The zweihänder sword that belonged to Grutte Pier (1480-1520), Friesian pirate and warlord.
what a god damn stupid sword
1) how would you even carry this. you would have to hold it in your hands the entire time. it would drag on the ground and be noisy as hell and bother all the other pirates
2) in the time it takes to lift and swing with this you would be killed several times over
3) did he think it looks really cool but all the other pirates were laughing behind his back
4) did he make a typo filling out the order form and got the wrong size but didn’t want to pay return shipping so he kept it
having looked into this because these are Good questions:
1) you strap it across your shoulders
2) despite being huge it’s not THAT heavy and if you are a giant dude you can swing it around with not too much difficulty (though apparently it requires better form and more moving around), and people will have a hard time killing you since your weapon is much longer and you will have already cut off their feet or heads (or the pointy bit on their pike, where relevant). also you can use it like a polearm to stab people as well, notably.
3) yeah it looks like it probably was 90% to look cool but also probably worked because the dude was probably over 6 feet and like 200 lbs.
Okay just ONE more thing and then I’ll stop talking about #bobafettisalesbian2k16, which has certainly ceased to hold any interest for everyone except me.
I don’t, in general, like fighting on the internet. That’s not my idea of fun. And I think it’s kind of a bummer to start – and especially to exacerbate – a pointless argument about something you don’t care about with people who really do care about the thing. I don’t, frankly, care about Star Wars canon. It’s fine if you do, I just don’t! At all! I said “Boba Fett is a lesbian” for three reasons.
I did not recall seeing Boba Fett’s face ever, because
those first three movies are a damn mess imso [in my stupid opinion] and I’ve literally erased everything about them from my mind cave (by drinking), and
this just looks real gay to me, sorry about it.
BUT: some people DID care! And they got really mad! At me! ME, a delight!
I mean, a tip of the hat for “assmangler.” (And no, I didn’t. I’ve never seen “Star Wars,” obviously.) But here’s my thing. WHY DO YOU CARE? Why can’t Boba Fett be a fucking lesbian? Why is this the hill you want to die on?
First of all, I’m at least 70 years older than whoever this is and saw the first Star Wars in 1936, so get off my dick Junior. Second of all, WHY? WHY DOES SOMEONE SAYING “MAYBE THIS MASKED CHARACTER IS A LESBIAN” ON THEIR OWN DANG INTERNET WEBLOG NEED TO BE STOPPED? WHO CARES? I spend literally every day making grand statements about shit I’m not sufficiently informed about – sometimes issues that actually affect the lives of real people – and yet THIS is the maddest the internet has ever been at my dumb ass! That’s insane!
HAHA, WHAT? Anyway, so now it’s no longer me, a person who did not care, riling up some nerds who did care. NOW I DO CARE. Boba Fett is a Lesbian, 2k16. As Boba Fett (a lesbian) herself once said: “He’s no good to me dead [or alive, because he is a man, and I am a radical trans lesbian separatist with no use for men].” Get off my lawn about it, ya damn animals.
AU where the Battle of Hogwarts results in the Destruction of Hogwarts.
They evacuated more students, the older kids tasked with getting the younger out, and keeping them out, instead of fighting. Go through the tunnel to Hogsmeade, did you pass your Apparition test? Can you do Side-Along? Can you summon your broomstick? Get them away.
The teachers and Order members lure the Death Eaters deep inside, don’t turn to duel, make them chase you, turn a corner and blow the hall to bits behind you.
Harry still walks into the forest. Someone still behead Nagini with the Sword of Gryffindor, but the Sorting Hat won’t stop burning. Tim Riddle dies atop a pile of rubble.
“Should we rebuild?” the whispers ask, as spring turns to summer. “Too many curses in the stones,” the answer comes, as summer turns to fall. Perhaps the merfolk in the lake stay, perhaps they go. The centaurs remain. Most of the ghosts found other places to haunt.
The Forbidden Forest creeps over a little more of the grounds each year.
There are more schools, smaller schools. It’s hard to make large places Unplottable and the Ministry, swamped with the aftermath, finds it easier to expand a few existing hidden spots. 1st and 2nd, the introductory years, are given a handful of locations, and witches and wizards skilled in multiple disciplines hired as teachers. Parents are more easily talked into letting their young children out of their sight, so soon after the war, when their school is only a short flight away. Several set up a hall just for fireplaces, so they more skittish can Floo their children in each morning and out each afternoon.
The largest school is for 3rd, 4th, and 5th, the OWL board insisting they be kept together for a more unified curriculum. This is the closest to the Hogwarts ruins, just outside Hogsmeade, to take advantage of the still gleaming Express.
The 6th and 7th years also get their own campus, but takes years to settle. At first they use an island, but too many are spooked, reminded of Azkaban’s isolation. It’s in London briefly, wedged into a towering edifice in Diagon Alley, until something from NEWT-level Care of Magical Creatures gets loose.
Hermione Granger finally gets fed up, and gets Bill Weasley to help her and Harry do complicated things with Harry’s inheritance, wizarding-to-Muggle currency conversion, and speedy land acquisition. Shacklebolt politely pretends not to notice what they’re doing until they walk into the Ministry with a staggering mound of paperwork and ask to speak with the NEWT board, please.
As the dust settles and people start realizing that no, these aren’t temporary measures while Hogwarts is rebuilt, the new schools are here to stay, arguments bloom. What should we call them? Do we have one Board of School Governors, or multiple? How involved should the Ministry be? What about tradition?
This last always winds up meaning “what about the houses?”
The older generations can’t shake the feeling that your house is important. They grew up with fellow Gryffindors/Hufflepuffs/Ravenclaws/Slytherins! It shapes you, it tells the world who you are! You can’t just chuck that all out.
“Sure you can,” Ron Weasley says, whenever it comes up around him. “Really only mattered for Quidditch, didn’t it? You get more obsessed than that you wind up hunting down Founders’ relics to stick bits of your soul in. No thanks.”
Kimchi and Justice 