive, everything is too loud, big and close.
If you’re hyposensitive, nothing will be big, loud or close enough.
Thinking patterns may get convoluted.
You might experience extreme hyperfocus or find yourself unable to focus.
Everyday tasks you do a lot may seem harder or easier.
You might notice more self-injurious behaviors (SIB) in yourself if you have those behaviors. Some people may only get SIB during menstruation.
If you’re verbal, you may find it harder to speak clearly or go nonverbal a lot. Keeping your thoughts together to talk can also seem harder.
If you’re nonverbal you may find your other forms of communication are more difficult or they may get easier.
For everyone: The armpit sweat that feels like slime…‘nuff said!
You might sweat way more easily than usual.
Hot flashes happen, too, as well as increased reactions to temperature changes.
Your appetite may increase. Menstruating burns calories and your body is telling you to replace them. I think that’s mainly why people get food cravings during menstruation.
If you have a connective tissue disorder your joints will most likely become more unstable in the 5 days leading up to your cycle and the few days afterwards. This is because your body has produced more progesterone and that hormone loosens up our joints. People without a CTD may experience joint laxity at this point in their cycle, but ours is far more pronounced because of our already lax connective tissues.
Expect more frequent subluxations and dislocations at this point in your cycle. There’s not much you can do to prevent it beyond taking extra care and maybe using tape or bracing. Most doctors won’t mention this either when you’re first diagnosed with a CTD, mine never did.
Some really good stuff here for period havers. I apologize if any of the comments were cis-sexist, I tried to cut off any reblogs that got blatant, but I still don’t always recognize it when I see it.
^^^ and tip: menstruation is not gender specific.
-The u by Kotex overnight pads are super long and great so if you have a kinda heavy flow and want to make sure none gets on your underwear they’re fantastic -Also naproxen is great for cramps
The reason you may defecate more is because the hormones released from your period (accidentally?) fall into your bowels as well and push them out as they would the uterine lining. Sucks that you have to shit all the time but it’s completely normal. However, if you do feel abnormal, don’t hesitate to go to a doctor. Better safe than sorry.
Kimchi and Justice 